Page 90 of The Italian Reckoning
Rocky changes the channel andGremlinsappears, already halfway through. It serves its purpose though and Rocky settles down to watch. Every so often, he pops a couple of kernels of popcorn into his mouth and chews slowly as if he’s watching something so important that the mere crunch of a snack will make him miss important details.
“Rocky?”
“Mmhmm?” His eyes dart to me immediately.
“Why are you here?”
The relaxed look on his face vanishes and he pauses mid-chew. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” Bracing myself on the couch, I shift to an upright position. “Why are you really here? Why haven’t you left yet?”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“That’s not what I’m asking.”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Rocky smiles softly, almost a little sadly.
“No.”
“Because I love you, Sarah. I thought that wasglaringlyobvious.”
My heart stalls slightly in my chest. “You don’t love me.”
“I do.”
“How can you?” My voice cracks and I swallow hard. “I don’t understand.”
“Very easily,” Rocky replies and he sets the bowl aside. “What don’t you understand?”
“Everything. Everything I put you through, everything I did. The yelling and the fighting and the… everything these past weeks. How can you love that?”
“Sarah, that’s what love is. What you went through and what you’re currently going through doesn’t change how I feel about you. Because how I feel about you is what makes me take care of you. When people you love are hurting, you take care of them in any way you can, and Sarah, you went through something horrific. Twice. And I…” He frowns slightly. “I can’t take that from you, and I can’t ever understand as much as I want to. So I’m here to help you and support you in any way I can. And I’m not going to blame you for how you react to things because I can’t fathom how painful it is to even process what you went through. So… for me, it’s really easy. I love you, and I’m here. For as long as you want me. And that’s all that matters to me.”
I want to tell him he’s wrong. That I have nothing good to offer him. My feelings for Rocky are jumbled and lost under the sheer exhaustion of just keeping myself together. But he speaks with such gentle softness that I want to cry. I want to push him away as much as I want to pull him close. I almost tell him to go and find someone much more worth loving, but the determination burning in his eyes stops me. He rubs one hand over his thigh and scoffs gently.
“And… maybe part of it is because I’m selfish.”
“How?” I ask hoarsely.
“When I’m with you, when I’m near you, everything up here is quiet.” He lightly taps his temple. “Usually, I feel like I’m running a million miles a second, but when I’m with you, I feel like I can breathe. Like I can think real thoughts and really hear myself. Something about you, Sarah, just calms me in ways I’ve never experienced before. So I know that you’re special. To me.And so everything else is easy. Because I love you. You make me smile. You make me feel at ease. Your compassion is admirable. Your conviction to your morals and doing the right thing. And you make me feel so calm.”
Okay, I’m definitely going to cry now.
Kicking back the blanket, I stand slowly and stretch out the slight ache in my legs from sitting for too long. Holding out my hand, I take the remote from Rocky and change the channel to one that plays music and then hold out my hand again.
“Dance with me.”
Rocky’s brows lift slightly. “Huh?”
What better way to find out if he truly is for me? “Dance with me.”
Rocky takes my hand and stands slowly, then he steps closer to me and very cautiously places one hand on my waist. I place my other hand on his shoulder and stare up at him, studying the depth of soul visible in his eyes and then smile.
The music plays, and we start to sway together back and forth. It’s a spur of the moment idea, and I’m not entirely sure what I’m hoping this will tell me. Maybe fate will intervene and fuck this up as some kind of sign that we’re not destined together.
But nothing like that happens. We stay arm in arm, swaying together to the music, and it becomes almost too easy to lean into Rocky and follow his lead. He doesn’t say a word when I lean closer and eventually lay my head on his shoulder, or when we become so aligned that we’re swaying as one. We dance through several songs before I speak.
“I haven’t danced in years,” I say softly. “Not properly. Not like this. But I used to love it. Y’know, before.”
