Page 20 of Alice & Meg: Summer Vacation
Alice squinted at me.“I had one on the back of my toilet this morning.”
I looked around.“Okay, what the hell is happening?Where are these turtles coming from?”
Greta and Raven burst out laughing.
“You guys are crazy,” Raven said.“I haven’t found a single turtle.”
Greta held out her hand.“Let me see that.It looks adorable.”
I handed her the turtle and dug back into my purse.Lo had a long-standing habit of stealing my pens, so I’d taken up collecting weird and oversized ones that were harder to pocket.
I found what I was looking for and pulled out a massive pen that was black, white, and red, with a grip thick enough to use as a hammer.
I held it up to Adley.
“What is that?”Raven blurted.
“That thing is huge,” Alice gasped.
I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up.“Seven point three inches to be exact.”
Adley gawked.“That thing is bigger than the average American.”
“Nope!”Slayer suddenly shouted, and his hands slapped over his ears.“I don’t want to hear that my daughter knows the average American penis size!”
He had shouted it so loud that half the restaurant turned to stare.
“Oh my,” Wendy giggled.She elbowed him, but Slayer just shook his head.
“I said no,” he repeated, louder.
“Shut up,” Wendy hissed.
He dropped his hands.“I don’t even know the average American’s penis size.My little girl should not either.”
Alice groaned and dropped her face into her hands.“I hate to break it to you, Slayer, but your little girl is in her thirties.”
She turned to Adley.“What is the average American’s size?”
Adley cleared her throat and was still holding the ridiculous pen.“Uh, five point one to five point five inches.”
“Bull fucking shit,” Lo called from my side.
I patted his shoulder.“I’ve always known you were way above average, babe.”
“Who’s got the biggest average?”Hero asked Adley, clearly enjoying the show.
Adley glanced around nervously.“Uh, well, Congo.Seven point one inches.”
Reva choked on her water, and Hero quickly patted her back.
“Sorry,” Reva coughed out.“Adley just told me earlier that was where she wanted to go on vacation.”
“Oh my God!”Slayer shouted.
Wendy turned to Adley, eyes wide.“You want to go on vacation there?”
“Wait, what?”Adley sputtered.“I never—”
