Page 50 of Rush
‘Probably not. People like him live for themselves and they have no regard for who they hurt in the process. You’re both better off without him, and so is that baby,’ Marco said.
‘I’m sorry again, Savi. If I had known, I would have come to you immediately. He’s just so good at manipulating, he’s mastered it.’
‘Even more reason to expose him for who he truly is.’
‘Maybe it’s partially my fault for being so naïve.’
‘Not in a million years,’ Savi shook her head. ‘Are you going to be okay, Sapph? Is there anything I can do to help you?’
‘To helpme?’ she asked. ‘You don’t need to help me, Sav. I should be helping you.’
‘I just want to know that when you walk out of here, you’re going to be okay. That you can raise your baby with everything you’ll both need, and you have a support system.’
‘I’ll be fine,’ Sapphire smiled sadly. ‘Thank you so much.’
‘If you need anything, I am a text or a call away. If you’re ever struggling with this, I want you to tell me. I want tohelp you so please, utilise me. I’m sorry he’s done this to you. To us. We both deserve better.’
‘Sav, I don’t mean to interrupt…’ Marco placed his hand on her shoulder.
‘I know,’ she murmured. ‘Sapph, we really need to go. We’ve got a big team achievement to celebrate and do press for up on the podium.’
‘Oh!’ She jumped up. ‘Of course. My timing couldn’t possibly have been worse. My sister is waiting at our hotel, so I’ll head off. Thank you again, Savi. For not ripping my head off, too. But for the record, if you ever speak to Jesse again, I hope you tell him what a piece of shit he is.’
And then Savi was hugging Sapphire goodbye, wishing her luck with the birth of her ex-boyfriend’s baby and sinking back down on to the sofa, staring straight ahead. It felt like her entire world had just crumbled around her; all the positive affirmations she had been repeating to herself for the last few weeks a total waste of her energy.
‘Savannah?’ Marco crouched down next to her, resting a hand on her knee, just like he had when Jesse had walked out on her. ‘What do you need?’
‘I don’t know, Mars…’ She covered her mouth with her hand like she could hold it all in, stop the tears from flowing. ‘All I do know is that I’m not okay.’
20
Savi was locked in the bathroom of the trailer, sobbing her heart out, letting herself feel every emotion under the sun. She was going through the five stages of grief in the space of five minutes, and all the while Marco was banging on the door. She couldn’t face him. She couldn’t face anyone, including her own reflection.
After telling him she wasn’t okay, he had tried to comfort her the best way he knew how, holding her in his arms like every time before, but she had brushed him off, barrelling into the tiny bathroom to cry it out in peace.
‘Savannah!’ He smacked his fist into the door again, causing it to rattle. ‘Open the damn door. You don’t have to do this alone.’
‘I don’t want you to see me like this,’ she murmured, just loud enough for him to hear her, the mirror in pieces on the floor. How was she supposed to explain this to Jasper? At this point, she might as well tell him. Her dignity was in tatters, what difference did it make?
‘I’ve seen you in a state before, Cowgirl. It doesn’t faze me. Please, let me help.’
She reached up and unlocked the door, but she didn’t make an effort to open it. He would have heard the click. The door swung open like it was some sort of big emergency, and Marco rushed into the room in a panic. ‘Hi,’ she smiled weakly.
He smiled back and set down a glass of water next to the basin. ‘I hate to go all tough love on you, but you have got to get it together. Like,now. We need to be on that podium in five minutes, no matter what. Both of us, Savannah. No exceptions, no excuses. That’s the rule.’
‘I can’t, Mars,’ she sobbed.
‘You can, Cowgirl.’ He knelt next to her, narrowly avoiding his knee landing on the glass and brushing her hair out of the way while she took deep breaths to calm herself down. ‘Because you have to. Savannah, if you’re not out there with us… it’s not going to go down well. This is a huge moment for our team, don’t let him ruin this.’
‘I know, Marco. I know. But this is just… I’ve never known betrayal like it. How can I have missed all the signs? I was living in fucking La La Land, so adamant we were happy and in love and it turns out not only was I not even happy for the last year or two, but he hadn’t been happy from day fucking one. The entire relationship was a lie. But hey, I know all about relationships built on a lie, right? That’s what you and I are.’ She laughed, the sarcasm bitter on her tongue as she said it. She knew that wasn’t what this was, and she felt the guilt creeping up her spine the second the words left her mouth.
‘Savannah, no. You and I? It’s different and you know it. I know you don’t trust yourself right now, you don’t know what’s true and what isn’t, but I’m not Jesse. And you are not fragile. You’re not going to break just because the man you loved lied to you, because you’re not going to give him the power to destroy everything you’ve built. You’re not going to let him win. Think about everything you’vegot going for you: the career of your dreams, a supportive family, a close-knit group of friends. But most important of all, you’ve got yourself. And as long as you’re focused on rebuilding and healing and loving yourself, you’re always going to come out on top.’
‘Am I really that unlovable? What did I do wrong?’ she sobbed.
‘No sweetheart,’ Marco shook his head, looking equally heartbroken. ‘You’re not unlovable. You’remadefrom love, it’s who you are and everything you stand for, and not everyone is going to know what to do with that. It’s part of life, and sometimes the lessons life wants us to learn are dealt to us in the most unfair ways.’
‘I don’t understand why I wasn’t good enough for him. I tried, I really tried. To support him, to lift him up. I rarely complained when he neglected me, I didn’t hound him when he didn’t talk to me for days. I took a back seat so he could chase his own dreams while I chased mine. I flew thousands of miles just to be with him and he didn’t give me the same effort even once. What did all those women have that I didn’t?’
