Page 20 of Finding You
“Yes it is. You go out and accomplish something every day. Today’s work can be quantified by my delicious dinner.” My work, on the other hand, was quantified in billable hours and how much money I could save my clients. Not exactly the same thing.
He cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable talking about himself. “So are you going to explain the dating app thing?”
“Don’t judge me,” I said, but deep down I was judging myself. But what was a type-A overachiever to do? Generally, once I set my mind to something, I was successful. So it seemed logical that if I just applied myself to dating and pursued it in a strategic and professional manner, I would find someone great. But after a few days I was ready to quit. It was simply not possible to apply strategy and professionalism to online dating. It was random, messed up, and completely not for me.
Dating usually felt impossible. Normal people with normal jobs and lives just didn’t get it. The work always came first. The deadlines, the clients, and the firm were the priorities. Nothing else mattered. Vacations, kids, birthdays, weddings, everything was secondary to the work.
I knew this was not normal. But this was my world. And it was filled with people who understood the rules. So dating had been tough. People outside the BigLaw world didn’t get it and wanted nothing to do with a jerk who canceled at the last minute and hadn’t taken a vacation in five years. And the people in my world? They were too busy to date or spend time getting to know someone. Hence my foray into dating apps.
“I would never judge you, Astrid. I’m just curious. You don’t seem like someone who would struggle to find dates.”
I almost spit my wine out at him. “That could not be further from the truth. I have never, in my entire thirty-two years on earth, had an easy time with guys.” Most of my life I had received little to no attention from the opposite sex. I wasn’t complaining. I didn’t have the time or the interest, but right now I needed to find a boyfriend, or at the very least a date. Because Max may have tried to destroy my career, but I wasn’t going to go down without a fight. I needed a date for that gala, and I wanted to roll up with someone handsome, accomplished, and hopefully a full foot taller than Max. That little prick could eat shit.
“Nope. Not buying it.”
“Oh, you sweet, dumb man. You don’t get it. Most of your species are not as highly evolved as you are.”
He stared at me, dumbstruck.
“I scare the shit out of most men. It’s not a bad thing—in fact I take great pride in it—but it makes it really hard to date.” I had been told I was “unapproachable” so many times. If one more prick told me to “smile more” I was going to move to an island and start a cat colony.
I smiled and sipped my wine. “Most guys are turned off by my height. And then those that aren’t are intimidated by my career.”
He nodded. “Some men are cowards.”
“You know, I love watching a man’s balls shrivel up when I tell him I’m a corporate lawyer. It is satisfying when people are exactly as shitty as you think they are.”
Declan smiled. “I need to see this. I would love nothing more than to watch you destroy a bunch of weak, insecure men.” He pinned me with an intense look, and I fought the urge to fan myself. A sexy man smoldering at me while also complimenting my ass-kicking skills. Be still my throbbing vagina!
Declan sat and thoughtfully sipped his beer. “I guess I can see that. You are intense, which I happen to appreciate in a woman. But I still think you are far away from resorting to dating apps.”
I shifted in my seat, debating how much about my current predicament to share. Could I trust him? Would he think I was such a dumbass? But, at this point, who else could I talk to? I didn’t have any friends and my mother certainly wasn’t a confidante. I had to take what I could get.
“There is a bit of backstory.”
He shifted in his chair. “Why am I not surprised? Lay it on me.”
“So the reason I am currently on dating apps is because I need a date for an upcoming event.”
“Okay.”
“And it’s more than just a wedding or a party.”
“What kind of event? An inauguration?” He smirked and I enjoyed how his eyes crinkled in the corners.
“No. It’s a ball. The annual Massachusetts Lawyers Association Charity Gala. It’s a black-tie fundraiser held in late March that is basically a who’s who of the legal elite. It’s the kind of thing I would normally try to get out of attending, but this year I am being given an award.”
“Seriously? That’s awesome.”
“Not quite. The team I worked on is getting the award. We set up a clinic at a local homeless shelter helping people with their debt issues. A lot of people have been the victim of predatory lending and are struggling with illegal or unethical debts. It holds a lot of folks back.”
“So you help them?”
“Yes. We help figure out what’s going on. Call the lenders, flex our legal muscles a bit, and sometimes reduce and sometimes outright knock out their debts. You would be surprised how many shady people prey on the vulnerable. And some folks have been the victims of identity theft and don’t even know how to fight it.” Setting up the clinic, training other lawyers in predatory debt prevention, and helping clients was one of the most satisfying things I had done in my career. It had taken two years, but we were up and running at several Boston-area shelters and had secured some huge wins for our clients. We had truly improved people’s lives.
“So you are not just a legal badass, you are a good person too. Noted.” He took another sip of beer and gestured for me to go on.
“So I was recently fired from my law firm. And under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t dream of going. But I have an axe to grind with a partner who set me up after I wouldn't sleep with him.” I paused, embarrassed to have to be telling this story out loud.
