Page 99 of Caught in the Axe
“Sometimes.” He smoothed a hand down my hair. “But I was never great at that.”
“Bullshit.” I grinned up at him. “We both know the ladies of Boston were throwing themselves at you.”
A deep laugh rumbled out of him. “Not even close.”
I gave him an eye roll. “Okay, keep talking.”
“In the last several years, instead of going out to bars, we’d usually grab dinner and talk about work and sports. Then I’d go home and crash. Enzo started dating Delia a few months ago, so that’s changed too. Now he spends every free minute with her. Not that I can blame him. She’s way better looking than me.”
“That must have been hard to adjust to.”
He shrugged. “Enzo is my brother in every way but blood. He deserves his happiness. Delia is a handful, and so are her twin girls, but he is so damn happy. And he’s finally working less. It’s good to see him so content, even if I don’t get to see him as much. But this is what he wants. He’s a big family guy.”
Maybe it was the wine or the mild weather or the adorable romantic gesture he’d gone to all this trouble to set up, but suddenly, I wanted to share. Hell, I needed to share.
“That’s actually one of the reasons Cole and I didn’t work out,” I said tentatively.
I felt his body stiffen next to me. “Whatdo you mean?”
“He wanted a very specific kind of life. Marriage, lots of kids, house up here in Maine.”
“And you don’t want that.”
I shook my head. “I don’t. I guess I thought that once he got a pro contract, we’d settle in the city and I’d build my career and we’d travel in the off-season. But then it started to look like hockey wasn’t going to work out, and he started to talk about having kids soon and buying a house up here.
“My mom had me when she was in high school. You know that.” I sat up so I could face him completely. “For every single minute of my life, I’ve been aware of just how much of a burden I was.”
“You are not,” he protested, grasping my hand.
“Logically, I know that. My mom has never made me feel as though she didn’t want me, and she has devoted her life to caring for me. But I’ve seen the toll it’s taken on her. She put her own life on hold for me.”
He stared at me, his lips parted as if he was surprised by this revelation.
“My whole life, the world has just assumed I’d get married and have kids. Be some guy’s wife and some kid’s mom. It took me a long time to realize that I get to call the shots and decide what’s right for me. The real me, not some idealized version. And I’m good with just me.”
I could remember the sheer panic I felt when Cole brought it up. The immediate desire to run away and hide. Our relationship was hanging on by a thread at that point, so even if I’d wanted kids, I wouldn’t have wanted to bring them into that dysfunction. And I’d spent so much time supporting his dreams, and he hadn’t even bothered to askme what mine were. It was so typical of Cole. He just assumed I’d go along with whatever he wanted.
“I realize that’s probably a deal-breaker for you,” I said, feeling nauseous. We hadn’t defined the future yet. We were still tiptoeing around the fact that he was leaving soon.
He took a sip of his prosecco and looked out into the dark for a long moment before peering down at me. “Can I be honest?”
“Always.”
He looked away again. “I don’t want kids either.”
I bolted upright. If I’d been drinking my prosecco, I no doubt would have done a spit-take. Owen Hebert? He hadresponsible familyman written all over him.
“I want a partner,” he clarified. “I want to be one-half of that kind of family. I want nights where we cook meals together and vacations, just the two of us. I want someone to come home to, someone to share my life with. Maybe a pet or two.” He took another sip. “But kids? Nah, probably not for me.”
I was well and truly shocked. Owen Hebert would make the best kind of dad. He was authoritative and could be strict, but he was patient, kind, and successful.
“Really?” I asked.
His nod was slow. “My family is huge. Our house was pure chaos. I guess I’ve never felt the urge to create a life like that. It’s not to say that I don’t like kids. I love Merry. And I can’t wait for the new baby to arrive.
“And being here these past few weeks has made me realize how much I want to be closer to my brothers and my mom. I want to work on strengthening those relationships.But I have just never had any interest in children of my own.”
Huh. This conversation had taken a very deep and very strange turn. But I wanted to know everything about Owen. I wanted to dig down deep and get to know all the parts of him, even the not-so-great ones. I’d never experienced this kind of honesty and intimacy before, and I was hooked.
