Page 108 of Axe-identally Married
Willa was quiet on the ride home, and I was stuck in an endless thought loop.
Did I say something wrong?
Did Idosomething wrong?
Is this vest totally ridiculous?
While it was more likely I’d done something dumb, I was beginning to blame the vest. Sure, the flowers and fancy night out were overkill. But as I discussed with Dr. Gleeson during my session yesterday, I had been struggling to find the words to express my feelings to Willa.
Hell, I couldn’t even wrap my head around them all. Emotions I’d never experienced. That I didn’t know even existed. As I was learning in therapy, I was terrified of saying the wrong thing and ruining something so incredible.
For the most part, the night had been perfect. There had been moments when it felt like it was only the two of us in the bar. I’d only had water. Hell, I hadn’t had a drop of alcohol since our wedding night. I didn’t need it. I felt giddy being there with her. Touching her and whispering with her and experiencing a place I’d been to a million times in a new way.
With the moon so bright over the lake, I had the perfect idea. “Wanna go throw some rocks?” I asked, trying to draw her out, as I parked in front of the cabin.
She shook her head. “I’m going to take these clothes off.”
I wanted to offer to do it for her, but considering how quiet she’d been and how I hadn’t been able to pull her out of her shell, I couldn’t help but feel that would not be welcome.
So I followed her into the cottage, wishing I had the words to fix whatever I’d broken, and hung up my coat.
My instinct was to head to my room and avoid the discomfort altogether, hoping that, by morning, it would have blown over. But if I did that, I’d be pulling away, putting distance between us instead of closing the gap.
“Willa,” I said softly.
She looked up, her face drawn.
“I’d really like to talk about tonight.”
“Sure.”
I paced the kitchen, rolling up my shirtsleeves, as she stood with her hands clasped in front of her. It felt almost impossible to open my mouth. But looking at her beautiful face, I knew I had to do it.
“Before… when I was with Lila,” I started, fighting like hell to get the words out, regardless of how awkward they felt, “if things didn’t feel right, I’d retreat. Ignore the problem. You and I were having such an amazing time tonight, but then you went away. And if I did something—”
“No,” she interrupted, lifting her chin. “You didn’t do anything.”
I stepped up close and pulled her against my body. “Then where’d you go?” I asked, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head.
She hugged me back, the small act instantly easing a little of my fear. “I’m embarrassed,” she said into my chest.
I pulled back, placing my hands on her shoulders.
“Why?” I asked, throat thick. “Is it the vest?”
She laughed, the sound watery. “No. I love the vest.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“Yes.Love. I’ve had a hard time focusing on anything but it all night. If I had my way, you’d wear a vest every day, even when doing mundane tasks.”
I stroked her cheek. “Then I’ll make sure to wear it while folding laundry tomorrow. But why are you embarrassed?”
She dipped her chin. “This is so dumb.”
“Nothing is dumb. I care about you, and I want to understand how you’re feeling. I’ve done so many things wrong in my life, and I’m still figuring out why in therapy, but I want to do this right. So if you’re willing to talk, I want to listen.”
Instead of responding, she buried her face in my chest.
