Page 28 of Leo
The aftermath feltlike the moments after you skin your knee.The shock had faded but every once a while, something would twinge, and you’d gasp in pain.Edward surprised us all and didn’t pick pizza this time but asked for ‘cheese noodles and string greens,’ so Leo got out the makings for macaroni and cheese while I started some green beans in the steamer on the stovetop.Bethany and Edward disappeared into the living room to look for the glowworm which, judging by the disappointedawwws that rose every few minutes, was not going well.It was so painfully and sweetly domestic—the act of making an easy dinner together—that I was afraid to shatter that fragile shell of peace by mentioning anything that had happened earlier.
Lucky for me, Leo did it himself.
“I’m really not mad at her,” he said as he stirred the elbow noodles.“I wanted to be, for just a minute, but… Hell, I was fifteen once.I made decisions that seemed logical but weren’t well thought-out and didn’t realize it till much later.”He slid me a sideways glance and a half-smile.“Actually, I still do that sometimes.Remind me to show you my closet of shame and all the exercise equipment I’m storing in there.Edward’s inheritance will be vast and full of resistance bands.”
I chuckled softly.“Well.I’m kind of upset with her.She knows better.I mean, in what world would Edward just wander off and it not be a big deal?”
He set the spoon in the rest and turned, leaning one hip against the counter to face me.“A world where it doesn’t occur to her that someone might want to hurt a kid.A world where she feels so safe that seeing him out there on his own wouldn’t set off an alarm bell.”
“Or one where she’s so wrapped up in her head that she’s not thinking straight.”I sighed.“I’m going to talk to her about it tomorrow, when things are less… raw.”
Leo took a tentative step toward me, stopping just short of touching me.“I think I need to spend some more time with Edward,” he said.“He’s acting out and… And I think maybe I’m focusing on the wrong things when it comes to helping him.What Ithinkhe needs instead of what heactuallyneeds.”
I caught my lip with my teeth, processing for a moment or two before speaking again.“I don’t want you to feel things are too much too soon.Hell, I don’t want the kids to feel like that, either.I know Edward likes Bethany, and she thinks he’s great, but right now…”
“Right now,” he said, pulling me against him, brushing a kiss against my forehead that felt almost distracted, making my heart do a sad, scared little lurch.“They’re nothing more than two kids who know each other and think the other is nice to know.They don’t even know we’re dating.”
“Are we though?”I asked, even though it made my chest ache.“We haven’t really decided whether that’s what we’re doing.I… I want to, Leo.So much.But I know you’re still…” I trailed off not wanting to put words into his mouth or my foot into mine.
“Maybe wait a bit?”he asked, a thread of hesitation in his words.“I think maybe… slowing down isn’t a bad idea.I really like you, Ambrose, but Edward… He needs me to be more present.I let him down.And—” his eyes widened.“Oh, shit… The noodles!”
He let me go, diving to save the macaroni while I got the beans plated and called for the kids to wash up and stop looking for the glowworm (now named Maurice, apparently).Dinner was stilted but not terrible, Edward visibly exhausted and Bethany more fidgety than usual.When Leo tentatively suggested a movie after dinner, I was surprised when Bethany said she’d be up for it.Edward rallied to go choose a movie, Bethany trailing after with hurried instructions to steer him away from documentaries for the night.
A princess-centered movie was playing when I finally made it to the sofa, squishing in beside Bethany who, after a halfhearted attempt to smack me away, leaned against my side and hugged my arm.Edward was already dozing on Leo’s lap, and the movie played on, the characters singing and dancing, and I think somehow a starfish was involved in the big finale.
Tomorrow would be big talks and tears and finding new boundaries but tonight… Tonight felt warm.Safe.
And more than a little sad.At least for me.I was the one being selfish, I thought, wanting to grab hold of Leo and not let go.Wantingthis, the four of us squished up on the sofa together.The two of us in bed together after…
I looked up and caught Leo’s intense stare.“What?”I asked quietly.
He shook his head.“Just thinking, despite the sheer terror of the day… This is nice.”
After a moment, he stretched his arm along the back of the sofa, and I reached out to meet him, twining our fingers together.
We all ended up zonked out on the sofa, the movie finally running out and none of us even noticing.
CHAPTER11
LEO
Two weeksinto taking it slow with Ambrose and I officially hated it.
He didn’t pull away from me, like that nasty voice in my thoughts told me he would, but he didn’t push for anything more, either.When I stopped by the bakery with Edward, he was smiles and fleeting touches, he was affectionate without being pushy.He cut way back on the innuendo when we texted.
And I wanted to be mad about it but damn it, he was just soAmbroseand it made me want him more.“He’s not eventrying,” I complained to Naomi one evening over dinner.Mike was in the living room with Leslie and Edward, putting together a massive puzzle Leslie had gotten for Chanukah from one of her aunts.Naomi and I were lingering over oursom tam, rehashing our weeks.It had become tradition, before Edward was even a notion for me, for us to get together at least once a week and just shoot the shit after we’d started our ‘real grown-up jobs’ post-college.
It had evolved into a sort of family dinner night once kids came along and now it was so ingrained in our lives that missing it for any reason was never even a thought.
“I thought you didn’t want him to try,” Naomi pointed out.“You wanted to slow things down.”
“Yeah,” I admitted on a sigh.“But I thought… I thought it wouldn’t suck so bad.”
“There’s a joke in there about sucking,” she muttered, “but it’s just not coming.Oh hey!There’s a joke about that, too but…” She wilted.“Damn it, I’m too tired to be inappropriate today.I’m getting old.”
“Do you want to try athat’s what he saidjoke?Might make you feel better.”
“No,” she grumped.“The moment’s passed.So, tell me about the sucking.”
