Page 116 of Wood Riddance
“He can have dad. Evil fucker.”
“Finn! Don’t you think it’s time to get past all your anger at your father? You’re on the precipice of an incredible fresh start. Why drag all that baggage with you?”
Trust my mom to really hit the nail on the head.
“It’s easy to say that he’s evil and unredeemable. But that’s not the whole story, is it? Like the rest of us, he’s a multifaceted, flawed human.”
“You’re talking like you forgive him, Mom. What he’s done is unforgivable.”
She sighed and pushed her hair behind her ears. “I have not forgiven his recent actions, and maybe I never will. I’ll leave that up to the justice system. But what happened between us all those years ago? I’ve moved beyond it.”
“How? He cheated on you and humiliated you and walked out on his family.” My skin prickled, and anger coursed through my veins at the thought of how terribly he’d treated her. Shit. I’d started off looking for a way to work off my anxiety, but here I was adding to it. What had started as a quick, pleasant visit had very quickly gone too deep.
“I forgave him for me. Not for him. I held on to so much anger and shame for too many years. It weighed me down. Kept me from moving forward and creating the life of my dreams. Forgiveness is for you, not for the person who wronged you. You can hate what he did. You can hate the pain he caused so many people. But I promise, if you let it go and stop carrying it with you, you’ll feel so much better.”
“I don’t know if I can do that.”
“My sweet boy. Of course you can. You have such a caring, empathetic heart. You are capable of anything you set your mind to. You are such a wonderful father, and you have the deepest sense of honor. You’ve always been willing to make sacrifices for the things you love. First for this country, and now for Alicia and Merry.”
Her words hit me hard. What if I did let it all go? The betrayal, the hurt, the embarrassment of my dad leaving us and creating a shiny new life with Tammi and Cole. The pain his judgment and cruelty and lies caused us as kids. Was it even possible to do so?
For so long, I’d been asking Adele to move beyond my dad’s actions. But maybe I had to do it first.
“You deserve to be happy.”
“I’m not sure I can be happy here. There’s a good chance the people here will never forget what Dad did.”
“They might not.” She gave me a sad smile. “But you can move beyond it. Create a wild and wonderful life filled with joy and love. If you do that? I think you’ll find that your father and all his bad deeds won’t matter.”
Feeling heavier than I had when I left for my run, I hugged her goodbye and started home. As I jogged the long way around town, I worked through all she’d told me, trying to make sense of it and my own feelings on the matter. By the time I hoofed it up the steps to my apartment, I knew. She was right. I’d been carrying a lot of baggage around.
Now, though, I had been given a fresh start. The possibility of building my dream business was within reach, and I was already headed toward creating a family with the love of my life.
Maybe it was time to let it all go.
Chapter39
Adele
Iwas crying. In public.
A first for me. But these days, I cried all the time, so at least this was a worthy occasion.
The whole day had been so damn beautiful. I sat in the back, unsure of how to manage the emotions of this big day and wanting to hide from the scrutiny of my brothers and my mother.
They were becoming a family. Alice, Henri, Goldie, and Tucker. Two years ago, these people didn’t know one another. And today? They were legally a unit, a team. Forever.
The entire family had driven to Bangor for the finalization hearing. Two years after Tucker and Goldie had been placed in Alice’s care, she and Henri were now officially and irrevocably their parents. They’d become our family the instant Alice picked them up from the police station after they’d been removed from their previous foster home, but until today, there had always been some worry, some anxiety, that it wouldn’t be forever.
And now it was.
A few rows ahead of me, my mother openly sobbed as the cranky old judge rambled through the legalese. Henri, Alice, Tucker, and Goldie stood in front of the bench, dressed to the nines. Tucker looked so grown up and handsome in his blue suit. He kept fiddling with his tie, no doubt counting down the minutes until he could take it off. He had shot up overnight and was already taller than Alice.
Henri stood next to him, his arm around his shoulders, wearing a smile bigger than any I’d ever seen from my oldest brother. The closed-off, grumpy lumberjack had finally achieved the thing he’d always wanted most. A family.
Goldie’s blond hair was carefully braided, and she was twisting her fingers in the hem of her puffy purple dress, looking up at Alice every minute or two for reassurance.
This dusty old courtroom, with its wood molding and rows of portraits of intimidating old men in robes, had never seen a crowd like this. My entire family, as well as Alice’s sisters and parents from Massachusetts and probably half of Lovewell, were in attendance. Bernice and Louie, Becca from the salon, the Smiths from the market, most of the faculty and staff at Alice’s school, and Father Renee. Everyone was here to share in this joy.
