Page 42 of Leo
She was right, I probably would’ve told her she was too young for a solo date at fifteen, not because I’d been raised like that but because I remembered the shit I got up to at that age, running around unsupervised with my friends.
“I don’t know,” I said finally.“I might not have said no.But I probably would have, or suggested going with a group because fifteen is really young to go on solo dates, Beebs.”
She huffed a near-soundless laugh at her childhood nickname.“Beebs?”
“Slipped out.”I paused, then added, “And I like it better than Antigone.”
Her laugh this time was watery.“I’m sticking with Bethany.The other ones are cool, but they’re not me.”
She let me hold on to her for a few moments before gently pushing me away and reaching for the tissues again.“Anyway.The date didn’t happen.”
I had a sinking feeling, but I had to know.Mostly so I knew how much of a riot act I was going to read this Taylor kid for hurting my sister.“What do you mean?”
“I went to the theater and grabbed a seat at the back.”She paused, rolling her eyes at my raised brows.“Not for like making out or something.I just hate sitting so close that I have to crane my neck to see the screen.Anyway, I waited forever.The movie was about to start and Taylor shows up with Becky Martinez.They sit smack in the middle and start sucking tongues and then Taylor acts surprised to see me and says something to Becky and I’m acting all like I don’t care but I really want to die a little and…” She hesitated, fiddling with the label on her water bottle.“Anyway.The movie sucked.It was one of those dudebro heist movies high school boys love and like to quote like they’re so cool or something.But I sat through it so they wouldn’t see me leave.And after… Taylor caught me while Becky went to pee, and he said he just couldn’t bring himself to be seen with me in public because I’m… I’m too ugly and I need to lose weight so maybe someone would pity-fuck me one day.”
“That.Little.Shit.”Anger at Taylor, sorrow for Bethany’s broken heart, and good old brotherly protective rage boiled up into my chest and burned in my throat.“I’m calling his folks.That is a shitty thing to do to someone and—”
“No!”Bethany cried.“Don’t!That’s just gonna make it worse!”She grabbed my arm to tug me back and I realized I’d already taken a few steps toward my office.“Just… Just don’t make me go to these stupid things anymore, okay?Becky’s telling all her friends that I’m so pathetic you’re sending me to classes to learn how to make friends and you’re paying people to be nice to me, and Taylor told some of the kids in our grade that I was going to fat camp during winter break after he heard me talking with Mrs.Grissom about that writer’s workshop I want to go to in San Diego with Mika.”
She looked so miserable, so diminished and glass-fragile that I wanted to bundle her up and hold on to her and hide her from the assholes of the world.Or at least until she fell asleep and I could go tear into some parents who were raising assholes.
I closed my eyes and took a deep, slow breath and let it out softly.This wasn’t about me, I scolded myself.It was Bethany’s feelings that mattered, what she needed, not what I wanted.“Do you want me to help you?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted on a ragged sigh.“I just want to go somewhere else, you know?I, um… I texted Aunt Sharon last week, but she hasn’t replied.”
I shook my head.“She’s on that cruise with her partners, remember?She’s not going to reply until they get back, I bet.And… were you asking her to move in with her again?Is that what you want?”The idea of it was scary and also heartbreaking.I couldn’t stop the jolt of feeling like a failure at the idea of Bethany wanting to leave, move back to Pendelton even though Sharon had made it clear that, while she loved us dearly, she wasnotin a place to step in and be a parent figure.
Besides, I was thirty-two.No matter how badly I wanted to go find a grown-up, I had to admit Iwasthe grown-up.
“I don’tknow,”Bethany admitted.“I just… I just thought maybe it’d be easier than here.No one would remember me back in Oregon and it was just so mucheasierthere.”
“It was easier because you were little,” I reminded her gently.“The older you get, the harder it is to be part of the world sometimes, especially when you’re not wanting to fit in the box some folks want to put you in.”
“You didn’t have a hard time,” she muttered accusingly.“I remember you just being likefuck off, I do what I wantwhen people were jerks to you.”
“Beebs.”I sighed.“I was almost sixteen when you were born.By the time you were old enough to have any memories of me, I was past the stage you’re in now.Things weren’t always great for me.And even after I got older, it wasn’t smooth sailing.My problems were different from yours, but they were still problems.And comparing yourself to what you think things were like for me… That’s doingyoua disservice.And,” I added, “Iwas doing you a disservice, trying to fix things without asking if you wanted them fixed, or what you needed or wanted.”
She sniffed wetly.“Ineedpeople to mind their own business.Iwantpeople to stop thinking the only way to be happy is to look, act, and think like them.”She glared up at me.“Is this where you tell me they’re just jealous or they’re afraid of what they don’t understand?Because that’s some after school special crap, Am.It’s like telling me to ignore bullies and they’ll go away.”
“I’m not going to tell you any of that,” I promised.I mean, I might have thought I was, but yeah, she was right.It was useless and usually false—not every bully was hiding a soft heart, not every mean kid was lashing out because they were envious of the different kids.
Some people were just mean.
And that dragged my thoughts back to Leo.Because of Delia Dennis and her fucked up funeral that got us talking.
And I wondered if she’d been a meanspirited person from the start, or if she’d been different.Someone who’d been scarred over by bullies and mean people until she fought fire with fire and just never stopped…
“Hey,” I said, tugging one of Bethany’s braids.“Want to do pizza and a movie tonight?Just us.”
She narrowed her eyes.“What about Leo?”
“What about him?”My face felt hot, and I hoped she didn’t suddenly develop some sort of telepathy our something to see what my brain conjured up at the sound of his name, memories just a few hours old.
“You’ve been seeing him a lot.Kind of figured you’d see him tonight since you don’t have early shift tomorrow.”She shrugged, glancing down at her boots.“If you wanted to invite him, too, it’s okay.”
“Well,” I said slowly, “he’s got Edward to think about.He’d probably have to bring him.”The idea of having them over wasn’t unpleasant.In fact, I had a tiny niggle of happiness at the idea of the four of us having dinner and watching movies together, nothing monumental, just being a… Well.A group.Too soon to suggest playing family, I told myself.Maybe in a few months?A year?
Bethany shrugged.“Eddie’s cool, for a little kid.He likes my beetle drawings.He knows a lot about insects.”The corner of her lips lifted in a small smile.“He’s weird, too.It’s cool.”
