Page 73 of Trusting You
But instead of agreeing with me, she just looked pissed. “Stop it. You know I believe in love. My Nonna and Puppa loved each other for life. It’s been eight years, and Nonna still wears black to mourn him. My parents love each other and made a big, messy, amazing life with six kids and two restaurants. I am not anti-love for anyone. I just haven’t met the right guy yet.” She stared me down and I shrank in my seat a bit. “And the difference is you have. And if you let him get away, you are a dumbass.”
Fuck. Nora is right. I am a dumbass. And apparently the entire town knows this and I have been blissfully unaware of my dumbassery. This day keeps getting better and better.
“So what do I do?” I needed to get my shit together and I had no idea how.
“Well first, let’s get you home and sober. And then after a long shower and a good meal we can formulate a plan. I am taking you to the diner. I’m going to stuff your face with grilled cheese until you see sense.”
I checked my watch. “The diner isn’t open. They closed at three.”
Nora patted my cheek. “Yes, darling. But Jackie and Joe owe me several favors. I’m texting them now.”
After I paid my tab and thanked Fran, Nora dragged me up the street to the diner. The door was locked but Jackie came over and opened it for us.
“You weren’t lying,” Jackie said to Nora, “she looks like shit.”
“I would never lie to you, Jackie. You have known me since birth. We need to get this girl some grub and then yell at her until she sees sense.”
Jackie smiled. “Well then, you came to the right place.” She turned around and started yelling towards the kitchen. “Joe. Turn the grill back on. We got orders.”
After three grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato and bacon—and a pot of coffee—I was feeling more like myself. Nora licked her fingers. “These are so fucking good.”
“I know. Reminds me of when we were kids.” When Nora and I were in middle school we would save our allowance money and then come to the diner after school. We would sit at the counter and eat grilled cheese and French fries and drink Diet Cokes while reading all the high-end fashion magazines from the newsstand. It felt so good to be back here with her, eating grilled cheese and talking about boys.
I reached out and grabbed her hand across the table. “Thank you for being my best friend.”
“You’re welcome.”
“No, I mean it. Thank you for making me get it together. Thank you for not letting me wallow in self-pity. You are an incredible friend.”
“Oh, I know I am. And you’re welcome. So now we need to figure out what you are going to do about Liam.”
Jackie came over and sat in our booth with a cup of coffee, and I told them all about our fight and the things we had said. I told them about how I had been pulling back because I had been so afraid of my feelings. They listened and nodded, encouraging me to keep going.
“So you guys are right. I am going to talk to him and be honest. Tell him how I feel. If he doesn’t feel the same way, at least I tried.” I was feeling really good about this plan. “And I want to stay here. I don’t want to go back to New York. I don’t want to live in Boston. I want to be here in Havenport.”
“Good. It’s about time you got your head out of your ass.” Jackie saluted me with her coffee mug.
“Thanks, Jackie.”
“It’s worth it, you know?” She looked at Nora and me. “Take risks. Because getting to spend your life with your soulmate is wonderful. I would know.” She looked wistfully at the counter where Joe was reading the newspaper.
Nora and I looked at each other and smiled.
Jackie narrowed her eyes at us. “Now don’t ever tell anyone I said that, okay? No one. If you repeat one word of that you will never get an after-hours grilled cheese again. Understood?”
40
Liam
It was Monday night,and apparently my brothers were coming to drink at the brewery tonight rather than waiting until our usual Tuesday night. Instead of looking forward to seeing them, I was dreading it. I am sure the news of Cece and I breaking up had already spread all over town, and I didn’t want to deal with any of it. I felt like shit. I was shit. I was the biggest piece of shit on the planet.
At least I can be honest with myself about that. At least my dumbass stupid ego can admit when I’ve really fucked up. That is personal growth, right?
Trent came in and interrupted my inner monologue. “You look terrible, bro.”
God, Trent was such a good friend. He was yet another person I didn’t deserve. He was being kind too. I looked like shit. I hadn’t showered since Thursday and had basically been drinking my face off and sleeping in my office.
I couldn’t help that I had no motivation to do anything but wallow. If I went home and slept in my bed I’d be tortured by memories of Cece in that bed with me. And then I would probably do something stupid like punch a wall and break my hand. This was far smarter and far safer.I will just sleep here and keep drinking beer until it stops hurting. I feel like I’ll probably be fine in, like, two to three years.
