Page 31 of Never Really Mine
“I’m trying to take care of you. Quite the opposite,” he says.
I ignore him, laying back and closing my eyes. Thankfully, he lets me rest for a while, though my brain is doing the opposite of resting. It’s running at high speed in a state of panic.
I was exercising plausible deniability until now, but soon we will see proof I am, in fact, pregnant with Beau’s baby. Where will we live? My house certainly isn’t big enough for Beau, a baby, and me. Beau’s place isn’t much bigger than mine, but I can’t afford to buy a bigger house. I’m just scraping by as it is. Imake a living just fine, but adding in a baby? They’re expensive as hell.
My heart beats harder as I think. I’ll have to get baby gates, and baby proof the house. Oh, god, will I need one of those toilet locks? They’re nearly impossible to get open. I’ll probably pee my pants before I open it, and then my kid will think it’s normal to pee your pants. That’s going to be a pain in the ass.
My mom is probably going to set up camp in my living room, and try to move in, too. That’s three adults and a baby in my tiny house. And I’m sure Beau’s mom will join in, too. I love them both, but all in my house? I don’t think I can do it. I like my space, my alone time. Fuck, will I resent my baby? I won’t get any alone time for the next eighteen years. I’m so fucked.
“Marley, breathe,” Beau shakes my arm slightly. “Your heart monitor is going wild.”
I can vaguely hear the beeping through my state of panic, but I pay it no mind. There are other things to worry about right now.
“It’s okay,” Beau murmurs, touching me softly, rubbing his hands up and down my arms soothingly. “Breathe, sweetie, breathe.”
“I’m so scared,” I say, speaking the honest truth.
“I know. I’m scared too,” Beau tells me. “We’ve been scared before, but we’ve gotten through it together, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I say. “We have.”
“We can do this. One thing at a time, one day at a time. I’m here for you, and you’re here for me, Marley. We can do anything if we have each other.”
“Right,” I reply as the door opens.
“Hi there!” A woman’s voice calls. “Ready to see your baby?”
I nod, my entire body shaking. I sit up, scooting into the wheelchair she brings over to me. Beau rounds the bed as she lays a warm blanket in my lap, moving the IV bag from one poleto the one connected to the wheelchair. He reaches out, taking my hand in his.
The tech wheels me down a long, white hallway, and then brings us into a dark room. She helps me onto the exam table, moving the IV bag again and adjusting my body so I can see the large screen in front of the bed.
She pulls out a large wand looking thing, sliding what appears to be a condom on it. Beau grimaces, still standing at my feet.
“Psst,” I hiss. “Get your ass up here. Remember?”
He rushes up to my head, shuddering as the tech drops a glob of lubricant onto the wand.
“Alright, have you had a trans-vaginal ultrasound before?” the tech asks.
I shake my head.
“This is going to go into your vagina and show us your uterus. It shouldn’t hurt, but there will be a lot of pressure, and more than likely discomfort. I’ll put it under the blanket and pass it off to you so you can insert it, and then I’ll take over. Ready?”
“As I’ll ever be,” I say.
She chuckles, directing me to lift my legs up as she lifts the blanket just enough so she can slide the wand under. I reach down, taking it from her and inserting it into my vagina. I nod when it’s in, and she takes over.
“Alrighty,” she mutters to herself, clicking a few buttons on her screen, and displaying the black-and-white picture onto the bigger screen in front of me.
I don’t see anything at first, just movement and the whooshing sound of the machine, and then I hear it.
A rapid thumping sound. Our baby’s heartbeat. It whooshes, filling the room with its steady, strong beat. “Oh my god,” I say, tears filling my eyes as I see a little blob on the screen. Beauleans down, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He shakes as tears stream down his cheeks, his hand squeezing mine tight.
“There’s baby,” the tech says sweetly. She adjusts the wand slightly, giving me some of the discomfort she mentioned. The screen moves from our baby till it’s just a blur again. “Hmm,” she mumbles under her breath.
“What’s wrong?” Beau asks, his voice tight and anxious.
“I think…” she pauses. “Yes. I was right.” I’d be more worried, but her voice is steady, almost happy. She moves the wand again, pointing at the screen for us. “There’s your baby.” Letting us take in our little blob again, she holds there, but moves away too soon. I want to yell at her for moving, for not giving me enough time to admire my little bean. “And there’s your other baby.”
