Page 31 of Dibs
She walks past me to the bottom of the stairs, thinks better of it, then turns and presses a kiss to my forehead that I wish were so much more. But I’ll take this. I’ll take a whisper of her lips against my skin and her whispered “Goodnight.”
After her door closes, it’s only a minute before her light goes off, and I sit there pining after her until I finally turn in. Sleep eludes me.
17
ASPYN
Itake a half-day off to get tested for STIs at my gynecologist’s office the next day. Given Sean’s constant cheating, I had left myself open to infections and diseases, naively thinking my ex-boyfriend was loyal.
I feel like the luckiest woman in the world when I get an all-clear, though they’ve sent out an HIV test and it won’t be in for a few days. I’m not worried about that as much, since Sean gets tested every six months, working in the emergency room, sometimes more, and he always comes back clean. After the doctor clears me, I practically skip to my Durango, then to the coffee shop to meet up with Tara, who had asked me to hang out.
“How’s married life?” I ask as we sit down, me with a matcha latte and Tara with a mocha. Her eyes practically sparkle as she tells me how in love she is with Cody. After an appropriate amount of time, Tara turns the question around on me and asks how life is going without her “skeevy” brother.
I sip my matcha and shrug. “Honestly, I’ve never felt freer than I did the moment I tossed his house key down on the dining room table and slammed that front door. I know he’s your brother, so please don’t take offense, but now I know whatI’m worth. Sean never deserved a minute of my time. Now, I’m filled with this renewed sense of hope, like the possibilities are endless. The last five years were so angsty and stagnant with Sean, I’m ready to live without the emotional manipulation and mind-twisting.”
Tara gives me an empathetic smile and a nod. “I get that. Part of me never understood why you would put up with such bad behavior from my brother. I’m so glad you’ve resolved to find bigger and better, but I also can’t stop thinking of the man that’s right in front of you and has been this entire time.”
I drop my gaze to the table, my ears getting hot as she continues.
“When you told me what Deacon said to Sean about calling dibs on the rest of your life…honestly, it was the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard, much more romantic than Cody’s proposal, even. So, how is all that going?”
I feel tears rush to my eyes, but I try to blink them back. “Honestly? I’ve never felt so wanted or so overwhelmed by someone’s feelings for me. There’s no one I trust more. I mean, he’s Deacon. I think back on our history and see all the times he’s been there for me without hesitation. Remember that time Sean got wasted on our anniversary? My phone was dead, so Deacon drove to the restaurant and had dinner with me. And then he took me to a drive-in movie to see an anniversary screening ofTitanic? He didn’t even laugh when Jack faded away into the water. I’m almost sure I saw his eyes get teary.”
I let out a long exhale. “He knew it was my favorite film. He knows all the details, because he’s been listening all along.”
“Because he’s been in love with you since you were nineteen. And his biggest regret is not throwing down the gauntlet with Sean to win your heart. He made that clear at the barbecue. So, now that you’re living there, has anything happened between you two?”
I briefly tell Tara about our boat adventure with Hans and the fact that Deacon intends to buy it in the spring. But mostly I relay how easy it had been not to correct Hans when he assumed we were a couple.
“But nothing sexy?” Tara blinks rapidly and twirls her hand in the air as if to say, “get to the good stuff.”
I sip my drink, groan, and admit, “No. Had to get tested for STIs this morning since your brother has never met a nurse he didn’t want to dip his dick into.”
Tara snorts. “I can’t even stand up for him. He’s just that bad.”
“Well, if you remember, Deacon doesn’t exactly know thatIknow what he said to Sean. I ran off before he could discover me overhearing the conversation. So, I haven’t exactly told him I heard.” I grimace and close my eyes to avoid Tara’s judgment.
She slaps the table in front of me, none-too-gently, and demands to know, “Why, Aspyn? Why? You’re willing to let him suffer through thinking he’s in love alone for even longer than the ten years he already has? How many days are you going to let this stretch out between you two?”
Tears blur my vision, and I swipe angrily at them for being so quick to show up.
“Jesus Christ, girl. I know it’s soon after Sean, but this is Deacon, not some new guy you just met. What the hell are you waiting for?” Tara delivers the final punch, and…knock out.
All I do is shrug one shoulder and avert my eyes. “Until the moment is right? Until the ache of Sean’s infidelity begins to wane?” I finger the bottom of my fishtail braid and frown.
“How’s that going for ya?”
I bite my lip, not expecting Tara to be so forceful or blunt. She’s usually so gentle.
“Well, I waver between trying to see in retrospect all the red flags and clues Sean must have left me, while converselypicturing Deacon in all sorts of sexy scenarios I’m way too shy to initiate.”
Tara chortles as she fiddles with her three-carat engagement ring, spinning it on her finger with a nod of understanding. “Listen, Sean’s a good liar. I wouldn’t have known either, and he’s my brother. I should have been able to see through his bullshit, too. It’s like I don’t know him at all. He’s two years older, so as a kid, I grew up admiring him, and now it’s like this giant let-down to see him for who he is.”
“I know it’s not easy seeing Sean in the correct light, but I’m so grateful you drew a line in the sand with him and refused to turn against me. You’ve been a constant in my life for so long, I’m not sure how I’d manage without you, Tar. Eight years is a pretty good stretch of friendship, and I won’t, can’t lose you.” I cover her hand with mine on the table and squeeze.
“You don’t have to. I’ll figure out a way to be an aunt to Sean’s crotch goblin and stay your friend. The whole family is up in arms, totally disgusted with Sean, but you know how it goes. Mom and Dad will change their minds once the baby comes, and they get to be grandparents for the first time.”
I sniffle and wipe my face with the backs of my hands as emotion hits me right in the stomach. “I’m going to miss them, the same way I miss Lillian. Deacon and I still need to sort her closet, but I sense it’s too soon for him.”
