Page 51 of Trusting You
She had her hands wrapped around a mug of tea and looked too perfect on my couch. I had to fight the urge to ask her to stay here forever. After another busy night at the taproom, I was able to talk Cece into spending the night with me. The thought of going home without her filled me with dread.
“Liam. Please tell me.”
Part of me didn’t want to share my shame and embarrassment. But at the same time I didn’t want to lose her. This wasn’t casual, no matter what she said. And I knew I needed to be honest with her if this was ever going to go anywhere. And for the first time, I felt like I had a teammate, a confidante, someone who had my back. And I wanted to share this story, I wanted to unburden myself.
“Well, right after I finished my apprenticeship after college, I started brewing and networking with other brewers and business types. I met this great guy, Eric, who was an investor, who had built some other breweries and distilleries in New England. We ended up developing a friendship and a partnership.” Looking back, Eric was bad news. Early forties, twice divorced, sketchy finances, and a tendency to lie and exaggerate. But I had a dream, and he said all the right things to get me on the hook.
“My girlfriend at the time, Delilah, was really involved with the project. She’s an interior designer and helped design the space with Eric and me. It took two years of planning, but we finally opened up just outside of Portsmouth, New Hampshire. It was beautiful. Not super functional, because she didn’t care much about the actual brewing of beer. But everything was state-of-the-art and top-of-the-line.” Cece sat silently, absorbing every word. I wanted to reach out and take her in my arms and forget all about this embarrassing chapter in my life.“I sunk every penny I had into it. At one point, I sold my car to pay for equipment. This was my entire life.”
I took a breath, studying her reaction. “Wow. I had no idea. And Delilah, was it serious?” She asked.
“I don’t know. Looking back I don’t think so. But at the time I thought it was. And I thought we would get married and build our empire together. She was so supportive and so involved in every detail. Turns out it was because she was cheating on me with Eric.” I hated saying this part out loud. Being swindled by an unethical business partner was one thing, but also getting cheated on at the same time? Even thought this was six years ago, it still chafed.
“Oh my God. I am so sorry.”
“Thank you. So, as you can imagine, our business relationship soured. We fought and then we ended up going under. The beer was just okay, he had way too much input in the brewing aspect, and our finances were a mess. He held himself out as an expert, but he was an idiot who overspent on our space and all these amenities so we were deep in the red when we opened. We were destined to fail. We ended up having to auction off everything just to pay back the debts. I lost literally everything I had as well as my pride. It took me a long time to even consider brewing again.” In some ways Delilah did me a favor. And by fucking my business partner behind my back, she sped that process along.
“I was depressed for a long time. I considered giving up and pursuing a different career. Everything was shit. I had no money, no references, and no plan.”
“So what did you do?”
“I wallowed for a while. Declan had just gotten out of the navy and let me live with him for six months while I worked my shit out. And he and Callum basically verbally and physically kicked my ass until I decided to try again.” It was a dark time. But I got through it. I made changes. I trusted my instincts and brewed how I wanted to. “I bought this crappy old warehouse and made smart money choices while building it out and buying equipment. And I didn’t take on partners or investors. I wanted to do it myself. Ihadto do it myself.”
“I’m so sorry. It must have really hurt.” She squeezed my hand and I instantly felt better. I had never unburdened myself like this before and it felt good to have this kind, smart woman in my corner.
“You would think, right? But at the time, I was way more upset about the professional betrayal than my girlfriend cheating on me. I realized that I didn’t love her because I was devastated to lose my dream but not as devastated to lose her.” And that is when I realized that if I was going to try again I could not lose focus. I had to give everything I had to making my dream come true and my personal life would have to wait. “So I wasn’t really in love with her.”
She sat silently, contemplating what I had shared. I loved that she never felt compelled to fill the silences.
“And I learned a valuable lesson—that personal stuff can’t get in the way of my dream.”
She sat up and stared at me. “Really? So you don’t think you can have a personal life and a successful brewery?”
“I don't know. But I certainly never envisioned someone as beautiful, brilliant, and talented as you showing up at my door.” I smirked and grabbed her, pulling her onto my lap. She squirmed around, torturing me with that gloriously round ass for a minute before I hugged her tight and buried my face in her wild hair.
“Fair point, Quinn.”
“So what about you? Did you love your dick pic ex?”
She laughed. “Definitely not. I knew I didn’t love him.” That was interesting. I am glad she didn’t, obviously, but I sensed there was more to the story.
“Then why did you stay? Why did you live with him?”
“The crazy thing is that I would have married him if he asked.”
“But you didn’t love him?”
She got a sad look on her face. I wanted to kiss it off her. “In hindsight, I’m not even sure I liked him.”
“Jesus, Cece. No matter what happens between us. Please promise me you will never sell yourself short like that again. Never settle for someone you don’t love or even like. Never settle for some shitty soul-sucking job. You are incredible and you deserve incredible things.” I wrapped her up in my arms and held her close.
She didn’t respond for a few moments. Her eyes were teary, and I hated myself for asking so many questions. “It’s just…losing my dad suddenly at thirteen destroyed me. It crushed my whole family. You just never come back from that. And since that day, I always promised myself I would be safe and protect my heart. Because that loss, it lives within me to this day.”
I squeezed her tight. I wanted her to know that I was here for her. “And so I always took the safe path. I chose a safe major, got a boring corporate job, dated boring guys who I didn’t really like. So if it didn’t work out, and it usually didn’t, then I wouldn’t be crushed. I wouldn’t have to live with more loss.”
My heart broke for this poor girl who lost her dad and then decided to settle for the rest of her life. I didn’t know what to say—nothing I could say would be enough. Instead I just held her.
“I know it sounds dumb. But it’s like my heart hasn’t matured since I was thirteen and just wants to protect itself.” The grief in her voice gutted me. I vaguely remembered when Mr. Leary died. I know my mom made us get dressed up and attend his funeral. But I guess I never connected the dots. That the Leary kids would grow up without a dad.
