Page 120 of Caught in the Axe
“Is Debbie here?” I asked, keeping my tone light. Her home was lovely, meticulously clean, and very cozy, with photos of all six boys arranged in an artfully framed collage above the fireplace.
“She’s at work. Have a seat.”
“Brought you something,” I said, handing him the latte.
He took it, and for the first time, smiled. Immediately, he took a sip, just like I knew he would. Cole loved a sweet coffee drink. “That’s good.”
“The new place. You’ve gotta go. The coffee is great and the people who own it are lovely. Everything’s local. Exactly the kind of spot we need up here.”
He made a noncommittal noise and took another sip. I rarely saw him around town. He’d been going to physical therapy for his hip injury, but outside of that, did he just spend all his time here?
I surveyed him from head to toe. He’d changed so much. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Low energy, maybe? Or was he just defeated?
Cole had always had a big personality. Not loud, but commanding. He was so tall and broad, with a cocky self-confidence that hockey players always possessed in abundance. It made it hard to not be transfixed by him.
But the guy sitting across from me on the paisley couch with the dark circles under his eyes bore no resemblance to the ambitious, impulsive boy I’d fallen for almost a decade ago.
“Why are you here, Lila?”
I shifted as nerves prickled along my skin. It was time. I needed to be honest and up-front.
“I wanted to talk to you about a few things.”
“You gonna blame me for ruining our relationship? Tell me all the things I did wrong?”
The way his eyes narrowed reminded me of how cruel he could be sometimes. I had no intention of provoking him today. I had come here to tell him about Owen. Calmly and compassionately. Not because I required his approval, but because I wanted him to hear it from me rather than through the rumor mill. After eight years together, he deserved to process this information on his own time.
“No. I don’t blame you for anything. I wanted to share my good news. I got into graduate school.” I sat a little straighter and pressed my hands to my knees. “Several actually.”
“Good for you.”
He didn’t sound particularly happy, but I wouldn’t let him get to me.
“Thank you. I’ve worked hard for this,” I said. “I’m moving on. I got help to sort through my shit. I had to let go of my old dreams and embrace who I’ve grown into.”
“No shit.” He planted his elbows on his knees. “You gave up on our dreams a long time ago.”
I gritted my teeth. This was supposed to be a friendly visit. But his combativeness had anger welling up inside me and was bringing back so much of the hurt I’d left behind. At the way he’d ignored me and minimized my feelings. In the time since we’d broken up, I’d believed that one day we could be friends, but that fantasy was fading away quickly.
“Don’t go there, Cole. We didn’t have dreams together. You had dreams, and I was just there, hoping someday you’d wake up and support me the way I’d been supporting you.”
He launched to his feet and paced the living room. “You know how much pressure I was under!”
I stayed seated. I’d seen this reaction too many times to count.
“Every minute of my life was about one thing. Going pro. Getting the big contract. I’m sorry you feltneglected,” he said the word as if it was preposterous, “but I couldn’t lose focus.”
I shook my head. It was all the same old bullshit. “Oh, right,” I said sarcastically. “I forgot. Drinking and partying all night at strip clubs helped your focus.”
“Fuck off.” He tugged at his hair. “I was blowing off steam, and I never cheated on you.”
“None of this matters anymore,” I said as years of pent-up frustration simmered in my bloodstream. “We’re done. We’ve been done for a year and a half.”
“Don’t lie to yourself, Lila. You were done with me way before that.”
Maybe he was right. Who the hell knew anymore? And as much as it pained me not to jump in and defend myself, I wasn’t here to play the blame game. I’d moved on, and I’d worked hard to distance myself from the toxicity of the relationship we once had.
“I came here to make peace. To tell you I’ve moved on and am working on myself.”
