Page 33 of Finding You
The gasp at the other end of the phone was no surprise. I could imagine her choking on her fancy tea in her chambers.
She was still silent.
“I politely turned down his advances on several occasions. And instead of acting like a gentleman, he kicked me off his cases and bad-mouthed me to the other partners. I spent six months doing grunt work to try and get back in their good graces, but you know as well as I do what happens once the rumors about your commitment start.”
“How could this happen? Astrid, did you speak to HR?”
“I spoke to a few trusted people, and they told me that it would hurt my career more than it would hurt his to speak out. And at the time, I thought it was water under the bridge. I didn’t know he was trying to get me fired.”
“Men.” I heard her exhale loudly. As difficult as my mother was, I could trust her hatred of the patriarchy, so at least we had that in common.
“So they fired you?”
“No. First that asshole gave me a terrible review and blamed me for a huge mistake that was made on a key merger.”
“It’s pretext. That’s what it is.”
“So when the managing partner sat me down to try and fire me, I gently pushed back as these accusations were new to me. He then accused me of being too ‘emotional.’”
“I am proud of you for standing up for yourself.” Wow. I hadn’t seen that coming. “But you need to make a plan. What are you doing to find a new position?”
“I can’t do anything right now. They have to do an investigation. The firm is facing malpractice suits and clients are panicking.”
“But surely they will give you a recommendation?”
“No. I refused to sign the liability waiver. So no severance and no recommendation.”
“What? Astrid, what were you thinking? You need to get a new job as soon as possible. You know lawyers cannot have résumé gaps. It makes you look… flighty and unreliable.”
“Mom, what they did was illegal. I have rights, and I'm not going to sign them away.”
My mother let out a loud sigh. “Astrid, I am aware that you have rights. I have devoted my life to upholding those rights. But we both know that there are dire consequences for exercising those rights.”
She wasn't wrong. If I sued a prior employer, no other law firm would ever touch me. I would be persona non grata in the legal community. Lawyers were expected to advocate on behalf of paying clients, but never for themselves.
“This is a terrible situation and one I wished you would never experience. But you’ve got to dust yourself off and find a new job. Keep working and keep succeeding. That’s how you fight sexism.”
“Mom, I disagree. Yes, if I do nothing and keep quiet then I save my own career. But what about all the other women? What about those who will come after me? I doubt I was the first woman Max Shapiro sexually harassed, and I won't be the last. If the firm is covering for him and creating a hostile work environment, then they should be held accountable.”
My mom was quiet on the other end of the phone. She hated making a fuss. Despite being a judge, she would never recommend taking legal action. It would wreck my reputation as well as hers. “Astrid, I say this as both your mother and a woman who clawed her way to the top in a man’s world. I admire your desire to fight the good fight, but it will hurt you personally. And you’ve worked so hard and have so much potential. At least consider signing the waiver and moving on with your life?”
I felt the fire within me extinguish slightly. My mother had a way of taking the wind out of my sails. “I will consider it, Mother.”
“So what have you been doing?” she asked, changing topics. “Reading industry publications and journals? Taking continuing legal education courses?”
“No, Mother, I’ve been exercising and making friends and reading romance novels.”
I could hear her eye roll through the phone. “You can use this time productively. Even if you insist on waiting this out.”
I felt like a small child again, always falling short in her eyes. “I don’t know that I can ever get back to where I was. I don’t think I can rebuild what I lost.” I didn't often make myself vulnerable to anyone, especially my mother, but I was feeling so lost.
“You know as a judge I can’t call in favors or advocate on your behalf. But I can send you some firms that may be a good fit for your skill set. Starting over in a new firm will be tough, and you will have to prove yourself one hundred ten percent every day. But you will get back on the partner track. You are smart, motivated, and above all else, you are a Wentworth.”
* * *
I sat on Emily’s deck, clutching a hot mug of coffee as we watched her three kids run around the backyard with their dog. Emily, clad in pajamas, day-old eyeliner, and a pink pom-pom hat looked at me quizzically.
“What is going on with you?”
