Page 75 of Rush
Esme reached for her hand. ‘Butyouwere worth the hassle. I’d do it all over again.’
‘Now that I’m out of the relationship and looking back on it, I’m starting to wonder if maybe I started to fall out of love with him when he started pushing me away,’ Savi frowned. She’d barely given herself a chance to think about it that deeply; she had just accepted the situation for what it was and focused on moving on. But now she was analysing, and it was making it easier in the sense that she knew there were bigger and better things in her future, but harder because she was angry at herself for sticking it out as long as she did.
‘Which goes back two years, if not more.’
‘Exactly. But there’s more to it, Ez… Towards the end of it all, I started making comparisons between him and Marco. Comparing the way Marco made me feel safe to the way Jesse made me feel, and I realised Marco was doing everything Jesse should’ve and didn’t. It was like there was part of me that had feelings for Mars but my brain hadn’t quite caught up to the idea.’
‘Doyou have feelings for him?’
‘That’s the thing. I don’t know if I do now, but I think that I could. There’s a connection, that’s obvious, but is it romantic? What if I’m just trying to look for what I was missing with Jesse, and I’ve made it all up?’
‘If you’re questioning it, doesn’t that tell you it’s not just a friendship? Look at Lucie and Brett, they had a connection from day one and it took them ten years to figure it out, but it was inevitable. They could never just be friends. You took him home, Sav. You let him in, showed him yourworld. You don’t do that with anyone, but you did it with Mars. Why?’
‘I can’t have romantic feelings for Marco.’ Savi buried her face in her hands, groaning with frustration. This was why she’d needed Esme’s input, but now she was facing the reality of the situation, it was overwhelming.
‘According to who? Society? So what, you broke up with Jesse over a month ago. But you began the process of moving on from him the first time he fucked up and shoved the idea of a future with you to one side in favour of his career.’
Savi just sat there staring at her, trying to make sense of it all. Esme was probably right, but moving on so fast didn’t feel right. Until she thought about the fact that they were going to have to slowly reduce the amount of time they spent together and stop touching each other in public so that everyone thought their relationship was coming to a natural end, and she realised she didn’t want that. She would miss it, miss him. ‘Fuck,’ she whispered.
‘Coming from someone who has had that kind of affection from Marco in the past, I’m telling you now, Savi, he’s down bad. I can see it every time I pass you two in the paddock, or when I watch interviews and social media content. It’s staring you right in the face, but you and I both know he’s been hurt before, and you’ve been hurt too. So, I beg you, if you’re going to consider turning this fake relationship into the real thing, make sure you’re certain you’re ready. Be sure that what you feel for Mars is real, and there’s no chance you’d let Jesse back into the picture if he asked. I don’t think he can take another heartbreak.’
31
The grid was alive in a way Savi had never seen it. It was full to the brim with journalists, TV crews, drivers, mechanics, engineers, team principals, social media teams, influencers and VIP guests, and it was near-impossible to move around freely. The Revolution Racing team had formed a huddle and were watching Savi’s brother do an on-camera interview, looking mighty pleased with himself as he talked at length about their relationship and how it had evolved as they’d grown up and grown into themselves.
‘Weston is so proud of you,’ Marco murmured into her ear. ‘He’s practically bursting at the seams. Look at him, can’t stop smiling.’
‘Don’t start, Monaco. I’ll be an ugly, crying mess.’
‘Told you before that’s impossible, but you do look like you’re about to physically melt. Are you feeling alright, Cowgirl?’ He scrutinised her, and it only made her cheeks more red.
While most of the sweat plastering her hair to her forehead was a result of her usual pre-race anxiety combined with the fact they were all in full racing gear bar helmets and the sun was beating down on them, Marco’s hand constantly hovering above her waist or hip was also a contribution.
‘I feel really hot,’ she breathed out, wishing she couldshove the sleeves of her racing suit up her arms to allow some relief from the sticky heat.
‘Faith?’ Marco flagged their social media manager down as she whizzed past on her way to shoot yet more content of the car. ‘Sorry, are you able to hunt down a portable fan for us?’
‘Sure! Jules doesn’t look like he’s using his.’ She poked him, ‘Oi, Husband. Give Mars your fan, will you? Savi looks about ready to collapse. We’ve been out here so long, it’s ridiculous.’
‘Take Brett’s, too. He’s an Aussie, used to the heat.’ Julien handed them both over. ‘I don’t know why they made us come out here so early, the band haven’t even made it out yet.’
Right on cue, the drummers started pouring onto the grid and getting in position, all of them dressed in red, white and blue. Savi had seen this on television over the years; the drummers performed, then someone sang the French national anthem, the French Air Force aerobatic demonstration team performed a flypast over the pit straight and they finished with someone parachuting from a French Army helicopter to deliver the national flag to the official race starter, who was usually a celebrity or ex-racing driver. This year, they had an NBA player who was a huge endurance racing fan and sponsored an IEC team.
Savi didn’t want her anxiety to ruin this weekend for her, but she was feeling claustrophobic, and she couldn’t leave. This was part of her contract, and she was starting the race. She needed to get it under control before she totally lost it.
‘You’re okay, Savannah…’ Marco turned the fan onand held it up to her face while Kodie placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. She was so glad she’d confided in people about this so she didn’t have to do it alone, but she wished her body had done this back in the trailer instead of waiting until she was on the grid in front of tens of thousands of people and cameras which were broadcasting live to millions and pointing right at her. She didn’t want to show weakness moments before the biggest race of her life began. ‘I’ve got you.’
‘Is it anything specific worrying you, darling?’ Her mum moved in close, speaking just loud enough for her to hear over the noise of engines, drums and screaming fans.
‘Everything,’ Savi laughed. ‘Having a bit of a delayed reaction today, I think. I felt okay when I woke up this morning, and the autograph session didn’t phase me. But then the second we walked out here, the anxiety kicked in. There are just mountains of pressure on us this weekend, you know? I don’t want to screw it up.’
‘You’re not going to screw anything up, Sav,’ her dad added, coming back over with Weston now they were done with interviews. ‘You’re here for a reason, don’t forget it.’
Their words weren’t helping her feel any less overwhelmed, in fact her dad telling her she was here for a reason only added to her stress. That was half the issue; she was here for a reason. To help get her team to the finish line, to score points, to give the fans and sponsors and her bosses what they wanted. That was a lot to put on someone.
She looked at Marco, who was still holding a fan to her face, like her very own personal assistant, and silentlypleaded with him to help her. She didn’t know how, but she knew Marco would think of something. He always did.
‘Let’s escape for a moment,’ he suggested. ‘We can hide out in the trailer just to give you some relief from the chaos, say you needed a bathroom break or something. If we’re quick, nobody will even notice.’
