Page 44 of Caught in the Axe
“Now this room,” our tour guide Doris explained, “contained all of Dr. Leech’s prototypes.” Doris was in her seventies, with waist-length gray hair and bare feet. She fit in perfectly here. “The labs are where the human experiments were conducted. He designed and built his own machinery, you know. The government tried to destroy everything, but these remain.”
Owen and I walked carefully around the room, being sure to keep our distance from one another as we noted the various metal contraptions in the glass cases as well as the framed papers and books.
“And when you say human experiments?” he asked, hands clasped behind his back and one brow raised.
“The orgasms,” she said matter-of-factly. “Dr. Leech harnessed the life force contained in human orgasms to power his weather buster machines.”
Owen’s eyes bulged and he almost choked on his tongue. “Sorry. Orgasms?”
She nodded, her face lighting up. “Oh yes. Dr. Leech used orgone, the power generated by orgasms, to control the weather.”
I covered my mouth with my hand and turned my back to Doris so she wouldn’t catch me trying to control my laughter.
“Genius is always distrusted.” She hummed. “True visionaries are never appreciated in their own time. Dr. Leech single-handedly saved the blueberry crop in 1958 from a devastating drought. The Maine economy depended on his science.”
Owen nodded solemnly, though his right eye was twitching, as if he was using all his strength to maintain an even countenance.
He gestured to the glass case in front of us. “So these devices,” he asked, “were for…?”
“Masturbation,” she replied, pointing at a large dildo with rivets on the sides that looked to be made of iron or some other hard metal.
It wasn’t something I’d ever let near my lady bits, that was for damn sure.
“Let me show you the lab space. You’ll really be impressed by his vision.”
We followed her out of the mansion and onto the ample grounds. In the distance, a glistening lake was framed by mountains.
“Dr. Leech believed that Maine was rich in orgone, and that this was the ideal place to harvest it.”
That tracked. There was enough weird energy in this state to power several weather machines.
“Many people doubted him. But,” Doris turned around and pinned us both with a saucy smile, “orgasms have immense power.”
I wanted to be skeptical, but the way Doris deftly hiked the hilly path in bare feet made me think that maybe there was some truth to her orgasm theories. I’d be lucky to be half as spry as her when I was that age.
She showed us the labs, the library, and, of course, the single weather buster that had survived the government raid in the ’60s. It looked like a giant ray gun from one of the old sci-fi movies I used to watch with Rob, my ex-stepdad. The entire place was bonkers but in a fun and harmless way.
By the end, Owen had asked a million questions about Dr. Leech’s research and had purchased a book of his theories as a souvenir.
“Doris,” I said, unlocking my phone, “could you take our photo in front of the weather buster?”
“Of course, dear. I hope you come back to see us soon. Be sure to bring your friends to experience all this.”
“Oh yes.” The smile that split my face was impossible to stop. “Can’t wait to come back.”
In front of the weird laser beam statue, Owen and I stood side by side. As Doris fiddled with my phone, he snaked his arm around my shoulders and leaned close.
“Thank you,” he said to me as we waited for her to figure the device out. “I needed some weirdness today.”
I smiled broadly at him. “Happy to get weird with you anytime.”
Chapter 15
Owen
The sun had set and the world had gone dark around us as we recapped our visit to the Leech Museum, laughing so hard tears ran down Lila’s face. We weren’t far from Newport when my stomach growled so loudly that she peered over and smirked at me.
“Hungry? There’s a great diner a few exits up,” I said. “They have gluten-free options.”
