Page 55 of Never Really Mine
He’s not as tall as he once was, with aging and his posture changing, but he’s still much taller than me. Gramps leans forward, kissing my cheek. “Thank you, kiddo.”
My heart clenches as I remember how we almost lost him last year. The way Beau’s voice cracked as he told me he needed me, the way he sobbed into my chest as I held him in that small waiting room. The fear of the unknown, not knowing if Gramps would be okay, if the center of our little combined family would make it.
Gramps leaves the living room, heading toward the kitchen. We had a late lunch about an hour ago, and I’m sure he’s on a mission to get some dessert from Nikki.
I chance a glance across the room, seeing Beau sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace. His legs are out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. He sits next to Jason, and they talk about upcoming changes to the brewery, and what Jason has planned for the summer.
Josie is sitting next to Thomas on the other couch, so I decide to sit next to her, and join their conversation, rather than attempting to sit down on the floor. When I flop down next toher, she wraps her arm around my shoulders. “Hey, you,” she greets.
“Hey,” I answer.
Thomas leans over, greeting me as well. “How are ya feeling?”
I shrug. “Good, my hip joints have been kind of achy lately.”
Thomas nods. “I don’t know anything about babies or pregnancy, so… cool?” he replies, offering a thumbs up.
I chuckle. “Yeah, I mean, it means my body is adjusting to the pregnancy, so I guess that’s good.”
Josie shakes her head. “Don’t worry Thomas,” Josie says with a smirk. “You’ll get it figured out soon enough.”
He laughs. “Right, like I’m going to have kids anytime soon. I remember when Lennie was little, though. Man, she was cute.” He pauses. “I can’t wait to see what your gremlins look like. I bet they will be the perfect mix of you and Beau.”
My throat tightens. Anytime I’ve pictured the babies, I’ve imagined them as little boys that look identical to Beau. Dark hair, dark brown eyes. “I think they’re going to look like Beau,” I reply.
“You do?” Josie asks. “Do you know if you’re going to find out what they are yet?”
I shrug. “Not sure. My next scan is in a few weeks, but I keep forgetting to ask Beau if he wants to know.”
“I think they’re both girls,” Josie announces.
Thomas shakes his head. “Nope, both boys.”
They look at me expectantly. “I…” I hesitate. “I don’t really know. I keep imagining them as boys.”
“Do they feel like boys?” Thomas asks. He has a silly grin on his face, showing the gap between his front teeth.
“Thomas, you can’t ‘feel’ what gender the babies are,” Josie responds.
“I know that, I just meant like do you have a feeling? Like you know, when the weather changes, Dad can feel it in his hips.”
“No, Thomas,” I say through laughter. “I can’tfeelwhat they are. At least not yet. I know some people have said that they can, but right now, I don’t have a gut feeling. Just imagination.”
He nods. “Man, I think it’s great though. You and Beau, together at last.”
“We’re not really together, Thomas. You know that,” I say pointedly. I know he knows, because we made sure to tell our family recently that just because we were having the babies together, didn’t mean thatwewere together. Beau was pointedly silent during that conversation.
He doesn’t reply for a moment, only shrugs. “We’ve all been saying it for years. Clearly…” He eyes my stomach. “Something happened to crack the dam, we just need to break it down completely.”
Josie squeezes my shoulder.
“It’s a pretty strong dam,” I mutter. “Might take a lot for it to crack again.”
“I bet we can find a way,” Thomas says almost conspiratorially.
The conversation is effectively ended when Lennie runs screaming into the room.
“Present time!”
