Page 64 of Pour Decisions
Me: Ash. ASH.
“Nana, can I see those gummies?” I ask, putting my phone down facedown.
“Hm? Why?” Nana frowns, pushing her glasses up on her nose.
“I just want to see what’s in them. Ash isn’t telling me.” I pause. “It might not be…legal.”
“Oh, do you think they’re pot?” Nana asks with a snort. When I don’t reply she full-on laughs. “John David, I’m familiar with the Devil’s lettuce. Your mom was as squeaky clean as can be, but your aunt Nadine sure wasn’t. These are magnesium gummies.”
“Aunt Nadine? Really?” She’s the most uptight aunt I have.
“Whew, yes. She was trouble and a half. Then she popped out those cousins of yours who gave her hell as revenge, andnow she’s the fun police.” She huffs, then looks at Kat. “Are you keeping him fun, Kat?”
“Of course.” Kat smiles at me. “He’s more capable of fun now, I think. We had a nice little overnight trip to Nashville and we went dancing.”
“JD? Dancing?” Nana’s eyebrows go up.
“I’m not Waylon,” I say, stuffing the rest of a cookie into my mouth. “I can dance.”
“Thank god for that. He dances like he’s being attacked by a swarm of invisible bees. Most of the musicality in y’all’s gene pool went to Ash.” Nana sips her tea. “Or your damn father sucked it all out of you.”
Dad doesn’t like music—any music at all. I think he’s genuinely tone deaf. So needless to say, Ash being in a band and blasting music most of our time growing up didn’t get him any favors.
“He’s a great dancer.” Kat squeezes my hand, then yawns. “Sorry. It’s been a long day.”
“Want to head out?” I ask.
“I don’t, but we should.” Kat stands. “Where’s the bathroom?”
“Down the hall, to the left,” Nana says.
Kat disappears down the hall and shuts the door. Bubba follows her and lays down outside of it.
“She’s a good egg, JD,” Nana says seconds later, scooping Coco up from the floor. “She’s the one you never got over for a good reason.”
“I know.” I glance down the hall. The water is still running. “I’m just afraid of messing it all up again.”
“Well, from my understanding, your damn father was a big part of the first time everything fell apart, wasn’t he?”
I nod. Even though the contexts are different, I can see how he hasn’t changed a bit in the past decade. He made it clear thatI had to do as he asked to get approval. But I’m not the same person as I was back then.
“Dad and I haven’t been seeing eye to eye for a while, and it feels like I’m seeing how he’s always been for the first time.Reallyseeing.” I swallow. “ I feel dumb for not seeing it sooner.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Nana sighs. “You’re not dumb. You’re just an adult realizing that your father’s just as human as you are. He’s a jerk human, but human just the same. You have to relearn how to be with him.”
I have a lot to relearn, then. And determine what my future looks like.
Kat comes out of the bathroom and grins at Bubba, then at me. Her smile is bright and warm, like we’re seeing each other for the first time in a while.
I need to determine whatourfuture looks like.
We say goodbye to Nana and head out.
“Nana is so fun,” Kat says, stroking Bubba’s head where it rests between the two front seats. “We should hang out with her again.”
“We should. Usually she swings by on Thanksgiving.” I start up the car. “Speaking of, do you want to spend it with me? It would be a big step, though, and there’s the matter of my father.”
I don’t want her to take that step if she’s not ready, as much as I want to be with her.
