Page 76 of Trusting You
Declan was impressed. “That is really fucking poetic.”
“I agree with Trent,” Callum mused. “But first, you have to get your head out of your ass and deal with whatever your problem is.”
He took a long sip of beer and pressed on. “So she applied for a job? What’s wrong with that? She is an accomplished woman with goals and dreams, so why shouldn’t she be out there interviewing? It has nothing to do with her feelings for you or your relationship.”
I stared at him. That wasn’t how I saw it. When she told me about the interview, it felt like she was trying to run away from the brewery, from me, from us. I panicked. I had spent weeks coming to the realization that I had fallen in love with her and then all of a sudden she was running off to some shiny new life.
“Yeah, man. And she didn’t interview in New York,” Trent reminded me.
Declan seemed confused. “So what’s the problem if she works in Boston? Fabio over here goes to Boston a few days a week,”—he gestured to Callum with his beer—“and we deliver to restaurants there every day. She’s not leaving you. It’s just a job and a crappy commute.”
Trent shook his head. “It sounds like she was trying to stay local for you. Wasn’t she supposed to go back to her apartment in New York soon? Now she is trying to rebuild her life nearby. Did you even consider that?”
Declan snorted. “And not only did you act like an ass, you literally gave her a great reason not to.”
Shit, they were right. I didn’t even ask. I was too chickenshit to share my feelings and see if we were on the same page. What if she was interested in this job so she could stay in Massachusetts and be with me? She was probably going to move back to New York now.
Was I pushing her away because I was afraid? Afraid that she didn’t want me as much as I wanted her?
“Talk to her. Tell her. Don’t be such a baby.”
I knew Callum was right, but it felt impossible. “I’m a man. And a Quinn. It’s so hard to talk about this stuff.”
He cut me off. “In a real relationship you have to. That’s what makes it last. It’s what makes it all worth it.” My normally calm brother seemed agitated and upset. I could see the hurt in his eyes. I knew we weren’t only talking about Cece right now.
As much as I hated to admit it, my brothers were right. That fear, the fear that she would know how I feel and leave anyway, was crushing me. I had to grow up, face my fears, and tell her everything. I had to show her how much I loved her and wanted to be with her. But I couldn’t talk to her, because she was ignoring all my texts and calls. I even sent roses to her mom’s house and got no response. I just wanted a chance to speak to her and tell her how I felt. I just needed a chance.
“You should call Nora.” Was Declan reading my mind?
“Why?” I asked. “She scares me.”
He nodded sagely. “She scares me too. But the word on the street is that Nora picked up drunk Cece at the Tipsy Whale this afternoon and then they were spotted at the diner together, crying and eating grilled cheese.”
Callum was incredulous. “How did you know that?”
“I know what’s up.”
“But you don’t speak to anyone or socialize.”
Declan shrugged. “I work with a bunch of gossipy guys who spend lonely days on boats. I hear things. I also heard Violet Thompson just got divorced and is living back on the family farm.” Declan gave Callum a pointed look. Callum ignored him and pretended to be fascinated by his phone. There was a story there, but despite all the sharing we were doing, I doubted I could drag it out of him.
While my brothers squabbled, I began to formulate a plan. I had to see Cece and talk to her. Tell her everything, lay my soul bare, and let her decide what she wanted. Because as badly as this hurt, not telling her would hurt so much more.
I wanted her. I wanted her forever. I wanted her in my brewery and in my home. I wanted to wake up next to her, drowning in that wild hair for the rest of my life. I wanted to build a business and a home and a family with her.
I wanted more. I wanted everything. I could see it—holidays and birthdays and warm nights snuggled up in front of the fireplace. Teaching our kids to sail and then disappearing below deck to make out like teenagers. I wanted it all.
But I had fucked up. I had pushed her away when she was at her most vulnerable. I knew she was tough, so how am I going to convince her to give me a second chance?
41
Cecelia
I wokeup hungover and depressed to the sound of my phone ringing. Who called this early? Whoever it was, I hated them and would never speak to them again. I was sober when I went to bed. What happened? Being in your thirties sucked. It was going to take me a week to recover from my whiskey adventure yesterday.
It was Nora calling. Of course it was Nora calling.
“Hello.”
