Page 75 of Never Really Mine
“No,” I laugh, reaching over to smack him in the chest lightly. His bare skin is warm under my quick touch. “I was just using it as an example, dumbass.”
He laughs, shutting the lid of his computer. “Fine, what are some name examples?”
“Hmm,” I say, using my pointer finger to tap at my chin in dramatic thought. “Tucker and Taylor?”
“Hard pass,” Beau says with a wince. “Remember Tucker Hillbrand from high school?”
“Oh, yeah,” I answer, a shudder rolling down my spine. “He was a jackass.”
“He was. What about Leah and Luke?”
I ponder for a moment. “That could work.” I type the names in my notes app, then promptly delete them. “Nope, nevermind.”
“Why not?” Beau asks, leaning over to peer at my list.
“Leah was my roommate in college, remember?”
“Shit, yeah she was a bitch.”
I laugh, and delete the names. “We will think of something. They don’t have to alliterate either, it was just a suggestion.”
Beau reaches over, taking my hand and squeezing gently. “We have time, no matter what your mom says.”
“She acts like the babies have been born for months and have no names,” I mutter. I love my mom to pieces, but she’s shocked we don’t have names picked, or even narrowed down. For some reason, I feel like I have to meet them before I can know for sure.I won’t be getting the cute pre-made blankets or hats with their names stitched in them, but I don’t care. They’d only wear them for one photo anyway, then likely be shoved into a bin for special keeping.
“She means well,” Beau says. He lets go of my hand to rest it over my stomach. Baby Girl is kicking me like crazy right now, and Beau starts to murmur in hushed tones. I can’t always understand what he’s saying in these moments, but the fact that he’s so unabashedly connecting with them before they’re even born makes my heart flutter.
I rest my hand over top of his, squeezing it. “I have to get ready,” I say. Beau groans, moving his hand from my belly. “Are you still okay to bring me?”
“Of course,” he replies. I haven’t been wanting to drive if I don’t have to, since my bump is getting to be more in the way.
I climb out of the bed and head to the bathroom to get ready. As time goes by, and the end of my pregnancy looms closer, I’m starting to realize that maybe I am ready for this. Ready to give myself to Beau, completely. Every piece of my soul wants him and wants the future he’s painting for us. There’s still a piece of me holding back, though. Still a younger version of me afraid of that chance that he won’t be there to answer my call when I desperately need him, or will look at me in disgust when my name comes across the screen. I don’t want to go through that feeling again, only this time, it’s not just me who would be at risk in the fall. I want to be in this, to betogether, not just as parents, but as a unit, as a pair.
I want the life I dreamed about with him, and I’m so close to getting it, I just need to get over myself.
I shove the feelings down for now, plugging in my curling iron to fix my hair.
I’m exhausted,my feet are doubling in size every minute, and I’m over this. Josie keeps giving me side eyed glances like she knows I’m going to blow, and yet my mom and aunt just aren’t getting the hint. They mean well, I know they do, but a girl can only handle so many baby shower games, and we are currently on game number four.
I didn’t realize how many people they’d invited, but it’s been a revolving door of extended family, my mom’s church friends, and people I haven’t seen in years. My only saving grace is the fact that I’ve had either Josie, Fallon, or Megan at my side at all times. They’ve helped deflect many questions about my relationship status, whether the babies were planned—apparently joking that you only signed up for one and got a bonus baby isn’t as funny as I thought—whether I plan to breastfeed, or have a natural birth.
All way too intrusive questions, if you ask me.
Nikki has been making sure I’m hydrated and fed, handing me a glass of water or sparkling punch anytime my hands are empty. She pops another plastic cup with red liquid into my waiting palm, and sits down next to me on the couch. I’m not participating in the game, really waiting for the moment I can text Beau to help me make my escape. He will have to help us load all the stuff into his car anyway, so maybe I should text him sooner rather than later.
A bounding figure to my right makes me jump slightly. Lennie crawls onto the couch between Nikki and me, curling her small body into my side.
“Hey Lenners, what’s up?” I press a kiss to the top of her head. For being only four-years-old, and the only kid here, she’s been doing so good.
“Is Grandma Jane going to be done talking soon? Miss Fallon said I could come over and play with Presley after this, but Grandma Jane keeps telling me it will be over when everyone leaves, but Auntie,no onehas left.” Her chocolate brown eyes are round as saucers as she peers up at me.
“Hopefully soon,” I whisper. “Auntie is ready to take a nap.”
“I don’t take naps anymore. Daddy says I’m a big girl now.” She gazes up at me with such a proud look on her face.
“You are a big girl,” I tell her. She takes her small palm and rests it on my stomach. “You’re going to be the best cousin ever.” As if responding to my sentiment, one of the babies kicks in the exact spot where Lennie’s palm is placed.
She jerks away in a panic. “What was that?”
