Page 93 of Finding You
“Can you excuse me? I need to use the ladies’ room,” I asked brightly, desperate to get out of the room.
After vomiting in the bathroom, I decided to call it a day and head home. I was supposed to give HR my return date by the end of the week, but I didn’t think I could do it. Being in the building made me physically ill. I saw all the associates peering out their office doors to get a look at me, the disgraced former associate who got welcomed back after being assaulted by a partner. I didn’t want their whispers, and I didn’t want their pity. All I wanted was to get out of there as quickly as possible.
I couldn’t go back. I knew it in my bones. But saying goodbye to a huge part of my life was daunting. This was all I had ever known. But I couldn’t deny how much better I felt physically and emotionally since leaving that high-rise. I couldn’t deny that I had expanded my horizons and learned more about myself. I couldn’t deny that I had fallen in love.
I had spent decades doing exactly what I was supposed to, being the perfect daughter, student, employee. But it was time to start being myself. I convinced myself I was quiet and subdued, cool and calm at all times—but that was just an act. I had finally begun to let my rage out and it felt good. I liked bright clothes and loud music and delicious food. I was passionate and emotional. Not some ice queen who never got upset, no matter how poorly she was treated.
But those days were over. I was a new person, and I couldn’t go back to my old life. Just like my suits, it didn’t really fit anymore. I could still force it on myself, but it wasn’t right and I knew it.
* * *
“Open up, Astrid. We know you’re in there.” The familiar voice roused me off my couch.
It was nine a.m. on a Monday morning. What was Nora doing here?
I padded over to the door of my apartment and looked out my peep hole. I saw Nora and Emily. How did they find me?
I opened the door and Nora barged in.
“Thanks a lot for not responding to our texts!”
Emily was right behind her, holding Jacob, and Maggie and Cece were in the rear holding grocery bags.
“What is happening?” I asked, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.
“You didn’t show up to Monday breakfast last week. So we are bringing Monday breakfast to you. We never leave a coven member behind,” Nora explained slowly.
Emily gave me a half hug. “And Jacob has an ear infection so he couldn’t go to preschool today. But don’t worry. I brought an iPad.” At the mention of his favorite electronic, Jacob lifted his head off his mom’s shoulder. “iPad?” She handed him her massive purse and told him to sit down.
“You guys didn’t have to come all the way out here,” I insisted.
Maggie walked slowly around my apartment. “Judging by the condition of this place, I think we did,” she said kindly.
Emily gave me a pitying look. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think my kids had been here.” Her eyes traveled from the pile of dirty dishes and take-out containers in the sink to the laundry strewn all over the place.
I’ll admit, my apartment was not in the best condition. But to be fair, I barely lived here and I was going through some things right now.
“I thought there was no judgment at Monday breakfast?” I snapped back.
Nora threw an arm around my shoulder. “Of course not, babe. We’re not judging. We’ve all had our moments. But we’re here now. And we’ve got your back.”
It warmed my heart to know these women drove over an hour in rush hour traffic to see me, even if I was a tad bit embarrassed at my current state.
Cece was unpacking groceries. “Nora, you’re leader. What are we doing first?”
“Cecelia darling, you know I prefer the term ‘high priestess’ but you’re right. Troops, first thing is we are getting this one in the shower. Cece, you’re on brunch duty. Emily, you are bartending. And Maggie, you are on cleanup.”
“Already on it,” Maggie shouted, her arms full of dirty laundry. Emily had told me she was a compulsive clean freak, but she hadn’t been here two minutes and she was already tidying up.
“You,” Nora said, gesturing to me. “When was the last time you showered?”
I shrugged. It was Monday, so maybe Friday? But I wasn’t sure. The last week had been a total blur. Rather than admit that out loud, I decided to just head straight to the bathroom.
I turned on the harsh fluorescent lights and stared at myself in the mirror. I looked terrible. My skin was sallow, and I had dark circles under my eyes. My hair was limp and greasy and I had the beginnings of a massive breakout on my jawline. It had been eight days since I last saw Declan, and I was suffering. I missed him. I missed Ginger. I missed my little cottage.
I hated this apartment. I hated this city. I hated everything.
I took a long, scalding hot shower, washing my hair twice for good measure and shaving my legs. I walked into my bedroom to find a new outfit spread on my bed, clearly courtesy of Nora. I pulled on the buttery soft joggers and T-shirt and padded out to the living room.
