Page 124 of Caught in the Axe
Owen
Life at lumber camp was a lot harder than I expected. And busier. We were up loading trucks at four a.m., and Gus never stopped moving. If he wasn’t jumping in and out of machinery, then he was taking phone calls and directing people like an air traffic controller on speed.
As a kid, I did everything I could to avoid coming out here. By the time I was old enough to be helpful, I’d resented my father so much that I didn’t want anything to do with his business.
Now, I was getting the ass-kicking of a lifetime.
Gus and Jude had assembled a small crew, including Cole and me. Adele’s due date was in three days, so Finn had stayed home.
The ragtag crew included our remaining Hebert employees, a few guys who worked for other companies but had offered to help, and Mike, who had retired a few years ago but had jumped at the chance to get back outthere.
Day one was overwhelming, but we found our groove.
In my business, the only lumber I dealt with was what had been delivered to construction sites, and even then, it was mostly the paperwork and budgeting that went along with purchasing. Watching muddy trees being dragged out of the woods, knowing that they would go on to their next life as the frame of some family’s home, was mind-blowing.
I slept in the bunk room with the other guys, huddled up in a sleeping bag Gus had lent me. He had a small cabin on the property since he was the boss, but he chose to bunk with us too.
The trip felt a little like a strange version of summer camp, and despite my reservations, I found myself having fun.
Everyone gave each other endless shit, and I marveled at the rapport Gus and Jude had with the other guys. Gus was mostly grumpy and Jude was always quiet, but seeing them here, in their comfort zone, was incredible.
Especially Jude. He seemed to know what everyone needed and had us rolling with laughter.
“You gonna tell us about that girl, Jude?” Gus called across the kitchen. “You’re busting Chris’s balls for proposing to Erica on their second date, but I saw you on stage. You never looked away from her.”
Jude’s face turned pink, and he focused on his paper plate of mac ’n’ cheese. This was news. He was so secretive and reclusive, I’d assumed that he was celibate. Not that it was any of my business.
“And Finn said he followed her around the bar between sets,” Cole added. He elbowed Corey out of the way and satnext to Jude. “Must be one special girl. This guy never takes anyone home.”
Instead of responding, Jude got up from the table, threw his plate away, and grabbed his guitar case. Ignoring us, he started to tune, and soon the guys were making requests, and the topic had been forgotten.
While the rest of the guys played cards, I helped Mike with the dishes. I was already exhausted and knew we were in for a long day tomorrow, but spirits were high and, for the first time, I felt confident that we could really get things wrapped up and the company sold.
It was strange to realize that leaving didn’t seem as attractive as it once did. I was growing attached to Lovewell, and to my brothers, who I felt like I was still getting to know. And then there was Lila. Another person I’d be leaving.
I was helping Mike dry dishes when Cole tapped on my shoulder. His hands were in his pockets and he was staring at his boots. He seemed so different out here. He was wearing beaten-up Carhartts, a hoodie, and his medium-brown hair was overgrown and in his eyes. I was used to seeing him in a suit after hockey games or dressed in head-to-toe Under Armour. Like my dad, he’d always been vain about his appearance. This was jarring.
“Can we talk when you’re done?” he asked.
I nodded, drying the pot Mike had handed me, and then followed him out the back door.
He’d been strangely quiet since we’d arrived. Did everything that was asked of him, but barely spoke. Not that I was complaining. It was just out of character. But he’d shown up and was willing to pitch in, and that in itself was a surprise. So I’d hear him out.
We walked a few paces from the building, marveling at the sky above. This was darkness. True darkness. No artificial light for miles, and the stars looked almost close enough to touch.
“I wished I knew what they all were,” he said, still marveling at the sky up above. “I never cared a lot about school. Always assumed I was smart. But these days, I’m realizing more and more that the universe of stuff I don’t know is vast.”
“There’s still plenty of time,” I offered. “You’re young. As soon as we get the sale wrapped up, you’ll have some money, then you can do anything.”
He shook his head. “Probably not. I’m not like you. I’ve got nothing to offer. If I went to school, I’d just fuck it up.”
We stood for a few moments in silence, contemplating the sky. It was chilly, cold enough to see my breath, but I felt strangely comfortable out here.
“I need to apologize,” he said. “For so many things.”
I crossed my arms, nodding for him to go on.
“I’m not going to make excuses or try to explain myself because there is no excuse for all the shit I’ve pulled.”
