Page 30 of Caught in the Axe
Damn, the Gagnons were freakishly good athletes.
Finn clapped me on the shoulder. “Good job out there. You didn’t embarrass me.”
Biting back a whimper at the contact, I rolled my shoulders. “Tell that to my back. I may not be able to stand tomorrow.”
“Nah, you’ll recover. And we’ll get ’em next week.”
I huffed out a laugh at his ever-present positivity. “What’s the deal with the Gagnons?”
He tossed his backpack into the back of his truck. “First of all, they’re all madly in love. That’ll soften a guy up like nothing else can. Second, they’re good people. Why we spent all those years suspicious of them is a mystery.” He shook his head. “Actually, it’s not. We were trained to think that way. Regardless, they embraced me when they had no reason to. They’re good to each other. They’re protective of Adele, even if she hates it. And they’ve been nothing but kind and supportive of me. Even gave me a job.”
He wasn’t wrong. They conducted their business honestly and with integrity. From what my brothers had told me, they’d been thrown into a tailspin when they lost their father, as any family would, but they’d rallied around one another.
“Honestly, being part of their family has really changed the way I feel about this town and how I feel about myself.”
I kicked at the gravel beneath my feet. “You have a great support system.”
We did not have emotional conversations. Ever. We were Hebert men. We’d been conditioned to repress and then repress some more. But that had never been Finn’s style. As a kid, it had been something for our dad to criticize him about, but now he’d become even more open and honest, and he was damn happy with his life.
“I do.” He dipped his chin. “Alicia, Merry, Adele, and the whole Gagnon family. I’m working on Jude and Gus, but you know them. I spent so many years hating this place and hating Dad. It took a while after I came back, but eventually,I let it go. For Merry and for this new baby, but also for myself.”
Wiping the sweat still beaded on his brow, he headed for the porch, clearly not ready to leave me to collapse and die a slow, painful death. So I followed, dragging my feet up each step.
Finn sat in one of the Adirondack chairs and put his feet up on the porch rail. “This place is full of so much good if you’re willing to open your eyes and embrace it. You can fixate on all the awful shit and let yourself feel suffocated here. Or you can let it go and liberate yourself.”
A sardonic laugh escaped me as I dropped into the chair beside him. That was easy for him to say. Finn got along with everyone, no matter where he went. He had the kindest heart of all of us, yet he looked like an action movie star and had the kind of skill set that lent itself to backwoods living.
Some of uswouldsuffocate here. And while I used to think he was in that group, it was clear to me now that he belonged in Lovewell, and that he would make this place better.
“Adele and I are carving out our own slice of happy here. I’m not saying you have to do the same. Hell, go find your happy wherever the fuck you want to. But closing yourself off isn’t gonna help you find it.”
God, why couldn’t we just fistfight like we did when we were kids and move on? His words were so much more devastating than a punch to the face would have been. I was here to do a job, and when it was done, I’d hightail it back to Boston. I wasn’t interested in having some kind of emotional evolution like he’d experienced in the last few months.
But my brother was sitting on my porch, offeringme a connection. Something we hadn’t shared in a very long time. I wanted so badly to reach out and take it. Tell him what I’d been going through, how agonizing this sale process was for me, and how proud I was of the life I’d built for myself in Boston.
I opened my mouth, but the words wouldn’t come out. He deserved an older brother who was present in his life, who offered support. All of my brothers deserved that from me. My mom too. So why was it so impossible for me to offer it?
He studied my face for a moment under the porch light, his mouth turned down in a disappointed frown. After a beat, when I didn’t speak, he stood. “Better get home to Adele. She may need ice cream, or a foot rub, or a carburetor to take apart.”
I didn’t move as he jogged down the steps. The words still hadn’t come, and I wasn’t sure they would, so I stayed put.
Halfway to his truck, he stopped and turned back to me. “I meant what I said. When you’re ready, I’ll be here for you.”
With that, he hopped into the driver’s seat and drove off. Leaving me feeling both physically sore and emotionally shitty.
Chapter 11
Lila
Iwas slathering peanut butter on a rice cake, humming to myself, when my mom wandered into the kitchen and pulled me into a hug.
“What are you doing home?”
I held one arm out to keep from slathering her in peanut butter as well and gave her a good squeeze with the other. “Bernice shooed me out of the diner early, so I came home to go for a run. I’m headed over to the library to tutor next, and then I’ll go work with Owen.”
“Will you be home for dinner?”
I shook my head. “Probably not. We have to upload a bunch of information for the buyers today.” I licked the knife and set it in the sink. “He’s got everything ready, but he wants me to double-check it all.”
