Page 71 of Never Really Mine
“Something is still holding Marley back, though. She’s keeping a bit of distance, claiming it’s for the babies, but I think it’s something else.”
I flick off the light as we move down the hall toward the master bedroom. It’s a huge room with built-in bookshelves lining either side of the large window on the far wall. There’s an attached bathroom with a large bathtub I know Marley will love.
“I’m sure you two will work it out. You’ve got a lot to look forward to, and this house… It’s perfect.” Thomas claps me on the back. “You’re lucky, man. I’m excited to watch you be a dad.”
My throat tightens. “Thanks. That really means a lot.” I take one last look around the master bedroom, before turning away. “What about you? Any girls on your radar lately?”
He chuckles, running a hand through his hair before hooking his thumbs in his vest. “No girls. The drug trafficking investigation has been taking up a lot of space in my mind—as well as my actual time—so I figure it’s best to keep my focus in one place for now. But soon, I’m sure. I’m ready to settle down.”
“You’ll be a good dad, too, if that’s what you want.”
“Thanks.” Thomas smiles, showing the familiar gap in his teeth. “So, when are you telling Marley you bought her a house?”
I run a hand over my scruffy beard. “Probably next weekend. Her baby shower is then, and I figured I would bring her out here after.”
“Smart. She will be all happy after the baby shower, that way she won’t be as mad at you.”
“She won’t be mad at me,” I reply, though to be honest, I’m not totally positive of that.
Thomas doesn’t give me another answer, just continues to explore the house. After I show him the deck, he’s completely sold on this crazy idea I had. I point out the far corner of the yard where I want to have Andrew help me build a swing-set.
After I lock the house back up, and we’re heading back into town, my nerves start to kick in. In ten weeks, more than likely less, I will be a dad.
43
MARLEY
Surprisingly, the third trimester has been treating me wonderfully. I didn’t expect to feel as good as I do, and I know it won’t last, so I’m taking advantage of it. I decided against doing a maternity shoot. My brain is so scattered when it comes to Beau and me, that the thought of taking maternity photos with him, sends me into a spiral.
Therefore, I’m doing my version of a maternity shoot, a boudoir shoot. I have my camera set up on a tripod in the center of the room, and have a beautiful white lace with floral accents bra and panty set on. My breasts are almost spilling out of the top with how much they’ve grown. Thankfully, they aren’t as sensitive anymore, but I know they’re going to grow even more when I breastfeed.
I dim the lights so the room is left in a warm glow. It’s early evening, and with it being spring now, it doesn’t get dark at four o’clock anymore. Instead of using the camera’s self-timer and getting all hot and sweaty from running back and forth, I have a small remote I can tuck into my palm, or hide behind my belly.
With the room ready, I check my camera lens one last time, and then position myself in front of the frame. I pose, clickingthe button a few times before I change the way I’m standing. While I take the photos, I let my mind wander a bit, falling into the muscle memory of the boudoir shoot.
Beau has spent every night in my room now for weeks, and while I know I should fight it, or work harder to keep things separate, I can’t seem to do it. Every night when we lay in bed together, he talks to the babies. He tells them all the things we will do together, the places we'll go, and every night, another crack in my armor appears.
I’ve loved Beau for so long, and now, he’s offering me everything I’ve ever wanted on a silver platter. Himself, a future, a life together. And yet, I hold back, just enough to make sure that I’m protecting my heart.
He is my reason for breathing. I should know by now that I won’t lose him, regardless of our children. Beau will always be there for me. I wish I knew what I needed to let go of my fears, to stop worrying so much and just… be. I wish I knew what I needed to fully entrust him with my heart and with my future.
I’ve always loved Beau. I’ve never questioned that. But now, I’m learning what it feels like to bein lovewith him. What it’s like to wake up every morning in his embrace, even if I’m sprawled across the bed like a starfish, or with smelly breath.
He proves to me every day that he is there for me and not just because I’m pregnant. Why do I let my stupid brain take the front seat, telling me that we aren’t ready to give in, even though I know I can, that we have, and that I want to? He makes me feel beautiful, confident, and happier than I ever thought I could be. I love the body I’ve been given. While I’ve had moments during my pregnancy, overall, Beau has made me feel like the most gorgeous woman on earth.
This maternity shoot is for me. I want to memorialize the way I look right now, the confidence I have in myself. And also… I want to feel sexy, to show myself that even though my ankles areswollen, and I’ve gained more weight than I have in years, I can still be sexy.
With that, I take off the bra. My breasts are heavy on my chest as the fabric falls to the ground, and I hook my thumb on the waistband of the panties, shimmying them down to the floor.
I adjust the lights again until the room is swathed in a deep glow. There’s a sheer sheet hanging off the side of the chaise lounge, so I grab it, carefully draping it over my body.
Clutching the fabric, I lay it across my breasts. Since the fabric is sheer, it is easily seen through, but the illusion will be gorgeous in the photos. The rest of it hangs down my side, the ripples of fabric settling against my thigh. My nipples begin to pebble under the cool breeze in the room, and I have a feeling Beau would be dying if he were here.
I pop one leg, and rest my free hand over my stomach. Still holding the small remote, I click the button a few times, then slowly adjust my pose.
After a few more poses, some more risqué than others, I decide to move to the bed. I drop the sheet onto the flat bed, and arrange the camera where I want it. It’s a bit of a challenge to climb onto the bed, given that I’m nearing eight months pregnant, but I make it. I’m slightly out of breath, but hey, I have two babies pressing against my lungs.
When I catch my breath, I move to the position I’m imagining, and get to work taking the photos.
