Page 53 of Finding You
“Declan?” I repeated, turning around to see where he was.
He stood there staring at me. No, not staring, ogling me.
“What?” I asked, annoyed with him.
He tilted his head. “You. Your dress. You look…”
I raised an eyebrow.
He coughed and recovered his composure. “You look beautiful, Astrid.”
I smiled. Was it wrong that I enjoyed having the power to make him speechless? “You clean up pretty well yourself.” I smoothed the lapels on his charcoal suit and admired how good he looked. I had never pictured Declan in a suit before. It seemed totally antithetical to his personality, but it looked like it was made for him. He wore a crisp white shirt with no tie, and his beard was neatly trimmed. His hair was pulled back in its usual man bun, highlighting his strong jaw and full, sensual lips. Lips I was dying to kiss again.
After hanging up our coats, he offered me his arm. “Can I get you a drink?”
“Yes, please,” I replied, looping my arm through his.
The party was in full swing, with people milling around everywhere. We found Cece and Liam by the bar. Cece looked luminous, and Liam could not take his eyes off her. They were so in love it radiated off them in waves. Every few minutes, Liam would brush a curl out of Cece’s face or stealthily grab her ass when it seemed like no one was watching. They were purely and unabashedly in love, and I found myself feeling strangely sad. Not because I was jealous, but because I had never even considered that what they had found together could be possible for me. I had never stopped working long enough to picture what my life would be like with a soulmate. I just assumed I would stay single or marry another distracted lawyer someday. I didn’t even consider this type of world-altering love.
To be fair, it’s not like I had seen it many times. My parents could barely stand each other, and I didn’t have many other relationship role models. Marriage always seemed to me like a practical choice you made after careful consideration and planning.
But with Liam and Cece, it was like they couldn’tnotbe married to each other. They couldn’t wait another minute to join their lives forever. And instead of being nauseated, it filled me with a warm, happy feeling.
Declan put his arm around my waist, and I rested my head on his shoulder. Was that kind of love even possible for me?
20
DECLAN
Astrid was clearly impressedby the brewery, and it filled me with pride. Although I would never, under any circumstances, say it out loud, I was really proud of my little brother. Liam had achieved so much, and was only able to do so by opening himself up to Cece. I supposed there was a lesson there, but I was studiously avoiding feelings and life lessons at the moment. I had to stay focused. Astrid was my fake girlfriend, and we were attending this event together. I was going to be an attentive and engaging fake boyfriend and that was it. I couldn’t go breaking the rule again. Things had been awkward enough since the Christmas Tree Burn.
But that dress. Did she have to wear that dress? It felt like she was messing with me. First of all, it was the last thing I ever thought she would wear. Sparkly and short? Didn’t seem like her, but seeing it on her body I couldn’t imagine her in anything else. On anyone else it would be flashy, but on Astrid it was classy and subdued. She moved with such confidence and grace, it was such a turn-on.
“So they really fell in love while fighting about this place?”
“Pretty much,” I said. “Once Liam realized how much smarter Cece was, he started listening to her, and they really took this place to the next level. Six months ago he thought he may have to close, and now business is booming, they are renovating and expanding, and we’re starting a distribution company together.”
She squeezed my arm. “That is so incredible. Cece is pretty awesome. I can see how she would be able to make all that happen.”
“It just used to be so different. But Cece showed up with new ideas and she even got the whole town involved. She harnessed the power of all the locals—people donated their time, their expertise, and a ton of landscaping. Even on a shoestring budget, she managed to fix this place up quite a bit.”
All of a sudden Astrid’s body tensed, and she grabbed my hand. “There are so many people here. Think we can really convince them?” She looked nervous and I wanted to take her into my arms. Instead, I leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “We’re gonna knock em dead, killer.”
* * *
As the night wore on I realized I was having fun. And I had stayed way longer than the usual hour I gave myself at social functions. We drank and ate. Astrid and I even squared off on the vintage pinball machine. We chatted with my brothers, my parents, and a variety of people from town.
“Stop trying to lead,” I said, trying to wrestle back control of this dance.
“You know I don’t take orders,” she pouted, unwilling to follow me. I thought about if that extended to the bedroom, and it was hot.Imagine if she was as defiant in bed as she was out of it… Stop. Stop. Fake girlfriend. It’s fake.There had been several moments tonight when I had to keep reminding myself of just how fake this was, because things were starting to feel far too real.
We continued to attempt to dance, and I could feel her getting the hang of it. When she finally gave in to me, I felt the tension in her body disappear. As we danced to Stevie Wonder, I whispered in her ear. “See, sometimes it’s fun to let someone else be in charge.”
She gave me a sly smile that said thousands of filthy things. Or at least that’s what I imagined. She may have been smiling because I had food in my teeth, hell if I knew.
I liked her way too much. I had spent most of my adult life focused on my job, my family, and self-preservation. I was not used to these runaway feelings, these urges that I had when it came to Astrid. I was a mess, and tonight was only making it worse.
I had to do something. I had to mentally put some distance between us. And I couldn’t live with the awkwardness anymore. Especially because she felt so good in my arms.
