Page 98 of Pain in the Axe
My head was so muddy, and my every cell was brimming with hurt and anger and confusion.
“I should have chased you,” he said, his voice nothing but a whisper. “I bought a plane ticket. But I felt so stupid. Your father was so convincing. Said you deserved a fresh start. He said you loved school and that I would just hold you back.”
My stomach dropped. “You talked to my dad?”
A succinct nod. “I went to see him. Begged to get your address.”
Nausea swirled in my stomach. My dad? He’d never told me any of this. I’d always believed Gus had signed the divorce papers and forgotten I existed, while I’d spent months crying myself to sleep every night.
Recognition dawned in his expression at the same moment it swept over me.
My father and I were not close. He’d pushed me away. He’d forced me to go. I knew that. He’d never wanted me near the family business, and he’d always favored my brothers.
But I’d always assumed that, deep down, it was because he wanted what he thought was best for me. That he shut down after Mom’s death and couldn’t express himself.
Was he really capable of lying to me like this? Manipulating me and destroying my heart and self-confidence in the process?
He grunted. “My dad…”
“And my dad?” My chest squeezed so tight it was hard to breathe.
“They lied,” he said. “To both of us and maybe each other. But I tried. I swear it. Not hard enough, and I’ll never forgive myself for that, but I tried. I loved you so purely and deeply, Chloe. Part of me died when you left.”
The nausea hit me like a tidal wave, and bile rose in my throat. I ran to the bathroom, holding out my hands to keep from falling in the darkened house.
I almost slipped on the tile in the large en suite as I struggled to hold back what was trying to come out of me.
As I retched, he appeared behind me, gathering up my hair.
I heaved over and over again, until there was nothing left inside me.
The whole time, he stood there, holding my hair with one hand and rubbing soothing circles on my back with the other, telling me it would be okay.
When I was done, he picked me up and carried me to the couch. He shuffled to the kitchen, returned with a glass of water, then sat down and put his arm around me.
I was spent, empty. I’d been carrying around this hurt and anger for years. Heavy suitcases that I shuffled along with throughout my entire adult life. They’d become such a big part of me, I wasn’t sure I could ever put them down.
His face was drawn and weary. “Where does this leave us?” he asked, stroking Clem’s ears.
“I need to think. Nothing makes sense right now. For so long, I thought I loved you more than you loved me.”
He stiffened. “That’s not true.”
“We shouldn’t have gotten married. I was grieving the loss of my mom and clinging to you. You could never have lived up to the ideal in my mind. But I was hurting so badly and worried that I’d never be happy again.”
He shifted and pulled me close. “For what it’s worth, I was thrilled to marry you. And I think the only way we can raise this baby is if we forgive each other and ourselves for the past.”
Tears stung my eyes. Goddamn pregnancy hormones. He was right. So fucking right. Yet I couldn’t speak.
“You need to go to bed.” He stood and offered me his hand. “I’ll sleep on the couch. Clem and I will stay until the power comes back on. Just drink a little more water and get some rest.”
He walked me to bed and set my water glass on the nightstand. Crouching beside the bed, he kissed my forehead. “I am so sorry for everything I’ve done. This baby is a precious gift, and there is nothing I won’t do to make you both happy.”
Chapter 28
Chloe
Ifelt like I had been run over by a bus.
