Page 40 of Finding You
There was a part of me that felt ashamed. I was thirty-five years old, for God’s sake. Old enough to know better than to fake a relationship and lie to the people I loved. But I felt trapped and defensive, and this situation presented a clean, easy way out. I had never been one to take the easy way out. My parents certainly never allowed it, and the navy beat those impulses out of me. So why now?
Astrid. She was truly unlike any woman I had ever met in my life. I was an introvert—being with people exhausted me and I looked forward to my solitude to recharge. But it wasn’t like that with Astrid. If anything she energized me with her brains, her beauty, and her take-no-shit attitude.
It had been years since I had felt this way about a woman. My desire to be near her and learn more about her scared me. I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to get hurt. So her rules, which in typical Astrid fashion were very clear, succinct, and comprehensive, were a good thing. I wouldn’t get any ideas. I already had a lot of ideas, but nothing I would act on.
Because there was no way a girl like Astrid would be interested in me. We had nothing in common. Her world was one of skyscrapers and multi-billion-dollar deals. She lived a completely different lifestyle than I did. There was no chance of a real relationship. She was committed to getting her career and her life back. And as her friend, I wanted to help her.
As Astrid and I hiked back to my truck, I got more and more angry with how she reacted to meeting Lucas Kim. She acted like he was a celebrity, which I guess he was. I never cared much about that stuff, and Luke was a really fun guy, but seeing her lose her cool over him? It punched me in the gut. Because it reaffirmed what I already knew. She was way out of my league. I would only bring her down. No matter how confused I felt at the moment, we would never be real. The raw jealousy pumped in my veins, and I was overcome with nervous energy.
Astrid lagged behind as I climbed the muddy hill up to the back parking lot. It was dark and late and cold, but I wanted to get in my truck and get home. I turned around to see what was taking her so long.
“Are you okay, slowpoke?”
“I’m fine.”
“Because I want to get home before sunrise.” Even though it was dark, I could see the fire in her eyes. She stopped walking and put her hands on her hips.
“What is your problem, Declan?”
“I don’t have a problem. I just want to go home.”
“Bullshit. We were having an amazing night and then you started acting angry and weird the minute I began talking to Lucas Kim.”
I strode over to where she stood, immobile in the snow and mud. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Stop it, Declan.”
“Listen. I get it. He’s a handsome rich guy. Do you want to fake break up with me so you can go after him? It’s fine. Just tell me the truth.”
A scary calm settled over Astrid’s features. Her mouth was a hard line, and her eyes bore through my skull, but she was controlled, impassive. “Declan Quinn, are you jealous? Because you have no reason to be. You are my fake boyfriend, so you don’t get to be cranky if I am interested in someone.”
I exhaled, not realizing I had been holding my breath. She was right. I was an asshole. She deserved someone like him. I couldn’t compete with that.
She walked closer to me and put her hand on my chest. “But it doesn’t matter because I do not want to date him. He seems like a cool guy who is very interesting to talk to, but I am not attracted to him. I am committed to you, my fake boyfriend, and no one could ever get between us.” She moved closer until our bodies were almost touching.
She looked up at me with that cool, intense gaze, and I felt something in my chest loosen. Why was I getting jealous? I couldn’t catch feelings for Astrid. I couldn’t flip out every time she had a conversation with another man. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, finally realized how idiotic I was being.
She tapped me on the chest. “Apology accepted. Can we go home now?”
“Yes,” I replied, and offered her my arm.
“I’m sorry I am walking so slow, but these new boots have chewed up my feet and they are frozen and bloody right now.” I looked down at her trendy snow boots and laughed. Yup, that sounded about right. Before I could talk myself out of it, I had slung her over my shoulder and was fireman carrying her up the hill to my truck. She put up a little bit of a fight, but I was much too distracted by the round supple ass in my line of sight. Goddamn, I loved these leggings. I wanted to spank this ass and bite it and…stop, you perv. She is a friend and you are helping her. Don’t make it sexual. Too late. My dick had not gotten the message and was ready to party in my jeans.
When we reached my truck, I walked over to the passenger side door and let her down. She slid down the front of my body, and my skin caught fire beneath my winter layers. When her feet hit the ground, she leaned back against the door. I placed my arm on the door frame, caging her between me and the truck. I tried to will my heart to stop racing.
“Tonight went well,” I said, attempting to be casual.
“Yes. I agree.”
“You are the best fake girlfriend I’ve ever had.”
“You are the only fake boyfriend I’ve ever had.”
I smiled. She sighed and looked up at me. I couldn’t read her. I had no idea what she was thinking. But my own brain was screaming “kiss her,” and I could think of nothing else. I stared at her plump pink lips, trying to remember why this was such a bad idea. Her green eyes were hooded with lust, and she was breathing heavily. I wanted to fight it. This urge to take her, to claim her, to make her mine was overwhelming. And I knew I would have to fight it eventually. But at that moment, standing in a frozen corn field in the middle of January, I couldn’t fight it. So I gave in.
I gently cupped her face and kissed her. I wanted to be gentle, I wanted to be careful, but one taste of her luscious mouth and I lost every shred of self-control I had.
For someone so cool, so impassive, Astrid kissed with fiery passion. What started out as sweet and gentle escalated very quickly. A small moan escaped from her lips as she pushed up on her toes and wrapped her arms around my neck. We were devouring one another, possessed by some strange passion. She tasted like beer and smelled like a campfire, and I was so turned on at that moment, I knew I could make some very bad decisions.
