Page 57 of Never Really Mine
“Nope, that’s them!”
“Woah,” I mutter. I withhold the urge to caress my belly, as she’s currently measuring me.
She finishes her exam, and Beau steps out, stating he needs to use the restroom. I’m grateful for the time alone with her, because I do want to mention something.
“Dr. Ness?” I ask before she finishes up.
“Yes?”
“Earlier… when I said I was having high… I was going to say I have a high sex drive.” My cheeks flush a bright red, and I want to die inside. “Do you… do you have any suggestions on how to lower that?”
Dr. Ness’s expression softens with understanding. “Having a high sex drive in this time of pregnancy is normal with all of the hormone fluctuations going on in your body. I know you mentioned that you and Beau aren’t together like that, but it istotally safe to use toys to help relieve the tension. Or, you could ask Beau to help.”
I cringe. I’m avoiding doing that very thing, but it’s like my body is in agony. I want him,needhim so badly, and yet, I keep denying myself him. I know if I were to ask, he’d be willing. But, I just can’t bring myself to do it.
“Right…” I drag the word out.
“Do you have any more questions for me, about pregnancy and sex? We glossed over the subject at your first appointment, but I want you to feel comfortable and confident.”
I swallow hard. Might as well get it over with. With that, I ask her all my questions, asking in depth about what I can and cannot do, with or without Beau.
35
BEAU
“Alright Mom and Dad, are you ready to find out the genders?” The tech asks, guiding the wand over Marley’s belly. In the last few weeks, the babies have grown so much. I can tell that Marley’s discomfort is growing. It can’t be easy being pregnant, let alone being pregnant with twins.
“Yeah,” Marley says. She looks over to me for confirmation.
I nod in agreement. The wand moves, a whooshing sound accompanying it. “Baby A…” she slowly says, “is a boy!”
My heart thumps wildly and I look down at Marley, tears in my eyes. “We’re having a boy?” I confirm.
“Yep,” the tech responds. Marley smiles, and I lean down, kissing her forehead. I have my arm wrapped around her shoulders, holding her hand in my free one.
“Oh my god,” Marley laughs. “I can’t believe it.”
“We’ve still got one more baby,” the tech responds with a laugh. The wand moves again, the picture on the screen morphing to the other baby. She studies it for a moment, then announces, “And Baby B is a girl!”
Pure shock runs through my veins. My eyes lock with Marley, and tears stream down both our faces. It didn’t matter what thegenders were, but it doesn’t change the excitement. Now we can plan names. Marley can decorate however she wants.
My arm is still wrapped around her shoulders, my head resting on her forehead. “I can’t believe this,” I murmur, kissing her cheeks, the tip of her nose, her forehead, her lips.
“I know,” she replies, eyes still watery.
I glance back up to the screen where we have a view of our daughter and son. “How is it possible to already love them so much?” I ask.
Marley softly laughs, leaning into my touch. “I feel the same. It’s such a deep and raw feeling.”
I nod, because that’s exactly how I feel. Not only for them, but also her. I want to say it. I want her to know how much I love them.
“I love you,” I say. “All of you.” I press another kiss to her lips, not really giving her a chance to respond. I know she’s not there. I’ve always told her I love her, so that’s nothing new. I just don’t think she knows that this time, I mean that I’m in love with her.
We bask in the excitement for a few more minutes, and the tech prints off some pictures for us, giving us an extra glimpse of the babies. Baby Boy is proudly showing off his gender, while Baby Girl looks like a little blob of black and white.
It’s crazy what you can see with an ultrasound, even in black and white. I guess in a few more weeks, we can do a 3D ultrasound, and really see their faces. Marley wasn’t sure if she wanted to do that, but I told her we should.
We walk side-by-side out of the clinic, and I resist the urge to reach down and hold her hand.
