Page 28 of Heartstrings & Horizons
Cade: For you? All the time in the world.
I don’t think she realizes how much she means to me already. I don’t pretend to know everything she’s been through. I know she didn’t have the best childhood and her relationship with her parents has been strained since their divorce. We’ve tried to keep most of our conversations surface level, but when she lets me in, it touches a part of me I didn’t know existed.
Being the only son with older sisters and a large age gap, my upbringing was basically like being an only child. I had my own issues with my dad’s absence after the divorce, but I never wanted for much, and certainly not love or affection.
Paige’s story is vastly different.
Incoming call from Paige
“Hello.”
“Cade.”
Fuck, it’s good to hear her voice.
She pauses for a breath then continues — her voice is solemn, “There’s a lot I have to say but first, I’m really sorry for pulling away from you this week. I come with a lot of baggage, Cade, and honestly… I was scared.”
“Scared of what, baby?”Baby— the endearment just slipped out, but it didn’t feel wrong. It felt like a puzzle piece locking into place.
“I don’t let many people into my life. I’ve been burned in the past and I have a lot of insecurities to unpack. I… I feel like if I finally let people truly know me and let my guard down, they’ll just… leave.” I hear her choke on the last word and I want to reach through the phone and wrap her in my arms. I want to ruin every person who has ever hurt this girl. “Sometimes I think it’s easier if I jump ship first.”
“You leave first before they can leave you.”
“Yeah,” she says, inhaling a shaky breath. “I worry I’ll disappoint people, or fail to live up to their arbitrary expectations.”
“Paige. Where you’re concerned, I have no expectations. I want you in my life, in any way that I can have you.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m afraid I’ve already given you too many pieces of me. It won’t be long before you own me completely.”
I’m stunned speechless. I want her to be mine, but I don’t want her to fear it. Before I can respond, she continues to speak, filling the silence for me.
“There’s a darkness inside me, and some days it’s impossible to overcome. Simple tasks seem insurmountable, basic human interaction is overwhelming, and every single instinct compels me to close myself off — to shut out the world and find comfort in the quiet. I won’t drag you down with me, Cade.”
God, this girl. She has no idea what a light she is for other people — so much so that she doesn’t have any of it left for herself.
“Don’t do that, Paige. Don’t decide for me.”
“You deserve someone who isn’t… broken.”
“Paige, baby…” I whisper, my voice filled with tenderness — I want her to reallyhearme. “I want all of your broken pieces. Whatever demons are haunting you, I want to help chase them all away. I don’t know what a future would look like for us, but you’ve had a piece of my heart from the moment I saw you. In another life, one where you weren’t a world away, you’d already be mine.”
A heavy silence falls between us, my words hanging over us like a prayer.
“Marry me, Cade.”
Paige
Earth to Paige! What the hell did you just say?
I think I’ve stunned myself into silence this time. It’s been about 30 seconds since I proposed and we’ve both just been listening to each other breathe. I’m terrified that I’ve fucked everything up. He has every right to hang up on me — I wouldn't blame him, so I’m just sitting here in limbo waiting to hear the telltale sound of the line going dead. What kind of crazy person proposes to a guy she’s known for all of 8 weeks and never actually met in person? I guess it just seemed like the logical solution to the proximity problem.
“Okay.”
“I’m sorry, what?” I couldn’t possibly have heard him correctly.
