Page 26 of Love's Harvest
Sarah swallowed hard.“I’ll walk you to the door.”
They kissed without lingering, then she stood aside while he left.
After she closed and locked the door, Sarah burst into tears.Looking around, she noticed the photograph of Jesse with the girls when they were infants.It was sitting on a table in the living room.That was before he began to spiral.
She marched over to it, and in a fit of anger, she threw it on the floor, shattering the glass.
Furious at him for what he’d done to them, she kicked at the frame.
When Sarah caught her breath, she stared at the mess on the floor.It was time to clean out her house and get rid of her past.She’d already removed photographs of Jesse’s parents from the grouping she’d created right after she and Jesse were married.After his parents had accused her of being at fault for how she’d handled Jesse’s depression, she couldn’t bear to look at their faces.
She stood staring at nothing, her fists clenched.All of a sudden, she screamed into the empty space, “Okay!I get it!Time to forgive myself!”
She put on some rock music and danced until she could hardly move, anything to get rid of her pent-up feelings.When she couldn’t get her breath, she clenched her sides, then collapsed on the couch laughing until she burst into loud, heartfelt sobs.Her body began to shake, almost as if she was in shock, and she wrapped herself in the soft throw she’d hung on the back of the couch.
When her sobbing finally stopped, she lay back on the cushions and stared at the ceiling, feeling too weak to move.But her thoughts kept circling in her head.She’d tried to get help for Jesse, but after a few sessions with a doctor he didn’t like, he refused to find another.And the medicine he was supposed to take was sometimes, but not always, taken.And other forbidden ones were taken in its place.All this while she was coping with two babies alone when Jesse disappeared for long periods of time or sat refusing to move from his favorite chair to help her.
Even the morning of the day he died, he’d lied to her and said he was feeling better.It wasn’t until late afternoon that she realized something was terribly wrong.She had her neighbor watch the babies, and following her instincts, got in her car.She found his truck at the wooded park at the edge of the town.Their special place.
Unaware she was crying, she’d run into the woods and followed their favorite path until she found him.He’d used a gun to the head to end his life.Even now, thinking of it, her stomach turned.She drew deep breaths to steady herself.
Sarah finally forced herself to her feet, intent on following her new plan.She went to her bedroom and packed away the jewelry Jesse had given her.The girls might enjoy having those pieces when they were older.She faced her closet and her bureau.If she was ever going to free herself from the guilt and pain, it was time to clear them of certain items that reminded her of Jesse.She looked at the things she’d brought to Lilac Lake with her.The first to go was a blue dress that he’d loved seeing her wear.
By the time she was through cleaning out both the closet and her bureau, she had a large collection to give to charity.She'd changed her bedding when she moved back home, but looking at it now, she realized she’d picked out something Jesse would have liked.Tomorrow, she’d drive to a Target and get something different, something that reminded her of happier days in Lilac Lake, something feminine.
Exhausted, she looked at the clock, surprised to see it was after two a.m.
She peeled off her clothes and climbed into bed, still wearing her underwear, too tired to do more.
CHAPTER NINE
As soon as Sarah woke up in the morning, feeling groggy from a restless sleep, she lay in bed, planning her day.From this moment on, she was going to make her life her own.First, she needed to call her mother.
Sarah got out of bed, made herself a cup of coffee, and then picked up her phone.She was tired of listening to other people tell her what she should and should not do.
“Hi, Mom.I was wondering if you could keep the girls with you all day for me.I have a number of projects to take care of, and I can’t do them if they’re with me.”
“Of course, dear,” said her mother.“The girls have had a delightful time playing ‘dress-up.’And I can take them to the movies this afternoon.Even if they can’t sit still for most of the show, it will be something different for them, and it will get me out of the house.”
“Thanks.You don’t know how much I appreciate it,” gushed Sarah.“You’re the best Mimi ever.”
Her mother laughed.“It’s exhausting work, but I love them so much.What are you going to be doing?"
"We’ll talk later.I’m about to leave the house now,” she fibbed.She didn’t want anyone to interfere with her day.
Sarah fixed herself a slice of wheat toast and another cup of coffee and sat down to write a list of things to get done.Just before she left the kitchen to take a shower, she made a phone call to Gage Martens, a local veterinarian.
Satisfied that she was ready to begin her day, Sarah showered and dressed, then headed out.
Her first stop was to visit Gage.He lived on a small farm outside of town and was in charge of the animal rescue center.She’d always wanted a dog.The girls had been asking for one, and now was the time to make her move.Jesse had refused to let her have a dog in the house.But with her new attitude toward her life, nobody could stop her.
Gage was fairly new to town, and with his hot body, brown hair, and butterscotch eyes, he had most eligible females suddenly thinking of owning a pet.
Sarah drove into the parking lot of the animal rescue center feeling optimistic.Gage had encouraged her to think of an older dog, not a puppy, and had told her he had one in mind.
She got out of the car and headed inside.The noise of barking dogs hit her ears, and she wondered if she should’ve asked about a cat instead.
But when Gage walked into the waiting area with a golden retriever on a lease, she knew she’d been right.
