Page 57 of The Scars Within
I broke the silence. “What was life like before Mageia?”
He took a moment before answering, “Not much different than it is now. Every generation in our family has attended the war college. It was never really a choice.”
His voice carried a hint of something—less pride and more…resentment. I mulled that over for a second. “If you did have a choice, would you still have joined Mageia?”
“Probably not. Shayde would, though.”
His response took me back to what Shayde said about Rhodes choosing a path that he didn’t agree with. Could that be what Rhodes would be doing if he wasn’t enrolled at Mageia?
I took the opportunity to pry. “You don’t seem close with your brother.”
He cleared his throat, the soft rumble from his chest vibrating against my back. His grip on my waist tightened slightly before he finally replied, “Our father treated us differently. Shayde was always the golden child. For me… more was expected. And no matter how hard I’ve tried, it never feels like enough.”
I could resonate with that feeling. Recalling what Shayde had mentioned about theirmarekem, I decided to dive deeper now that Rhodes was opening up. “What’s it like to share amarekembond with someone? I’d worry there’d never be a private moment for either of you.” I faked a small laugh, trying to ease the intensity of the question.
“Shayde has had ourmarekemblocked ever since I first channeled fire,” Rhodes said, his voice low. “We never really talked about it, but that’s when we started to drift apart. So, fortunately, I do have privacy. I’ve gotten pretty good at controlling my end of the bond. I leave the window open if Shayde ever needs to reach me, but otherwise, I keep it closed for my own sake.”
There was a weight to his words, a quiet sadness in the space that had grown between them. I wanted to ask what he meant by ‘his own sake,’ but I feel like I know the answer.
Sharing amarekemwith a twin is a special bond. And if one blocks that bond... I imagine that would feel like a knife in the heart for the other. Abandonment.
He keeps himself guarded to prevent getting hurt.
“I didn’t realize themarekemcould be controlled like that,” I admitted softly.
“There’s a lot about magic people don’t know,” Rhodes muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. Then, shifting the conversation, he asked, “And what about you? What was life like before Mageia?”
The question lingered in my mind. Usually, I give a rehearsed response when people ask, shielding myself from the inevitable judgment. But with Rhodes, I don’t feel the need to pretend. I don’t have to act like whom the world expects me to be because he knows the act all too well. And when he is with me... I see the slightest bit of who Rhodes wants to be.
“I pretty much raised myself,” I said, quiet but steady. “My father left when I was young, my mother passed not long after, and my only living relative was Aunt Cora. But then, she was employed here at Mageia, so I was on my own for most of it. My village was small enough that I found work early, and once I was old enough to apply, well… here I am.” I shrugged the weight of my past off my shoulders.
Rhodes’s hand around my waist tightened as Dahlia’s clicking hooves filled the silence.
“He left you?” his voice dropped.
I nodded, my throat tightening as I spoke the words. “Captain Thorne is my father.”
For the first time, Rhodes didn’t have a quick response. His body tensed. The air between us felt heavier, his silence louder than any words he could’ve spoken.
The weight of my confession hung between us, pressing down on the quiet night. I wasn’t sure if it was out of shock or sympathy, but I could sense him struggling with what to say.
Rhodes will finally lay a card face up on the table with his response to my vulnerability.
And then I’ll know if the risk of losing myself revealed a missing piece.
After what felt like an eternity, he finally spoke, his voice softer than I’d ever heard it. “Captain Thorne... he’s a well-known name. A lot of respect among the ranks.” He paused, as if weighing his next words carefully. “I didn’t realize he had a daughter.”
My heart thrummed. “Well, he didn’t seem to realize that either,” I said bitterly, the words slipping out before I could stop them. My skin heated. My stomach twisted as I tried to keep my breathing steady, knowing that he would feel a change in my rhythms with my back pressed against him.
“I’m–”
I cut him off. “I don’t need an apology or pity. I made it here just fine.” I hadn’t meant to sound so resentful, but the wound still burns and is buried deeper than I like to admit. My throat tightened as memories of my childhood flickered through my mind.
My mother trying to hide her tears when she thought I was asleep. My relief every time there was a knock on our door and my disappointment when it wasn’t him. My envy when I saw little girls being tossed in the air by their daddy.
The little girls never had to worry about their fathers intentionally letting them fall.
Rhodes’s sternness stole me from my thoughts. “I wasn’t going to apologize or pity you. I was going to say I’m impressed by your strength. And ashamed that someone like Captain Thorne holds a leadership position in our military.”
