Page 63 of Finding You
“Gross,” Cece said. “So people stuck weird shit up their assholes?”
“So much weird shit. I think that’s why he didn’t go into that specialty,” she mused.
“Good man. I also try to avoid butt stuff when I can.”
“Don’t we all, ladies?”
“Hey, don’t knock it till you try it!”
“Oh, Emily,” we all groaned.
* * *
After two mimosas, three cups of black coffee, and a massive plate of corned beef hash, I was relaxed, happy, and having a blast with my new friends. They were all so different, but they supported and loved each other fiercely. I felt proud that they had invited me into their circle.
“So what about you, Astrid?” Emily asked. “Do you want kids?”
I would normally not get into this line of questioning, but I had been buttered up with alcohol and delicious breakfast food and discussions of shower sex and butt stuff. “I do,” I said, matter-of-factly. “But not for at least another five or six years.”
Emily looked at me. “Sweetie you’re almost thirty-three. If you want them, you should probably at least think about it before then.”
“Oh,” I said, “I froze my eggs when I was twenty-eight.” I shrugged. It was expensive, and the hormones made me a bit crazy, but it was worth it not to have to stress about my dwindling fertility along with my billable hours.
“Why?” Cece asked.
“Everyone does it.”
“Do they really?”
“Everyone in my world. All the women at my firm go to the same clinic. It’s practically required.” When we showed up as fresh law school grads they implied we would be working so hard for the next fifteen years that we would never have time to actually make a baby the old-fashioned way, so it was best to rely on science to help.
“A partner just had a healthy baby last year at forty-seven.”
“Do you want to have a baby at forty-seven?”
“I’m thirty-three and I am so exhausted I can barely function. I can’t imagine sleepless nights and potty training when I’m pushing fifty,” Emily said. And she was clearly telling the truth, as her dark under-eye circles and messy hair did not lie.
I hadn’t really thought about it before. I guess I just compartmentalized so well I never stopped to think about it. I did the responsible thing. I planned ahead so when the time came I could do it, even if I was super old. But part of me also figured the odds were not great that I would ever be a mother.
Why? Because there simply wasn’t time in my life. Not for meeting a guy and building the requisite relationship necessary to procreate with someone. And frankly I didn’t want to devote the time.
Maggie looked at me kindly. “It’s worth it. I get it. I have a busy career too. And although my marriage is shit now, I have never regretted having my kids. I had my daughter really young, which completely destroyed my plan to go to medical school. But she is worth it. Being a mother changed me and transformed me and has enriched my life in so many unexpected ways.”
She wiped a tear away from her cheek. Nora put her arms around her and squeezed. “We love you, sweetie.”
“Thanks. I love you guys too,” she said.
Cece leaned over to me. “Maggie and her husband have been separated for a few months.”
I nodded. “I’m so sorry.”
Maggie snapped back to her normal self. “Don’t be. Life is too short to be in a bad marriage.”
She forced herself to smile. “And seeing my sister so wildly and passionately in love made me realize that I deserve that too. So maybe someday I’ll find it.” Cece blushed, and I saw that sisterly bond in the way they looked at one another. I had spent most of my life yearning for a sibling. I figured that when I hit adulthood, being an only child wouldn’t bother me anymore. If anything it was worse. Adult life was lonely and isolating and I wished I had siblings to share it with.
“I’ll drink to that,” Nora said.
We all raised our mimosas and coffee cups. “To wild passionate love.”
