Page 97 of Never Really Mine
Beau hands me the already connected pump. I connect my left breast first, knowing that at least that side won’t be painful. I adjust my right breast, getting the nipple in the flange correctly, and then nod at Beau to flick the power on.
The suction starts immediately along with the burning pain in my right breast. I hiss, trying to fight through it. Beau sits down next to me, running his palm up and down my legs, the ones that I haven’t even considered shaving in the last two weeks. Not that it matters, he’s seen every inch of me at this point, and not in a sexy way. I mean, my boobs are hanging out, being tugged within an inch of their life right now, and he’s cuddled up next to me without a care in the world.
After fifteen minutes, my left side is drained, and I have five ounces to show for. My right side however, has barely an ounce, and it hurts like a bitch. Beau’s been scrolling on his phone most of the time, and my mind has been focused on not crying from pain.
“Did it work?” he asks.
I shake my head, wanting to cry in defeat.
“Hmm.” he ponders. His brows crease downward. “I found a couple things online while you were pumping, can we try them?”
“You… that’s what you were doing?” I ask, my voice full of surprise.
“Yeah? Is that okay?”
“It’s fine,” I reply. “I just thought you were on Facebook or something like that.”
“No,” he says with a small laugh. “I could tell how uncomfortable you were. Do you have one of those suction cupthingies?” He gestures at his chest, like I’m supposed to know what he’s talking about.
“Um, no? What is that?”
“You didn’t get one at the baby shower?”
“Beau, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He pulls his phone from his shorts pocket, taps on his screen a few times, and turns the phone to show me. It’s a manual silicone breast pump, but instead of the pump, it’s just natural suction. “I read that these can be really helpful, you can put hot water and epsom salt in it and suction it on there. It’s supposed to help loosen it up.”
“I don’t think I have one.”
“We could try another way, then. You have those hot packs, right?”
“Right…” I don’t quite know what else to try, besides pumping again.
“Why don't you put the hot packs on your breast, and then I can kind of try to massage and suck it out,” Beau says with complete certainty.
“Suck it out?” I squeak. “You want tosuck it?”
“That’s what he said,” he jokes.
I narrow my eyes, glowering at him. “Not the time, Beau.”
He chuckles. “Sorry, but really. I read that it can help, and a lot of the online forums say that the pumps don’t have strong enough suction.”
“But… what if you taste it?”
“Then, I taste it?” He shrugs. “I’ve heard it’s sweet.”
“I can’t believe you’re offering to do this.”
“You’re in pain, love. I just want to help. Please?” He gives me his best attempt at puppy dog eyes.
“Fine, but we won't speak of this, ever again.”
He rolls his eyes. “Sure, Mar.”
He grabs the hot pack, reading the directions before popping the tabs. He wraps it in a cloth and passes it over to me. I uncover my breast, resting the warmth on it. It helps to relieve some of the ache immediately. Beau comes over to my side of the bed. “Where do you want me?”
Embarrassment washes through my body. I shouldn’t be embarrassed, but this feels… almost taboo. I scoot more toward the middle of the bed, so Beau has space on my right side to kneel.
