Page 39 of Pour Decisions
But the feelings are so intense and warm and nostalgic that I can’t keep myself from revisiting them over and over again. So much of it is intangible, just a sense ofrightbeing with him. Like he’s tuned into me and I’m tuned into him.
And seeing that little soft center at random moments is killing me. I want the world to see that he’s not a huge asshole, but I also love keeping these little pieces of him for myself.
And that’s not even including the fact that he made me come so hard I saw stars without even taking my pants off. Literallyhoursafter I told myself that getting involved with him would be terrible for a bunch of reasons.
At least I have the day apart from him to think things through. Perrie invited me to brunch with her and the baby while her husband works, so I head into town.
We’re trying yet another new spot. Jepsen had a restaurant renaissance in the decade since I left, and everything is pretty good so far.
“You look…” Perrie scans me as I slide into the seat. “Extra good.”
“Extragood?” I scoot over so the sun isn’t directly into my eyes and tickle Edie’s tummy in greeting. She gives me a gummy smile in return.
“Yeah. Like you’ve done some things…” She narrows her eyes at me. “Somethings.”
She couldn’t be more subtle, could she?
“Oh my god.” I slide my sunglasses on, like my eyes are giving away the fact that I’ve let just a little pressure off the valve. “I don’t look like that.”
“You don’tlooklike that. But that doesn’t mean you didn’t do that.” She perks up. “Did you and JD…?”
I sigh and nod. Before she says something, I say, “It just…happened.”
Perrie blinks. “Wait. What?”
I tell her everything—the real reason behind our breakup, how I forgave him, the vibrator incident, the cookies, and the other night. And most importantly, how my feelings have come back so fast and hard despite it being the worst possible time for me to even consider another relationship, especially with the man who broke my heart a decade ago.
The waiter comes and takes our drink orders. They specialize in fancy mocktails, so we both get one. I’m not in the mood for any alcohol after yesterday.
“Holy shit, girl,” Perrie says, her eyes wide as saucers. “That escalated really, really fast.”
“Yeah, I know.” I play with my necklace. “I texted him and told him we should stay friends right after, though.”
“Why are you saying that like you told him you have to go do your taxes by hand?” Perrie pauses when the waiter drops off our drinks. We tap our glasses together.
I bite my lip. “Because I’m not sure if that’s the right move. The feelings are there, but the past is there too. I’ve forgiven him, but going all the way to taking him back right after my marriage ended feels too hasty. We have a lot of baggage.”
“Your marriage had been dead since the beginning. No offense,” she says, tucking a stray blonde curl behind her ear.
“I know, but still. Divorce is a major shift in my life and I shouldn’t rush into anything that’s so attached to my past.” I sip my drink. “And what if the last time we dated was a fluke? What if we break up again for actual reasons? I don’t know if I could handle that.”
Perrie’s expression softens.
“That’s an understandable feeling,” she says. “I mean, as much as I think it would be a little romantic to reconnect, I’m thinking with my trashy TV brain instead of my best friend who cares brain.”
I half smile. “Thanks, Perrie.”
“Why not go out with Dan’s friend?” Perrie asks. Her husband, Dan, is a nice guy, so I’m assuming he has decent friends. “He’s nice and single. No baggage.”
“A date?” Something about that doesn’t sit right with me. “I feel like I should go out with the guy because I want to, not to ward off JD.”
“Fair,” she says. “But you can just go out with him because you want to shake things up, don’t you? Even if you weren’t in this weird entanglement with JD, I’d offer to set you up with him. Maybe going out with someone new will give you some more perspective about what you should do.”
Once again, Perrie is right. If I don’t take a step in any direction, I’ll spin in circles and stress myself out about this, especially since JD and I live together.
“That makes sense. Do you have a pic?” I ask.
“I wouldn’t set you up with a guy who wasn’t at least close to your level.” She scrolls through her phone. “But you’re such a babe that it’d be impossible to find a guy who could match you.”
