Page 34 of Never Really Mine
“And I said you didn’t need to. I’m fine, Beau.”
“This isn’t a conversation, Mar. I’m going to stay with you. You passed out today. What happens if you pass out again, only this time, I’m not there to catch you, and you fall and crack your head open?”
I huff out an irritated sigh. “You can’t be with me every waking moment, Beau. I don’t need a bodyguard, I need to drink more water. Just because I’m pregnant with your kids doesn’t mean you have this sudden obligation to me.”
I let myself build the wall, keeping him out from seeing how I’m truly feeling. “We had sex once, and these are the consequences. You don’t have to move in with me to ease some of your guilt, or whatever it is you’re feeling.”
He can’t stay with me. It’s already going to be hard enough for me to keep my distance, keep my head on straight when it comes to him. There’s no way I can do that if he’s staying with me and sleeping in my guest bedroom.
His jaw ticks. “I don’t feel an obligation toward you Marley. And this isn’t a consequence, this is a change in plans. I’m staying with you. At least temporarily while we figure out a plan for when the babies are born.”
My head drops back to the headrest. “Fine,” I say, knowing he’s just saying that. There’s no way he could actually mean it. “I have to put fresh sheets on the guest bed.”
Beau doesn’t respond, but I see the slight tightening of his jaw as we pull into his driveway. “I’ll be back in ten minutes,” he says. His mood has shifted in the last thirty seconds, leaving me confused.
I spend every second of the next ten minutes anxious and overthinking to the point that my nausea returns with a vengeance. He feels like he has to stay with me, because I’m pregnant. Not because he wants to. I’m an obligation, no matter how many times he tells me I’m not. He’s going to do the right thing, because that’s who he is, he’s a good person.
The nurse gave me a stack of those blue bags, and I worry I’ll have to use one now.
The backseat door opens, and Beau tosses in a large black duffle bag, as well as a pillow. Beau climbs into the vehicle, shifting into gear and backing out of the driveway without a word. The rest of the drive to my house is silent. The street lights illuminate Beau’s face every few moments.
I can sense myself slipping, falling into a hole that I’m quite familiar with, and I have no way to stop it. I try to make myself smaller, to be less of a burden, less of a hassle. I tuck my head down into my chest, letting my hair fan over my face. Myhand rests over my stomach, knowing what is inside, and feeling completely lost. Where do I go from here?
We pull into my driveway, and I remember that my car is still at my studio.
“Can you bring me to work in the morning?” I ask, my voice meek, timid.
“Of course,” Beau replies. “I don’t have to be in office until ten, so whenever you want to head in, let me know.”
I nod, opening the car door and sliding out. I’m exhausted, both physically and mentally. This day has been filled with so many highs and lows that I feel like I’ve been put through the wringer. The exhaustion of the day, then passing out, waking up to Beau’s scared face, the insecurity of thinking he was flirting with someone in front of me… Finding out that I’m carrying twins… I just want to shut my eyes and wake up from this insane dream.
Beau follows me inside, kicking off his shoes and striding through my small kitchen.
“Hold on,” I say, stopping him as he walks down the hall toward the guest bedroom. “I need to change the sheets, remember?”
“I can do it myself, Mar,” he replies, not letting me stop him.
“God, you’re irritating,” I grumble, following him into the room. I grab the sheets from the closet, tossing them on the top of the dresser. Beau sets his duffle down, and starts pulling the quilt down. I pull the other side down, following his steps.
With the bed stripped down to the mattress pad, I throw the fitted sheet on the bed. Beau and I work together to get the bed made, and with every movement, I grow even more tired. The bed is finished, and I can barely keep my eyes open.
“Marley,” Beau says, rounding the foot of the bed to reach out and grab my arm. “You okay?”
“Tired,” I reply. I can’t offer him more right now, because to be honest, I don’t know if I’m okay. I don’t want him to try and pry my feelings out of me, something he’s always been good at, because the way I’m feeling right now is something totally new.
“Okay, let’s get you to bed.” He slides his arm around my waist, guiding me out of the guest bedroom.
He follows me into the room, and I ignore him, grabbing my things and heading to the bathroom to change and wash my face. When I finish, Beau is sitting on the edge of my bed, picking at a loose string on his jeans.
“How are you feeling?” He glances up at me, his eyes insightful. His forehead is wrinkled in deep thought.
“Alright. Currently not sure if the churning in my gut is anxiety or the need to vomit.” I sit down next to him, noticing that he pulled back my blankets for me. Not that I made my bed this morning, but still, it’s the thought that counts. It just goes to show how good he is, how perfect he would be for someone. Even though he’s doing it for me right now, I don’t know how long it will last.
Beau chuckles softly. “I guess I’ll let you get some sleep.” He pats my knee awkwardly and stands. “I’ll be right across the hall, just… please promise you’ll yell if you need something?”
I nod in agreement. “Yeah. I will, promise.”
He holds out his pinky finger. “I’m holding you to it, Marley Bell.” He winks slyly. “Might have to bet some Superman ice cream to make sure you do it.”
