Page 31 of Single Mom's Undoing
I can’t, however, agree that this is where I’m supposed to be. I want to, but I can’t. The only thing I can do is bide my time and make the most of this. They’ll hate me when I’m gone, I know it. I was too weak to resist them, and I will hurt them again. I have no choice.
Bill Lockwood will eventually return to Blackthorn Falls.
And when he does, I’ll be gone.
Again.
9
CLARA
Aweek goes by, and my life finds a strange kind of balance.
Matty spends his days in the Vanguard daycare while I begin drafting my first proposals for the six new training bases. I visit him as often as I can, and I make sure we have lunch together every day out in the garden, where we can watch the new recruits train. He loves it, and I love to see him happy and settled. The urgency of his heart condition lingers, but he soldiers through every episode like the fighter that he is.
I’ve spent a few of my nights with Carter, Damon, and Jace. They take turns, and I welcome each of them. Different touches, different experiences, yet all three capable of healing and bringing out the woman in me. It’s addictive, and I know it will break me when it’s over.
“Gosh, I haven’t been to one of these in a long time,” I say as we walk through the gates of the Blackthorn Falls Summer Fair.
It’s the seven of us—me and the guys—with Jodie keeping Shiloh and Matty close behind. I’m nervous. It’s my first official public outing, and it took the guys a while to talk me into coming. Jodie ultimately convinced me to go, mostly for Matty. My son shouldn’t pay for my fear of Bill Lockwood, and neither should Carter, Damon, or Jace, for that matter.
“You’re nervous,” Carter notes. “You shouldn’t be.”
“It’s been a while,” I reply. “And I didn’t exactly leave on the best of terms with this town. Don’t think I didn’t hear the rumors.”
“People talk, and then people forget,” Damon says before briefly glancing back at his daughter. “Shy-Shy, Jodie can take you and Matty to the cotton candy guy. How does that sound?”
I look around, suddenly overwhelmed by the ensemble of food stalls flanking both sides of the main fairway. Everything is green and sunny, with a plethora of summer-themed spaces situated on manicured fields, the mingling smells of deliciously deep-fried goodies filling my nostrils, making my stomach growl.
“Cotton candy guy?” I ask.
“It’s just Axel,” Jodie laughs, pointing to the right. “The kids love him.”
“I can see why,” I say as I follow her gaze.
Axel is in his early sixties, a joyful man with a long, braided beard. He’s wearing a colorful Hawaiian shirt with jean shorts, and he makes cotton candy seem like an art as he adds different shades of fruity food coloring to the pot.
There are at least a half dozen kids gathered around him, along with their parents, watching and giggling as he spins out a rainbow-colored ball and hands it to a little girl. Matty and Shiloh are immediately excited.
“Momma, please?” Matty asks. “Can I have some? Please?”
“Of course, baby. Go with Shy-Shy and Jodie. We’ll be right here,” I reply with a soft smile, then give Jodie a wink.
She winks back and guides the little ones over to Axel’s cotton candy stall, while I shift my focus to the crowd.
“Gosh, there are so many people here today,” I mumble, suddenly nervous.
I feel like I’m about to present an essay in front of an auditorium full of people. Carter and Damon stand to my left, Jace to my right, yet I still feel nervous.
“You’re going to be okay. Most people don’t even remember,” Jace says, resting a hand on the small of my back.
“I really want to believe that, but we all know the whole town made noise after Stephan died.”
“It was poorly timed,” Damon says. “But it’s been five years, Clara. Nobody’s judging you for your decision to walk away. They understand the pain that his passing caused you.”
“See? All good,” Jace says as we casually move forward up the main fairway. He glances to our left, where a couple of food stalls offer Southern specialties—deep-fried with a variety of sauces. “I think we could all do with some chicken and bacon fries right about now. What do you say?”
“That doesn’t sound bad at all,” I reply with a soft smile.
