Page 54 of Finding You
I looked down at my shoes. I was such a coward. “I want to apologize.”
She looked concerned. “For what?”
“For kissing you last weekend.” I took a breath. I hated talking about this shit. “I don’t want to mess up our friendship.”
Her face was blank. I couldn’t get a read on her. She was totally lawyering me right now. “Declan. I don’t want to screw things up either.”
I exhaled. “Okay.”
“I mean,” she said, playing with my hair at the base of my neck, “I liked it. But I know it can’t happen again.”
I nodded. This was not going the way I had planned. I thought talking about it would extinguish the heat between us, but now my collar was getting tight, and I had the urge to run out into the parking lot.
“I can’t give you more, Declan.”
“I understand.” Actually, I didn’t understand. I wanted to pick apart her lawyer logic and then kiss her senseless. But I knew that this was not a battle I could win. And I lacked the ability to verbalize any of the things I was feeling at the moment.
She nodded and rested her head on my shoulder while we swayed gently to the music. Meanwhile, I worked on ignoring my nausea and convincing myself that we could be just friends.
I was at the bar getting a beer when Callum slid right up next to me. “You know, Trent is going to start a betting pool on you guys next. The odds are that you’re engaged in six months.”
I turned slowly toward my brother, who was clearly really enjoying this.
I glared at him. “Fuck off, Cal,” I replied through clenched teeth.
Callum smiled and looked over to where Astrid was chatting with some of her girlfriends. He shook his head. “You are in denial, man.”
“And you are a prick, Fabio.”
* * *
Of course Luke Kim was here, looking cover-model handsome as usual. He was out and about but seemed distracted by Nora. I couldn’t blame him. Nora was pretty. She didn’t hold a candle to my Astrid, of course, but any red-blooded man would be distracted by her.
My Astrid?My stupid brain was playing with me again. I couldn’t go down this road. I couldn’t get attached. I had already caught feelings, and I had to keep them from developing any further. I knew it would be hard when she left. I would lose a friend, a confidante, and a person who really got me. But if things developed into more? I would be lost.
“I didn’t know you were from Havenport?” Astrid asked politely. I didn’t like how she spoke to him, like he was royalty or something.
“I’m not. I grew up a few towns over. I used to come here as a kid and fell in love with it. I promised myself when I grew up and made it I would move here,” he replied. Why are his teeth so straight and perfect? Bastard.
“That’s so sweet.”
“And now, after selling my company, I’m doing some work here and there but I’m mostly just taking a break and volunteering. I am on the board of the shelter in town. It really means a lot to me.”
“That’s fantastic,” she replied.
“Actually,” I said, jumping into the conversation, “Astrid does a lot of pro bono work. She is even getting an award in a few weeks.” I was playing the part of proud boyfriend and it was surprisingly easy.
“That’s fantastic,” Luke replied. “Congrats. What kind of pro bono?”
I zoned out for a bit while Astrid told Luke all about her debt clinic. The brewery was packed. My parents were at the bar. I couldn’t quite tell, but it looked like my mother was taking my father’s beer away from him.
“That is fantastic. I can’t believe I met you. I am actually trying to set up a legal clinic at the shelter,” Luke said, grabbing his phone.
“Really?” Astrid seemed excited.
“There are a lot of legal hurdles for many of these families to deal with in order to get back on their feet. We have legal staff that help with the family law stuff, protective orders, divorce, child custody, that type of thing. But we’re finding more and more that our residents need other legal assistance—housing, immigration, debt collection, bankruptcy, employment issues, government benefits.”
“Yes. That makes a lot of sense. Legal problems don’t exist in a vacuum. Usually people have several different things going on.”
