Page 92 of Finding You
“But there is nothing I can do. She has to go back to her career in Boston. It would have never worked out between us.”
“What did she say?”
“She didn’t say anything.”
“I’m not following.”
“I told her that she should go back to the firm and that we had to break up because I would only hold her back. That she should go forward and kick ass and do great things with her life.”
“So you told her what to do?” Cal looked exasperated.
“Dude… never tell a woman what to do. EVER,” Liam shouted.
“Are you crazy?” Cal said, running his hand through his hair. “You’re lucky she let you live.”
I just sat there and took it, knowing that they were right. I had overreacted and projected my issues all over Astrid. I didn’t even stop to listen to what she wanted.
“So, let me get this straight. You told the woman you’re in love with, who had been violently assaulted weeks before, that you were breaking up with her for her own good and gave her no say in the matter?”
I nodded. Hearing it out loud made me feel even shittier.
I held my hands up in surrender. “It’s for the best, guys.”
“How? Did you ask her what she thought? What she wanted? She told you she loved you. And you decided for her that she can’t be a lawyer and be in a relationship with you?” Callum was so logical and loved being right. I could tell he was enjoying rubbing salt all over my wounds.
“I take it back,” Liam said. “You can’t grovel, you can’t apologize. You’re not coming back from that.”
“Thanks a lot, asshole.”
“Stop,” Callum said. We both looked at him as he paced around the bar. “It’s not over. Declan screwed up, but he can fix it. We are Quinns. We don’t give up when things get hard.”
I tried to protest but he silenced me with a look.
“Our ancestors were starving to death and got on a boat in the hopes of a better life. We come from hearty stock, boys. We just have to put our heads together and figure something out.”
“She hasn’t returned any of my texts. I’ve tried to apologize. I’ve tried to reach out.”
“Let me see if I can get some intel out of Cece,” Liam said hopefully. “I can find out if she went back to her firm and if you have any shot at getting her back.”
“Good thinking,” Cal said, pointing at Liam. “I’ll ask around. There has got to be some info floating around. Emily is family—she will know something. And I see Derek at the gym all the time. We will figure this out.”
“But,” Callum continued, gesturing at me, “you need to get it together. And in the meantime, you need to make peace with Dad. You need to realize that you are good enough. You deserve good things. You should take over the business and you should get Astrid back. But sitting here being depressed isn’t going to accomplish anything.”
He wasn’t wrong. But I didn’t want to give myself any false hope. I had a good life. I always believed that I had everything I needed. I couldn’t let my heart hope for more.
But was it enough, having my business, my home, and my dog? It wasn’t a bad life, that was for sure. But could I do better? Could I get out of my comfort zone and stretch myself? Reach for a brighter, messier, future filled with love and fun and family? I wanted to. But part of me wanted to just stay in my comfy rut and live here forever.
37
ASTRID
I startedto briefly hyperventilate when I walked through security up to the elevator banks. I wasn’t officially back yet. I was here to meet with HR and discuss my return to work.
Still, I was dressed in one of my trusty black suits, which was feeling a bit snug. I had definitely packed on some muscle from all the Krav Maga and eating I had done in Havenport. I’d enjoy my strength while it lasted, since I’m sure I’d be back to skipping meals and pulling all-nighters in no time.
I got on the elevator with a litigation partner I recognized. She was typing furiously on her iPhone and didn’t even look up when I walked in. I pressed the button and stood in the back, observing her hunched posture and flying fingers. There was a time I felt compelled to check my phone every minute of the day. Now it was in my purse, and my fingers didn’t itch to email anymore. It was a weird sensation, but a welcome one.
The HR meeting took a few hours. They had a lot of questions about Max Shapiro and my work for him on the failed merger. Several people, including John Waterson, came in to say hello and welcome me back. Just being back in this building was making me twitchy.
