Page 24 of Never Really Mine
This is all my fault. I’m ruining Beau’s life, all because I somehow forgot to take my pills over the wedding weekend. I rise to my feet, leaving the suitcase in the middle of the floor as I head toward the living room, pill pack in hand. Beau sits in the middle of my couch, hands folded as he leans forward, elbows on his knees. He doesn’t look upset, more… contemplative.
I clear my throat. “I think you might be right,” I say with a shaky voice. I offer out the pack to him. He takes it, looking at those four pills, his emotions masked.
“Sit down,” he says. “I still want to talk.” He sets the pill pack to the side without another glance at it. I sit down cross legged, pulling a blanket off the arm of the couch, and covering my lap with it.
“If you are pregnant, this may not be the way either of us had planned on things going, but it’s not going to change my plans for the future, forourfuture.” He pauses, reaching under the blanket to take my hand.
“I don’t regret that night. If anything, I regret that it didn’t happen sooner, that we lost out on all that time. I gave you time, but I’m done. I’m about to become the clingiest motherfucker you’ve ever met.”
I chuckle softly. “Beau,” I start. “You don’t have to lie. I should just take the test, and we can go from there.” I take a deep breath, saying words I don’t want to say, but know he needs to hear. “I haven’t been with anyone else. If I am…” I trail off.
“Stop,” he interrupts, holding his hand out. “I never questioned it, nor would I. The test doesn’t change anything for me. Either way, I’m not stopping until you’re mine.”
His words make my pulse thready, because these are the words that I’ve been dying to hear for years, only now, it feels… tainted. Like he’s only saying it to be the good guy. Nevermind the fact that I had no idea I could possibly have been pregnant until we realized it at the same time.
I don’t respond, simply stand from the couch and grab the plastic bag on the kitchen counter. With confidence I definitely don’t feel inside, I pull the box from the bag, noting that Beau bought not only one, but three different kinds.
He sheepishly walks over. “I wanted you to have options in case you didn’t want to believe whatever the result is.”
“Thanks,” I say. I grab two, the digital, and one that is the classic two pink lines. On second thought, I grab the third one too. Never can be too sure.
14
BEAU
My stomach is churning. Marley went into the bathroom just a moment ago, promising to let me in as soon as she was done and to not look at the results before I was with her.
I’m standing outside the door to the bathroom, trying to give her privacy, but also not willing to go too far. I never expected the day to end up like this. I thought maybe I’d find her at the studio and finally tell her how I feel, how I want our future to be.
The toilet flushes, and the sink turns on. Marley opens the door a moment later, her beautiful eyes red and glassy. “It’s okay, Mar. I’m here,” I say. I pull her into a hug, noting three tests laying face down on the counter top.
My heart thumps rapidly in my chest as anxiety, excitement, and so much more run through my mind. I hold Marley while we wait. This will be a life changing moment, regardless of the result. I don’t know what I have to do to prove to her that either way, I’m hers. I’m not letting her go.
The alarm on her phone goes off and she pulls away abruptly. I let her go, but stand behind her as she faces the mirror, setting her hands palm down on the counter. I slide my arms around herwaist, holding her close to my chest, needing to feel her in this moment. “Whenever you’re ready,” I say.
Marley takes a deep, long breath, and flips over two of the tests at the same time. These two are dye tests, one a bright bold blue plus sign, the other two dark pink lines.
With shaking hands, she flips over the digital test and I hold my breath.
15
MARLEY
Pregnant.
All three tests state the glaringly obvious. The test that has two lines even has one line darker than the other, to the point where it’s pulling dye from the other line.
The digital one readsPregnant, 3+weeks. My breaths come in short stutters as I try to process. Beau’s arms are tight around me, and he’s whispering in my ear, but I can’t hear him, can’t understand what he’s saying. His arms are the only thing keeping me from collapsing.
He didn’t want this. He wanted one night with me, one night to get our feelings out in the open, and now he’s stuck. Stuck with me, stuck with a baby that he probably doesn’t want. He’s going to feel obligated to be with me now, to care for me. That’s not what I want. I wanted him to want me for me, not because he has to.
“Marley, listen to me. This is okay.” His voice is the opposite of how I feel. Strong, steady.
“How is this okay?” I shriek. I rub my face, pushing my bangs out of my eyes. I’m sure they are skewed all over my sticky skin,but I really can’t find it in me to care. “I just trapped you for at least the next eighteen years of our lives!”
“You act as if that’s a burden.” I can’t bring myself to look in the mirror, to see Beau’s face in the reflection. “If anything, I’m the one that trapped you. I got so lost in the moment, in being with youfinally, that I forgot to put on a condom.”
“I forgot my pills!” My voice is at an ungodly level, my ears ringing.
