Page 96 of Pain in the Axe
Iwas warm, so warm, and comfortable. My limbs were languid and my brain was blissfully empty. In that blissful place between sleep and waking, I luxuriated.
“Thank you.” I felt the words before I heard them. Was I dreaming?
“You are our little miracle. Changed my life. I’ve made so many mistakes, but I promise that I will spend every single minute I’ve got left taking care of you and your mother. Because I’m damn lucky to have you both.”
I slowly opened one eye, trying to figure out what was happening. Finding Gus gently stroking and talking to my stomach. There wasn’t much there. According to my app, the baby was the size of a grape, but that didn’t stop him.
It was so damn sweet my heart clenched. I closed my eyes again, letting the warmth of this moment spread through me.
“I’m so lucky to be your dad. Speaking of luck, you hit the jackpot, kid, because you’ve got one hell of a mom. She’s smart and tough, but she loves so deeply. I cannot wait to see her holding you for the first time.”
I couldn’t keep this up any longer. I opened my eyes, which were now full of tears—thanks hormones—and cupped his cheek. He gently kissed my belly before wordlessly gathering me up in his arms.
The storm still raged outside, rain pounding on the roof and lightning arcing across the sky. I didn’t want to leave this bed. I was so comfortable and content here, while my life outside this protective bubble was a dumpster fire. Here, it was just Gus and me and the little bean. Snuggles and orgasms and kind words.
We held each other for hours, dozing as the storm raged. Until I craved him again.
“Can I get you anything?”
I shook my head, my cheek grazing his chest. “I’m amazing. In fact, I’m not even nauseous. I think sex might be the cure for morning sickness.”
He rolled onto his side, adjusting me gently, and propped his head up in his hand. “Then I should probably move in. That way we can manage your symptoms twenty-four seven.”
“You are very good at your job,” I replied flippantly, unwilling to consider how tempting that suggestion was.
He kissed me gently, and when he pulled back, his blue eyes were full of adoration. “You are so beautiful.”
His words hit me like a punch to the solar plexus. “Thank you, but my body isn’t what it used to be.” My whole life, I’d focused on the positive. I’d taken good care of myself, and I’d rejected society’s bullshit about aging and beauty. Still, I was lying in bed with this amazing man who’d explored every inch of my body twenty years ago. Back when my stomach was totally flat and my forehead was unlined.
“I’m crazy about you.” He frowned. “Not the idea of you from twenty years ago, but this version.”
With my heart in my throat, I laughed it off.
Gripping my chin firmly, he forced me to look at him. “I took one look at you in that conference room in Boston and knew that you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.”
He kissed me again, fiercer this time.
“This body is sinfully sexy. But also strong, fierce, and capable.”
“Yeah, yeah, but my boobs were way perkier back in the day.”
“They’re fucking mouth-watering now. Every inch of you is. And don’t fish for compliments. It’s beneath you. I don’t play games. I’m a grown man who knows what I want.”
My stomach twisted, and nerves skittered down my spine. “What do you want, Gus?”
“Everything, Dragonfly. I want it all. But most of all, I want you to be happy. I’ll do whatever you need me to do. But I need you to trust me, to let me in.”
I rolled onto my back, suddenly struggling to breathe and needing space. This conversation had gotten heavy fast. Couldn’t we just have a few more minutes in the bubble?
But his severe expression made it clear he needed a conversation. He wanted to understand. So, while it was the last thing I wanted, I owed him the truth.
I got up, grabbed my robe, and tossed his boxers at him. I needed clothing for this conversation.
“I’m not sure what I can give you,” I said honestly, hating the way his face fell. “This is a complicated situation, and I can’t put myself in a position to get hurt again.”
He sat up. “I appreciate that, but we’re grown adults now, and we’re having a child. At some point, we need to move on from the past.”
Anger bubbled up inside me. Move on? I had moved on. But it didn’t mean I would make the same mistake twice. And it sure as hell didn’t mean I’d allow this man to disappoint our child.
