Page 56 of Axe-identally Married
I understood what they saw when they looked at me.
A lot of fun for a night.
But not a girlfriend. Not someone a man would claim publicly.
Trust me, guys were always all over me after a night of drinking, pawing at my chest and ass. They all wanted to fuck the curvy girl, but none of them ever wanted to keep me. I had a lot of growing and healing to do in the sex and relationships department, and I wasn’t about to start now with Cole.
I held up a hand. “If this is going to work, we’ve got to be just friends.”
He hung his head. “I know,” he said, his voice once again quiet. “I don’t like it, but I understand. We get along so well, and we’re actually making this work. We can’t complicate matters.”
“Exactly.” Relief flooded my bloodstream. He got it.
“Yes, we’re married, but we’re friends. And while I understand it’s probably hard for you to not be able to…” I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “To date,” I whispered. “We shouldn’t become fuck buddies because it’s easy.”
I wouldn’t be an easy lay. I wouldn’t be the girl who begged for scraps and settled for affection brought on only by convenience, especially from him. Cole was a good person and a good friend, that I knew for a fact. But I’d seen the way he treated Lila. The man was a shitty boyfriend. So inviting anything more into this arrangement would only lead to disappointment.
“I’m not looking for a fuck buddy, Willa,” he said, his tone defensive, his expression pained. “And more importantly. You are not easy. In fact, you are the most complicated and challenging woman I’ve ever met.”
How he managed to make complicated and challenging sound like compliments, I will never know, but the lump in my throat continued to grow.
I needed to be alone. I stood, wincing slightly and making Cole reel back.
“You wanted radical honesty,” he said, standing as well.
“I did. I do.” As much as it could hurt or confuse, it was the only way for us to survive this marriage.
He took a step closer, towering over me, his hands on his hips. Yes, he could be intimidating, but I had ceased to notice. He was Cole.
He took another step and ducked his head. “Here’s some honesty for you. I’m really attracted to my wife. Kissing you was fucking epic, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
His words knocked the air from my lungs. Part of me was ready to jump into his arms and kiss him again. But I wasn’t that girl. That girl married him in Vegas, and she couldn’t be trusted.
I lifted my chin and forced myself to make eye contact. “Do you want to stop?”
“Fuck no. I made a commitment, and I’ll honor it.”
“Good.”
“But I don’t want to hear all this bullshit about me not being attracted to you. If you don’t want anything more, I respect that. But do not put that on me.”
With a nod, I took a step back, but just as I put distance between us, he closed it again. And the closer he got, the more potent the strong warmth of his body was. And the easier it would be to allow myself to give in to the feelings.
So without waiting another second, I turned and rushed toward my room. Space, I needed space. Nothing good would come of this conversation.
“Willa,” he said as I crossed the threshold.
I turned, pulling the door mostly closed, peeking out at him from the crack.
“I’m not sure I’ve ever been as attracted to a person as I am to you.”
Without responding, I shut the door hard and slumped against it.
My heart was pounding, and I gasped for breath.
I was fucking this all up.
I was not supposed to be experiencing real lust for my fake husband.
