Page 64 of Trusting You
“I don’t really know what happened. Things have been getting progressively worse for the past few months. If we weren’t arguing and fighting we were ignoring each other. I’m just so exhausted all the time, you know? My plate is full with the kids, my career, the house, Mom, and everything else.”
I didn't know what to say. She was clearly in so much pain.
“I’ve known for a while that things were bad and just tried to push forward.”
“So he moved out?” I asked.
“Yes, a few weeks ago. Josh came home and announced he is a finalist for a prestigious fellowship in New York. He had never told me he applied or mentioned that he wanted to relocate. We got in a big fight about it.”
“Okay. And then what happened?”
“Josh said we’d grown apart and weren't in love anymore. And I agreed. So, a few days later, he packed up and left.”
My heart broke for her. “Oh my God. Are you okay? Are the kids okay?”
She hesitated. “We are all…processing. The kids are shocked and a bit confused, but I am keeping them in a stable routine, and hopefully things will normalize soon.” She spoke clinically, like a robot.
“What about you, Mags? How are you?”
“I don’t know. I am just really confused. Our marriage wasn’t great, and we were both so busy all the time that I haven’t really noticed that he’s gone yet. The kids and I are still trucking along without him. I can’t tell if this was the best or worst decision of my life.”
“Well, are you still in love with him?”
“I don’t know. It’s been so long since I felt romantic love that I almost can’t remember it. Like, I love my kids, and I love you and Mom, and I love a lot of things. But that special love that Josh and I had a decade ago? It’s long gone. And maybe that’s okay?” She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue, and I was so confused.
Maggie and Josh had met at Boston College freshman orientation. They were both Pre-Med and hyper-competitive students. They were inseparable best friends while acing every test and nailing every lab report and being all around awesome. Josh didn’t get up the courage to ask her out until sophomore year and then they becamethatcouple. The beautiful, accomplished couple who were so outrageously in love you wanted to vomit. After graduation they both got accepted to medical school and immediately got married. When I was younger I used to go to bed praying every night I would meet a guy who looked at me the way Josh looked at Maggie. I loved my sister and I loved my brother-in-law, and it broke my heart to think of their family breaking up.
I chose my words carefully, as Maggie’s tears flowed freely. “Okay. So it’s gone for now. But could it come back?”
She blew her nose. “I mean, I’d like to say yes, it could. But I don’t know. How do you get it back? Is that even realistic?”
“Don’t look at me, I have never had a successful relationship. What does he want to do?”
“He wants to be separated and co-parent while we figure things out.”
“What do you want to do?”
She paused and thought for a moment. “I think I want to get divorced so I can resume my life without disruption. Because he is right. We can’t go back to the way things were for the past few years. Looking at it now, it sucked. We weren’t married, we were colleagues who were raising kids and sleeping in the same bed.”
I looked at my sister. While still beautiful and more put together than I would ever be, she looked so defeated. As she stared into her coffee cup, I could see how the years had worn on her. She delayed starting medical school when she got unexpectedly pregnant with Ava. She had planned to go back but then ended up enrolling in a two-year nurse practitioner program so that she could support Josh through his grueling residency. She had built an incredible career for herself, but I could see the years of sacrifice in her slumped shoulders and tired eyes.
I held her hand. “Mags, I don’t believe you. You don’t have to be tough, perfect Maggie for me. You can be honest.”
She sighed and looked at me skeptically. I could tell it was a struggle for her to take off the mask of perfection. “I don’t want to get divorced. I want my husband back. I want my life and my happy family back. I just don’t know where it went. And I can’t even pinpoint when it left. Everything is a weird blur right now. It feels like getting divorced is inevitable at this point.”
“Divorce isn’t inevitable. Maybe there is a way forward that is better?”
She shot me a strange look. “When did you become such an optimist? A romantic?”
“I’m not. I’m just being your sister, and I can help.”
“You already admitted you know nothing about relationships.”
“Yes. But what I lack in practical knowledge I make up for in sarcasm and wine. And love for my big sis.” I pulled her into a hug. “Maggie, I am a realist. You and Josh are both amazing people who love those two kiddos more than anything on earth. I am your sister and I am on your team no matter what. I love you, and I know the past few years have been weird but I am here now for whatever you need.”
She started to sob into my shoulder, and I held her tighter. “I love you.”
I started to cry as well. “I love you too.”
