Page 31 of The Scars Within
“No, I’m fine,” I grinned.
“Always so stubborn,” she chuckled, wagging a finger at my face, glancing at my quad in the room. “Fine. But let me tell you how to get to the faculty wing.”
“Miss Cora, cadets aren’t allowed in that wing. Only immediate family,” someone interjected.
Cora grabbed my face in her hands and brought her forehead to mine. “This college has kept us apart long enough. I don’t care about their rules. You need to know where to find me if you ever need me.”
Cora stayed in our dorm chatting all night until she insisted that we get some rest. All the girls loved her, and you could tell she already loved them, too. I didn’t participate much in the conversation. Instead, I sat on the bed with my arms crossed around my legs, watching the one I love the most connect with my newest friends.
A warm feeling filled my chest, something I’d never felt before. It was happiness and sadness at the same time, tied together with a sense of relief. It is exhausting to always have to take care of myself—mentallyand physically- and never be able to take a break because the slightest drop of my guard could lead me to Rock Bottom all over again.
I wanted to soak this moment in. Seeing how easily Cora connected with my friends made me happy. But the worry of this never happening again made me sad. Living a life like I have, I always have to be on alert. The smallest mistake could cost me everything I have.
My friends all have families back home. To them, I may just be a roommate. If they needed or wanted to, I’m sure they’d be able to erase me from their memories with a snap of their fingers. They have so much more love and stability to lean on when they need it.
But me… I’m afraid to let anyone close enough to my heart to feel like family. I’m so scared to let these girls in because the second we have our first argument, I know that they will abandon me, too.
Just like my father did.
He is one of the two people supposed to love me more than anything in the world. And he left without a drop of guilt. Without visiting, even on my birthday.
Once I got my acceptance letter for Mageia, I stopped feeling as worthless as he proved me to be. I knew this would be my second chance to start over and become someone worthy.
But I know this fear of letting someone close to my heart will never go away. These girls will advance in this war college, and we will all go our separate ways. I will play a small part in their stories.
While my heart will never let them go.
Chapter 12
One second, my head hit the pillow. The next, my tired eyes were open, and I heard our team leaders’ lovely bells banging through the hall. Whatever concoction Shayde and Rhodes consume in the mornings, I need some.
The girls and I quickly dressed and packed our bags for the day. It was officially the second week at Mageia War College and our first full week of classes.
We will continue attending Intro to Wielding classes until we channel an element, excluding Cleo. With only three more weeks until the Burn Trials, we hope the elemental surge will happen quickly for the three of us.
As we made it to the cafeteria, I snatched a quick breakfast from the buffet and carried it into the espresso station, where I expected Rhodes to be already standing there waiting on me. I worked two shifts last week, and I must admit, having him as my mentor isn’t that bad. We kept all conversations strictly about how to operate the station. I was starting to understand that Rhodes just isn’t the chatty type like his brother.
After scarfing down my biscuit and sausage gravy, I went to the pantry to find my mug. Browsing the shelves… I stopped. Where in the elements is my mug? The cadet who worked before me said only a couple oforders were placed before I got there. I went back out to the counter and scanned the cafeteria. I saw a few pewter mugs in use, but not mine.
I inhaled deeply as I came to a realization.
Rhodes.
He knows what mug I drink from every morning. He probably hid it just to piss me off. This early in the morning, that isn’t hard to do. Especially when I haven’t had my cup of coffee.
I spun around, leaned back, and smacked my hands against the counter. Then, I swallowed a quick gasp of air as I locked eyes with the machines in front of me. My mug was there, under the machine I use for my brew, with a note taped to it.
Weird.
I picked it up and examined the note.
Had to run an errand for a professor. You can handle the station.
I stood there staring at the note, not knowing what to think of the gesture. Was it even a gesture? I could totally be overthinking it… but this seemed kind. A word I’ve never thought to describe Rhodes.
I shook the thought from my mind as I grabbed the sweet cream from the fridge and brewed my coffee. As it was finishing up, the order bell chimed behind me.
I looked over my shoulder, “One second, please, I’ll be right with you.”
