Page 59 of Axe-identally Married
Relief rushed over me like a wave. “Thank you.”
“But I do have questions.” He straightened. “Is this some kind of payback scheme because Owen is with Lila?”
“No,” I protested with a huff. “It was a stupid drunken night. Then I got to know her. We live together, and I want to be withher all the time. I want to make her smile and laugh, and I want to cook for her.”
His lips tipped up a fraction. “That’s why you learned to bake cookies?”
“Kind of. You should see me. I can make all kinds of meals now. I make a killer lasagna.”
“Okay, you can cook for me anytime. But first, have you made a move? Is she into you?”
That was the million-dollar question. Was she into me? Willa was supportive and affectionate and kind. But were her feelings for me of the romantic variety? I thought so. After her reaction the other night, though, I had my doubts.
I felt it, a deep connection, a longing when she looked at me. Saw it in the way she closed her eyes when she snuggled against me on the couch. I caught her checking me out frequently during our morning workouts, and she always made it home in time for dinner andJeopardywith me, even when she had mountains of charting to do at the office.
“I think so,” I said. “She kissed me back, and we’ve always flirted. In Vegas, that night, the connection between us was…” I sorted through the hazy memories, remembering how it felt roaming around the town with her on my arm. Her smiles and laughter. The way she made everything sparkly and perfect. “Electric.”
“Kissed you back? So you did make a move?”
I nodded once. “My timing was terrible. She shut it down, and then we had a conversation about boundaries.”
He covered his face with his hands. “Shit.”
My gut twisted. I’d thought of nothing else for the past two days. Hence my obsessive baking and why I’d shown up here to unburden myself to my brother. She’d never said she wasn’t interested or attracted to me. She kept saying we couldn’t. That we should stick to the plan.
“Okay, I’m going to lay out a disclaimer. Obviously, I support enthusiastic consent.”
“I agree.”
“With that said, it sounds to me like she’s unsure.” He pursed his lips. “The two of you already took a big risk with this marriage, and Willa is not a risk taker.”
My heart clenched with affection for her. “It’s how it all started. She wanted to be wild. She was feeling like she’d missed out during her twenties since she’d spent them all working nonstop to become a doctor. So I offered to help her cut loose.”
“And now you’re cooking and cleaning and playing house?”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Pretty much. But it still feels wild. For me, at least. Depending on her, working with her, spending my days eager to see her. It feels so damn good. I know it’s dangerous—”
“It’s more than dangerous, dude. You’re not only risking a broken heart. You’re also risking your relationship with Owen.”
I sighed. I’d considered this. But the truth was that I had no real relationship with Owen. He’d always disliked me. At this point, I didn’t have much hope that would ever change.
And my feelings? Sure, it would be awful if they weren’t reciprocated. But damn if I wasn’t falling a little more in love with her every day. And the farther I fell, the more painful it was keeping it to myself.
“I don’t care,” I told him. “My main concern is that she’s the one taking the bigger risk. Her parents mean everything to her. Her job too. You should see her. She is incredible. To lose the respect of the community or disappoint her parents?” I shook my head. The idea of it made me ill. “And not to mention Lila is her best friend.”
Jude steepled his fingers and tapped them against his lips. “You really love her.”
“I think I do.” Chest aching, I buried my head in my hands. I was so fucked. “I should never have kissed her. It was selfish. There is too much at stake to give in to what I want like that.”
“Slow down, brother. She did marry you, so you have an in. I think this is a situation where you have to sit back and follow her lead. No pressure, no expectations. Be the husband she needs and bide your time.”
I nodded. That made sense. She had a lot on her plate. She didn’t need me slobbering all over her while she was up to her eyeballs in responsibilities.
He got up and paced. After a moment, he stopped in the middle of the room.
“You gotta convince her you’re worth the risk. Show her the kind of man you are, what you’re capable of.” He put his hands on his hips. “Keep up with the therapy. It’s clearly doing you good. If you’re growing and putting the party guy persona behind you, then she will see and appreciate that.”
His tone made me cringe.
