Page 60 of Resting Grump Face
She doesn’t know what to make of all this. Although, frankly, neither do I. It is a coincidence that we both love eating here, but then again, this is one of the most popular hidden spots in town and whoever knows about it, also knows about their waffles that come in different dinosaur shapes. And who wouldn’t love that?
I don’t answer her question. Instead, I make her tell me about how she’d approach revamping my public image. She begins rambling and goes on a long rant about crisis management, strategic partnerships, branding and messaging, and how it is possible I don’t have an entire team doing this already. It’s captivating how professional and serious she can get in an instant. I honestly don’t care about the content, because I couldn’t care less about what other people think of me, but I could listen to her for hours. I guess I do because it’s almost afternoon when we finally leave Cereal Killers. We walk back to my car and I take us to another place that I worry might be a little too familiar for Sienna, which could ruin the surprise. So I decide to park two blocks down from our destination and to walk the rest. When we get to the building, Sienna is limping ever so slightly. She looks at me with a glassy stare when we are standing in front of the stairs that we have to climb.
“What floor and why? Is it worth it? Can’t we just?—”
“Come on.” I turn around and kneel. “It’s either this or the elevator,” I say when she doesn’t hop on my back.
A moment later, I can feel her familiar shape against me again. It’s… nice. I try not to touch her inappropriately, but there’s no way around some contact.She does have a fantastic ass.
“What’s the deal with you and elevators, anyway?” I ask as we make it to the fourth floor.
“No deal. Just not too fond of them. Every year, up to 30 people die in those metal prisons.”
“Cars kill a lot more, but you don’t seem to have an issue with those metal prisons.”
We make it to the fifth floor where I had Barb book an Airbnb for the day. I punch the code into the lock and enter. The rose petals on the floor and bed make the apartment look a little more romantic than it did in the pictures, which causes Sienna to walk right out again.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Back when I said you’d have to pay full price from now on, I didn’t mean an actual salary. I will not fuck you on my very first day at work.”
Right. I can see how she would be confused by this.
“Hold on, let me explain,” I try to stop her by the stairs. When she doesn’t let me, I —without giving it a second thought— throw her over my shoulder and carry her back inside. “It’s not what it looks like,” I assure her.
She doesn’t fight back. Instead, she waits for me to put her down to her feet. It is then that she lands a jab right to my stomach. I am unprepared and hunch over with slight discomfort.
“No one ever taught you that you can’t just abduct people without asking?”
I take a deep breath and use my hands to prop myself up on my knees. “I really wish you’d use pillows instead of your fists from now on.”
Sienna doesn’t hesitate for a second. She steps over to the bed, grabs a pillow and starts whacking my head. “Happy to,” she says and swings once more.
Not wanting to lose a second round of Pillow Fight Club, I reach around her and press her against my chest. She’s facing the same direction as me, so trying to hit me with a pillow is a rather clumsy endeavor.
“Please stop and hear me out,” I say, and wait for her to calm down. “I assure you, I didn’t bring you here to have sex, and I am under no impression that you would have sex with me on your first day of work. That’s more of a third- or fourth-day activity,” I joke, which elicits a grumble and more pillow fire from my captive. When she stops, I carry her to a window and put her down.
Sienna gasps when she discovers what I brought her here for. “No way,” she whispers. “Is it Monday?”
“It is.”
“Is it almost showtime?” she asks, pressing her nose against the glass.
I get two chairs and place them in front of the window, then gently guide Sienna to her seat. Her eyes are fixed on the office across the street. The clock says we have a few more minutes. Barb did a thorough job, as always. We have popcorn, nachos and two pairs of binoculars.
“I am sorry I hit you,” Sienna says eventually while reaching for the popcorn. “I promise not to do it again if you promise not to spring any more surprises on me.”
“Sure, I promise to communicate any future surprises well in advance. I wouldn’t want you to get excited about?—”
She shushes me when a row of skimpily dressed women enters her former boss’s office. I pull out my phone and play some Joe Cocker.
“I am so happy right now,” Sienna gushes and reaches for my hand, then looks at me with wide eyes and an even wider grin. Then she goes back to observing the show through her binoculars. “This is better than anything they have atHoles & PolesandThe Pearl Necklacecombined.”
I am not interested in the women getting undressed across the street, but I can’t pry my eyes off the fully dressed woman sitting next to me. She whistles at a girl who, according to her, has‘a fantastic wiggle wiggle’, she lets out an excitedwohooo-sound when another performer does a split on top of two other girls, and she gives a standing ovation once the show is wrapped up almost three hours later.
“That was worth every last cent of your money,” Sienna says with glee.
It’s getting dark outside, but her smile is lighting up the room.
“Luckily, I have some more lying around,” I respond. “But I am glad you liked it. I was kind of hoping for him to get fired right then and there to be honest.”
