Page 37 of Icing the Cougar
I shrug, because the answer is no and yes, all at once.
Nova’s voice softens, just a hair. “You said you didn’t give a shit about that stuff. You said—”
“I lied,” I say. “It hurts. It fucking hurts. And I don’t want Jasper to get caught in the crossfire.” I blink, and my vision wobbles. “I’m poison to him, Nova. He’s already got suspended for fighting. The press is sniffing around. The more I’m there, the worse it gets.”
Nova is silent for a minute, the longest I’ve ever seen her keep her mouth shut. Then she stands and starts pulling books out of the box I’d just taped shut. She places each one back on the shelf, neat and precise, undoing my work page by page.
“Stop,” I say, but it’s weak, and she ignores me anyway.
She piles my yoga journals and my battered copy of The Art of War back where they belong, then turns to face me again.
“You’re not doing this for him,” she says. “You’re doing it for you.”
I glare. “Excuse me?”
“You’re scared,” Nova says. “You’re scared he’s going to leave, so you’re running first. That’s not noble, Trin. That’s just cowardice.”
Her words slice deep, but the part that stings is how much I want to believe she’s wrong.
She gestures around the room. “You can box up every memory, every t-shirt, every fucking spoon. It’s not going to make you forget him. Or make it hurt any less.”
I want to argue, but all I can do is stare at the way my own shoes look.
Nova sighs, a long, dramatic exhale. “What are you going to do? Move to Portland and take a vow of celibacy? Eat vegan donuts until you die?”
I almost smile at that. “I’ll figure something out.”
She leans in. “If you really care about Jasper, you don’t cut and run. You face him. You talk it out. You don’t disappear and leave him to the wolves.”
I look up, startled. “I don’t know about that.”
“Maybe he needs you,” she says, quietly.
The room is silent.
Nova grabs one of the wine boxes, rips it open, and pours two glasses. She pushes one toward me. “Drink up. I’m going to keep you from doing anything stupid until you sober up.”
I take a sip, the wine sharp and dry, and watch her with suspicion.
She pulls out her phone and starts tapping away. “Oh, and by the way, you are going to an aerial show with me tomorrow night,” she says, eyes never leaving the screen. “I know the guy running it. You’re going with me.”
I shake my head. “No. I’m not—”
She holds up a hand. “You’re going. You need to get out of this cave and remember what it’s like to be alive.”
I’m about to protest again when I realize I have no energy left for fighting. None. I drain the wine, set down the glass, and stare at the half-unpacked box by my feet.
“Fine,” I say, voice small. “But I’m not promising to stay.”
Nova grins, wicked and triumphant. “Just show up, Trin. That’s all you ever have to do.”
She starts putting away the rest of the groceries, humming to herself.
I sit at the island, watching her, and let the silence wash over me. Maybe she’s right. Maybe showing up is all that’s left.
Chapter 19
Jasper
