Page 5 of Never Really Mine
“I suppose that may be true,” Josie says, her eyes full of mischief. “So…” she drawls.
“So?” I murmur, a smile that I fear may turn into a grimace on my face. With the look on her face and the way her eyes keep darting between Beau and me, I have a feeling I know what she’s going to say.
“Have you talked with Beau lately?”
I withhold the painful sigh, my chest tightening in anxiety. Josie knows everything. She witnessed the fight Beau and I had months ago, and knows that things have not been the same between us.
“Not really. I mean, yes, we talk, and we hang out, but it’s surface level. Neither of us wants to rock the boat. And, he’s got that girlfriend that none of us know anything about.” I push my bangs out of my eyes, and take another long sip of my wine.
She solemnly nods. “Do I need to say it?”
I shake my head. “Nope. Besides, this is your weekend. We aren’t going to dredge up my emotional baggage.”And there’s a lot of it.
Beau’s been dating a girl for probably a year now, and no one in the family has met her. We don’t even know her name. Anytime I bring her up, he shuts down and won’t say a word about her, though I probably bring that upon myself. I can’t help it.
He walked in at the tail end of my boudoir session with Josie. I was wearing a set of lingerie that I felt incredible in, dark green lace that accentuated my ample curves, even allowing a bit of a glimpse of my nipple piercings through the fabric.
I haven’t worn it again, not since that fight. He started spewing some bullshit about how he didn’t want guys to see me wearing the lingerie, and I called him out on it. I don’t regret it, he had no right to say that, but I fear it was the final crack in the armor we’ve been wearing for fourteen years.
Falling in love with your best friend is not something I’d recommend to anyone. Loving someone you can never have is a pain that I’d never wish on anyone. Watching him love someone else? That’s a rare form of torture. Over the years, I’ve watched him fall in love, get his heart broken, and been there every step of the way to put him back together.
I’ve loved Beau Cunningham since I was eleven. He’s my best friend, and has been since the day we met. I swore that I would never let myself lose him over my feelings for him. The one time we kissed, I knew he was about to tell me we couldn’t be more, so I beat him to it.
Beau is my person. He’s the only one who really knows me. The deep, dark, and gritty pieces of me. He’s the one who has put me back together time and time again. He’s saved me from myself, more than I’d care to admit.
“Is his girlfriend coming this weekend?” I ask, because I have to know. I try my best to mask my emotions, but I know Josie sees my ulterior motive. I have to mentally prepare myself for the inevitable pain.
She winces slightly, shaking her head. “I asked him a few weeks ago. We gave him a plus one, but he declined.”
Some of the tightness in my chest eases, leaving me breathless for a moment. At least I won’t have to see him happy and in love this weekend. I give myself one more glance in his direction, finding his dark brown eyes on mine. My face flushes under his stare, but I don’t pull my eyes away. His curls are long, resting on his shoulders. He has them styled so they aren’t a frizzy mess, remembering the days when he didn’t know how to do his hair, so it was just pure fluff.
Beau offers me a soft smile, and I give him one in return before turning back to Josie. “I wonder why, I mean, they’ve been together about a year now, right?” Josie chatters, not noticing that I wasn’t fully listening.
I swallow the thick lump in my throat. Reaching over, I fix one of the red curls hanging in her eyes. “Yeah, I think so,” I reply.
“Why hasn’t he brought her around? Is it not serious?”
I shrug.
“You might not realize it, Marley, but I’m rooting for the two of you,” Josie says quietly.
I shake my head, ignoring the burning of tears in my eyes. “You shouldn’t. I can’t let anything happen between us, or ruin our friendship. I need him.”
“I’m not saying this to be mean, but…” She hesitates. “Haven’t you already done that?”
“What do you mean?”
“After that fight… things haven’t been the same, right? Didn’t you already mess up your friendship?”
I sigh, because she’s right. I know she is. I just don’t have the balls to say it out loud, to admit it to myself.
“I am saying this because I love you, Marley, and I want you to be as happy as I am. I wouldn’t be as happy as I am withoutyou, so I’m making it my own personal mission to get you two together.”
I’m not going to try and convince her not to, not tonight at least. I don’t have the energy to fight it tonight. Tonight… I can let myself give into the fantasy that maybe, just maybe, I could let myself love him the way I want to.
4
BEAU
