Page 16 of Never Really Mine
My head drops to rest on his chest, my ear pressed where his heart thumps loudly. Just hearing his heart soothes the piece of mine that was cracking at the proximity to him. I let myself feel this moment, enjoy this time with him. I don’t want to let him go, and yet I know I’ll have to. Let this dream of us go. I love my best friend. He’s always been my person, but lately, I can’t seem to separate my love for him with the pain I feel of keeping thingsplatonic. Everytime we’re out with our friends, I’m struggling not to think about how natural things could be if I just gave in. But what if I break down the barrier and he rejects me? What if he just wants one night? One taste of it?
The song reaches its crescendo, beginning to slow and fade into another slow dance. I start to pull back. We had our dance, and now it’s time to let him go.
Beau doesn’t let me go though. The hand on my hip squeezes tighter, keeping me connected to him. “No,” he mutters. “Not yet.”
I relax into his hold. What’s one more song going to hurt? Well, only my heart. But I guess it might be worth it.
He continues to sway us, and Josie and Andrew catch my eye. I pull back, offering her a small smile. She returns the gesture, her eyes flicking up to Beau’s face. She nods slightly, and Beau squeezes me gently. He rests his head back on mine, and I swear, I feel his lips gently caress my head. But maybe that’s just my drunkenness imagining things, right?
He pulls back, dropping my hand to use his finger to tilt my chin up, meeting his eyes. If he didn’t have his arm wrapped around my waist, I’d stumble at the intensity of his gaze. He glances away to Andrew and Josie for a moment, before glancing back. “Did you ever think that would be us?”
Just like that, my heart stops, and my blood runs cold. “What?” I say, my voice breaking.
He looks at them again, then back at me. “I always…”
Tears burn behind my eyes as I process his words. Because I did think that would be us. Dreamed every night that someday I would walk down the aisle in a beautiful white gown, to see him at the end, waiting for me. To slow dance with my best friend, and the love of my life, at our wedding. I can’t let myself dive further into my dreams, or I’ll crack right here on the dance floor. “Beau, don’t.”
He furrows his brows. “Don’t what? I don’t want to fight, not tonight,” he says.
I’m shaking my head. “We can’t,” I reply, though my heart is screaming at me,we can, we can!
I step back, and this time he lets me. Anger burns through my veins, mixed with the pain and sadness my heart is feeling. The song ends, and I spin, heading off the dance floor to the table. I grab my clutch and the glass of tepid water, chugging it down quickly.
“Alright gang, I’ve got one more song for you, then it’s time to call it a night,” the DJ calls over the loudspeaker. The beat bounces, and I decide that’s my cue. I glance around the room, catching Josie’s eye, giving her a smile and wave. She furrows her brows for a moment, a questioning look in her eyes, but I just shake my head.
Before anyone can stop me, I turn, heading down the hall to the elevator. I need to get out of here. At Beau’s statement, I feel like I can’t breathe, and the anxiety starts to pound in my veins.
“Marley, wait,” Beau calls when I hit the elevator button.
“Beau, please,” I cry, the tears finally spilling over, running down my cheeks non-stop.
“Please, what?” he taunts. The elevator doors open, and I step onto the cart. Beau follows, slamming the close door button, and the button for the third floor.
The tears never stop as the doors close, and Beau follows me to the far corner. He lifts his arms, caging me in. He takes long, deep breaths. His brown eyes stare deep into my own, but they don’t give anything away. I can’t read what is on his mind the way I normally can. He looks as if he’s in pain, his brows furrowing deeply, before he mutters under his breath.
“Fuck it.”
And then he’s slamming his lips onto mine.
Like the first time he kissed me, it’s abrupt, unexpected, and literally everything I’ve dreamed of. His tongue parts my lips, a hint of the spicy whiskey from earlier on his tongue. His hands drop from the wall of the elevator, one clutching my cheek, the other resting at the base of my throat.
His fingers tap at my rapidly thrumming pulse point, like he’s needing the proof that I’m feeling this as much as he is. My palm rests on his chest, feeling his own heart beating so fast and untamed. My fingers clutch at the fabric of his dress shirt, pulling him closer, while also knowing I shouldn’t really be doing this.
I can vaguely hear the ding of the elevator as it moves up the floors. It dings one last time, and the doors open with aswish. I break away from his deft lips, gasping for air and coming up short. With every beat of my heart, I push my feelings down, further, further, further.
I push back on his chest, escaping him. I rush down the hall toward my room, digging my key card out as I do. I don’t think about the fact that Beau just kissed me, or the fact that we have both had a little too much to drink.
10
MARLEY
Footsteps follow close behind me, and Beau’s voice calls my name. I fumble with the key, pushing the door open as soon as the light flashes green. Of course, I’m not fast enough, and Beau storms in behind me, pushing through as I try to close the door on him.
“What the hell was that?” I ask, my breath coming in short spurts.
“I mean,Iknow what it was,” Beau responds with a smirk as he closes the door behind him.
“Stop it.” I smack him across the chest with my clutch.
