Page 8 of Never Really Mine
The elevator shudders as we reach the third floor, dinging our arrival. I realize that I never responded to his statement.
“Hard to believe it,” I reply. I step forward when the doors open, looking to my right for the bridal suite. I hear the sound of a popular song and giddy laughter down the empty hall, and point down the hall toward it. “Sounds like they’re having a good time.”
Beau chuckles. “Don’t let my mom get too tipsy. You know how she is.”
I laugh. “Pretty sure she’s already tipsy. Tipsy Nikki is my favorite, so I won’t be the one to stop her. She can’t wait for one of her boys to get married.”
He groans, his dark eyes crinkling at the corner.
“My bet is on Thomas being next,” I say, instantly regretting it. Beau narrows his eyes, his jaw clenching. For some reason, I continue to poke the bear. “Though, you’ve been dating your secret girl for a while, so who knows, maybe you’re ready to pop the question, and you haven’t even introduced us to her.” Bitterness laces my tone.
We used to tell each other everything. I don’t understand why things changed. Why we are so tense with each other, when before, he was the person I relied on for everything. The person I called when I was at the lowest of lows.
Beau tenses, shoving a hand into his pocket. He slowly nods as if agreeing with me, and my heart splinters just a bit more. “You’re right, I haven’t introduced you to her.”
I don’t speak. Not that I’d even know what to say right now.
Beau doesn’t stop though, barely giving me time to process. “I haven’t introduced her to anyone, because I don’t have a girlfriend. I haven’t, not since April.”
I blink, not saying a word as I process what he’s telling me. He’s kept this information from everyone, his family, his friends,me? All for six months?
He steps closer to me, resting his warm hand at the small of my back. My brain is screaming at my body to react, but I’m frozen in time, standing in the hotel hallway. Pulling me in close, my hands fly up, resting against the warmth of his chest. Through his dress shirt, I can feel his heart pounding, but I don’t look up. If I look at his face, into those brown eyes, it will be my ruin. I will never be able to return to the way we were before thismoment if I cave into the things I want to say. The things I want to do.
Words finally tumble out of my mouth. “Well, now I feel like a fool. Am I the only one who didn’t know you broke up?” Rationally, I know that’s not true, as Josie was just talking about it earlier, and yet that’s what my mouth says anyway. He shakes his head.
I step out of his arms, needing a clear head. “Why did you lie?”
Beau shrugs, eyes cast to the floor where he kicks an invisible rock. “I just… I don’t know, Mar. I did. It’s not like I planned on lying to everyone… to you.”
He steps closer to me, reaching out for my hand. I let him take it, trying to ignore that zing of electricity that happens every time he touches me. Just because he’s single… it shouldn’t change anything, but the way my heart is pounding, and my brain is fantasizing about us, something tells me that it is changing.
I look down at the floor at our feet, my satin dress wrinkled at the bottom after hours of wear. “Marley,” Beau whispers. His voice is thick, strained, pleading. I shake my head. I can’t give into this. If I give into this, he’s going to regret it, and hate me forever.
God, I want him so bad, I need him, but I’m so fucking scared of losing him.
I can’t lose the person who has been with me since day one. The person who fought Joey Swenson in grade school when he compared me to a cow. The one that held me in my college apartment when I had lost the will to fight, the will to live. I can’t lose the person who has helped me survive.
Beau drops my hand, resting his warm hand on my waist. His fingers tug at my chin. I shake out of his grasp, trying to step away. “Look at me,” Beau murmurs.
“No,” I whisper. “I can’t.”
“Why can’t you look at me?”
I take in a shaky breath, my lip trembling. “Because if I do, I don’t know what will happen.”
He exhales sharply, his fingers again trying to tilt my chin to his gaze. This time, I let him. His brown eyes swirl with emotion, pain, love and so much heat. Those little flecks of gold in his eyes that I love so much are practically burning a hole in my chest.
His thumb slides over my trembling bottom lip, leaving me aching. It’s so irritating that he has this effect on me after all this time. His eyes flare with a look that I recognize as the one from all those years ago at the river landing when he kissed me.
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to wake up from this dream. Did I drink too much at dinner tonight? Because this can’t possibly be real. Beau can’t possibly be telling me he’s been single for months, and looking like he wants to kiss me. It’s just not realistic. He doesn’t want to kiss me. The mess of a girl, hiding behind a confident façade. I’ve seen and met some of his girlfriends in the past, and I’m nothing like them. They’re all blonde, thin, with no personality.
Beau rests his forehead on mine, and it feels so right. The world around me stands still until it’s just us two, no fear of losing him, no fear of a broken heart. His nose brushes mine, and that one moment before lips meet, has me crashing back to earth. To the reality of this.
I gasp, stepping away from him, from the almost kiss. Beau’s hands drop to his sides, shoulders hanging low. I’m breathing heavily as if I just finished a marathon. My eyes prick with tears and I pray they won’t fall.
“This can’t happen, Marley,” he says through gritted teeth.
Throat tightening, I say, “If it can’t happen, then why are you the one that started it?” I shake my head, ignoring the tears burning my eyes, forcing them back. “Goodnight, Beau.”
